Blue Light Xmas

[description: a pajama-clad figure stands in front of a lit-up xmas tree surrounded by presents]

You're probably familiar with this tradition by now. I'm wondering how much longer I ought to keep it going. Is there ever a point where it becomes appropriate to retire a longstanding tradition? On the one hand, when you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you eventually run out of ideas and it begins to grow stale; you want to reallocate that creativity to something a little more fresh. But on the other hand, how can you stop doing something you've been doing for so long? Like, one year, you're just going to wake up and decide, this is where it ends?

I'm fascinated with the passage of time, and photo projects of this sort, so I'll probably keep it up as long as I have the opportunity (and there's no telling how long that will last - due to all the factors that are outside of my control). In the end, I suppose the effort of taking a few pictures you might decide you don't want is easier than the agony of looking back and regretting not having taken them for whatever reason. Maybe it's a little bit narcissistic, but I'd like to believe that there could be some anthropological value in my extended archive of photographic memories, if I ever amount to anything in my life - or after it.

[description: series of bedroom portraits in different outfits under a string of blue lights]

In my new pajamas...

...my new Santa dress (a little bit more modest than in past years)...

...and out of it!

And a few bonuses. I think I have a fascination for shooting in this room mainly because it was off-limits for so long; it's one of the few places in this house that's still relatively "new" to me.

[description: series of nude portraits wandering a room down at the end of the hall]

And, with that, I think Xmas is finally over! Rejoice!

Why Nudism? (Part 16)

[description: b/w portrait of a nude figure sitting with entangled limbs in the corner]
Because I love my body.

Though I am a model today, it took me a long time to find the beauty within myself. I never thought I was attractive until other people started telling me so with some regularity. And though I love my body now, I've been told some pretty insulting things. My first time going nude in a social setting (not a specifically nudist environment - which was my mistake), I overheard somebody referring to me as an example of the type of person who "just doesn't look good naked". Yet nowadays I like to joke that it should be a crime to cover up my naked body with clothes! I've been called a "freakish man-woman thing", and have even been ridiculed for the size of my penis (by someone who's apparently never handled one and doesn't understand how they work). Yet I'm proud of the way I can bend genders, and my genitalia is more than adequate (exceptional, even - so I've been told) when it needs to be. The point is, it doesn't matter how beautiful or how ugly anybody thinks you are, you have to learn to love yourself. It doesn't happen automatically, but it's critical for your health.

Winter Coat

[description: a man standing in a garage opens his winter coat, and is naked underneath]

How do you tell if someone who is naked under their heavy winter jacket is an exhibitionist or just a nudist? I think it depends on the conditions under which they will open their coat. Of course, that's assuming the unflattering stereotype that exhibitionism relies on non-consent, when it could be the case that the exhibitionist simply enjoys the secret knowledge of being naked under his coat without needing anyone else to suspect anything unusual. What if it's not the shock and dismay, but the mere fact of being naked (to one extent or another) in a crowd or outdoors or in a public place that the exhibitionist takes pleasure in? And what if that pleasure is not strictly sexual in nature (in the sense of causing sexual stimulation, and being used directly as a masturbatory aid), but just something from which the "exhibitionist" derives delight? Are we not then just talking about a nudist? Or is a nudist not allowed to "enjoy being nude" too much? If this is neither nudism nor exhibitionism, then what exactly should we call it? We have words for non-explicit, sensual eroticism, but we do not properly recognize it for what it is - non-explicitly sexual. If it has anything whatsoever to do with sex, it's forbidden. Call something "erotic" and the masses rush to cover their children's eyes, and toss it into the stigmatized bin of "pornography".

I know it's "dangerous" (for nudists, at least) to blur the line between sex and nudity, but I hope you'll see that the line between nudism and exhibitionism (and also voyeurism) is not so clear cut. I'm not saying that to justify any kind of behavior that is not appropriate in a nudist context, but to demonstrate why these subjects so often get tangled up. It's not some insidious strategy by a cabal of perverts. It's human nature. And while we can dictate the rules at a nudist venue (and we should!) - to preserve the decorum of civilized society - we should understand that there are not two distinct peoples in the world: nudists, and exhibitionists; and that, somehow, exhibitionists "just don't get it". Sometimes they overlap. Sometimes nudity is erotic. And sometimes it's not. There is room in this wonderful world for both - we must simply have faith that man can learn where and when one is appropriate and the other is not (and then assist in teaching him). There's no reason to pledge allegiance to one and disparage the other outright. Perverts tend to accept this more readily than nudists do - although that makes sense, since the latter has more to lose. But I'll take the truth over political posturing any day of the week. And twice on Sundays.

In Your Eyes

I've mentioned before (though not often, as it's not a frequent occurrence) how much I like seeing how another person captures me in the camera lens. I'm intimately familiar with how I look posing in front of my own camera, and I like the high level of control it affords me over the creative process (in spite of its great limitations).

You'd think it wouldn't make much difference who's behind the camera, because what you're seeing in the frame is the same thing, but anyone with even a little experience with photography will know the ocean of difference that can exist between two people looking at the same scene, applying their own perspective, equipment, talent, and experience to capturing a shot. After all, a famous photographer once said that a photograph is a document of a relationship - the relationship between the model and the photographer.

I've long said that I wished I could make friends with some photographers, so I could have people at hand in casual, spontaneous situations to take pictures of me - situations where it's awfully difficult for me to set up a self-portrait, and which, as a result, haven't really been documented in my self-portrait photography. But I'm a bit of a recluse, and as such, I have only one person that hangs out with me a lot, who on rare occasions (she is, unfortunately, not a shutterbug by nature) feels inspired to take my picture.

Not being as experienced as me, the composition and framing of those pictures is not always up to my impossibly high standards, and I don't like not having complete control over my posing and, ultimately, how my body looks, but every now and then a shot will come out that resonates with me, and I'm always fascinated by the things I've never been able to capture in my own self-portraits - that casual, spontaneous feel; the real, unposed emotions; and those non-tripod-friendly angles. These are just a few fairly recent examples:

[description: series of clothed, nude, and erotic portraits not taken by the subject]

Why Nudism? (Part 15)

[description: a fit, nude man stands on a bathroom scale]
Because I take care of my body.

I suspect this is going to be another one of those reasons that maybe not all nudists share. But while the lifestyle accepts everyone with open arms, some will inevitably approach it from a health-conscious perspective. For example, one of the preeminent naturist magazines in the UK is titled "Health & Efficiency". Being exposed to bodies of all shapes and sizes has a positive, normalizing effect that serves to counter media exposure to images of perfection (more on that here). But part of loving your body includes taking care of it. After all, you can't live without it, and you only get one. So although you can learn to be comfortable in your skin, and love your body no matter what it looks like, it's still a good idea to look after your health. And while there is no excuse for waiting until you're fit to engage in nudism (because nobody is going to be judging you!), being naked around other people can have an encouraging effect on your desire to get and stay in shape. Whether you work out, exercise regularly, play sports, or watch your diet, if you take pride in your appearance, you should feel confident showing it off!

Straight Model, Gay Audience

An anonymous reader has recently left a comment that has inspired some pretty interesting ruminations about the disparity between my sexual orientation and the demographic constitution of my audience (as an artist and model). I thought my response deserved a post of its own.

"being 'straight' is it awkward knowing men masturbate to you? is it a weird form of turn on? (noting that you have many pictures of you presenting your a55 h0le in your pictures.)"

These are good questions, with complex answers. That most of my audience is male is certainly something I've had to get used to. But as an exhibitionist, I like the feeling of being desired. When I model for erotic art, I'm not looking for hookups - so it really doesn't matter if I'm attracted to the people who appreciate my work. Even if it were women, most of them would still be people I am not specifically attracted to (I have types and preferences; I don't just lust after anything with a vagina). My body of art is for the world to enjoy, not just a few lucky individuals I happen to single out as desirable. That I can contribute to the orgasms of people I am not attracted to - without having to get my hands dirty - pleases me as a sex-positive humanitarian. If I were running for political office, my campaign slogan would be "orgasms for everyone!"

As far as the types of poses I use, I got started out imitating female models because that's what I like - it's what I know. This has actually contributed to my discovery and exploration of my transgender identity. I also happen to enjoy the submissive element, psychologically, of being the receiver in a sexual coupling. It allows me to "feel like a girl". It doesn't necessarily mean that I want a man to be on the other end - a lot of men enjoy anal stimulation and/or penetration, but only from women. That's because the act - the stimulation - can be separated from the person performing it with/on you; it does not rely on a particular type of person (that's why, for example, a woman can enjoy cunnilingus without being a lesbian).

I don't like to get hung up on the "I'm straight" thing, because the fact is, I'm very open-minded, and willing to explore whatever it is that gives me pleasure (and, as a model, what gives other people pleasure, as long as it's within my comfort zone). I also think the terms "gay" and "straight" are problematic for people with non-cisgendered identities. That having been said, I have very little interest or desire in having a sexual relationship or encounter with a man. I wouldn't rule out the possibility completely, and I like to encourage a more fluid interpretation of my sexuality (because there's no virtue in being uptight these days), but sometimes I have to be clear about my interests to avoid undesirable situations. As an artist and model, I am presenting a fantasy to the world - open to interpretation, but not available to take home to bed with you. If you're comfortable with that, then I'm comfortable with that.

Sarong Comparison

As hard as it is to believe that so much time has passed, next year is the ten year anniversary of the Daily Nudes project that launched my erotic photography hobby in earnest. So, I've been thinking back on some of my old photographs a lot lately. I staged a reconstruction of this one photo taken in September of 2008. The photo on the right was taken just recently, more than nine years after the one on the left. This kind of thing fascinates me - to see how closely I can get to the original, even as doing so magnifies the sometimes subtle things that have changed.

[description: a long-haired man in a sarong stands in a shadowy bedroom]

My life was very dark ten years ago - literally, as I lived a more or less nocturnal schedule. There's a lot more sunshine in my life now, although that's not evident in this picture. I'm hoping to do a number of homages to my original Daily Nudes project over the course of the next year. I don't live in the same place, so they may be more spiritual successors than note-for-note recreations, but I think it'll be fun.

Why Nudism? (Part 14)

[description: a "flasher" lays down his trenchcoat for a lady to step over]
Because "decency" is how you behave, not how you dress.

Nudists have another saying - "nude, not lewd" - which is meant to emphasize the difference between a nudist's state of dress, and his behavior - that nudity is simply a state of being, while lewdness is a state of doing. "Indecent exposure" laws often presume that a person exposing their genitals to others (outside of a bedroom context) is doing so for illicit sexual gratification, and will therefore be accompanied by lewd behavior. But this is not necessarily the case. That's why I've taken the stereotype of the "trench coat flasher", and crossed it with the trope of a gentleman laying his coat down over a puddle for a lady to step over. A lot of people misunderstand nudism to be a form of exhibitionism - that nudists get some kind of sexual thrill from exposing themselves to others. Hopefully, this image demonstrates that that's really not the point. Nudists are (generally speaking) naked for reasons of comfort and convenience, and because they don't have the hangups about their bodies that many people have. The point that I think a lot of nudists would like to make is that what you're wearing isn't so important as how you behave - that you can be naked, and still be a perfectly decent human being.

[description: a lady in a pink dress and heels holds an umbrella while looking up toward the sky]

This pink dress worked out perfectly for this theme. I was very happy to be able to add a gender-bending clone shot to this series, since it's so characteristic of my work. I was very excited about this theme in general - I thought it was pretty clever. The shoot was challenging though, because it was cold - the high that day was under 50 degrees - and raining, and I was out taking pictures with nothing on half the time. Totally worth it, though. I was concerned about getting some good shots in such a short time frame (so I could go back inside and warm up), but I think it worked out nicely!

Why Nudism? (Part 12)

(Don't worry, I'm completely aware that I posted Part 13 out of order. I just thought it was the perfect theme and the perfect number for Halloween. The order of these posts is pretty much arbitrary anyway. I'll probably reorder them in the final series when it's done, if it even matters what order they're in).

[description: a nude hiker with backpack and walking stick stands in a forest]
Because it makes me feel at one with nature.

Freehiking - the practice of hiking nude, usually in state or national parks that are not specifically designated for nudism, but are spread out enough to allow for a moderate expectation of privacy - is a popular nudist pastime, especially for those nudists who do not have convenient access to a gated club (and sometimes those who are developing an interest in nudism, but haven't worked up the courage to visit an organized community yet). It also dovetails quite nicely with the ethos of "naturism" - nudism from a naturalistic standpoint. What better way to enjoy the great outdoors than to do so naked, the way Mother Earth intends? If it were up to me, all state and national parks would be clothing optional, and freehiking would be as popular a pastime as skinny dipping.

On Top of the World

[description: series of erotic nude photos taken atop an observation tower in the mountains]

So, we were on top of this tower with a commanding view of the countryside - and of the path leading up to the tower. What's more, you have to climb four flights of rickety steps to get to the top, so there's plenty of time to make yourself "presentable" if you see or hear somebody coming. (Although there's less coverage in the fall when the trees thin out).

At the tail end of an impromptu photo session, I was preparing to perform a back bend for the camera, when my partner noticed a few people coming up the trail down below. She was, understandably, a bit skittish, but I knew I had plenty of time, so I went ahead with the back bend anyway (knowing there were people approaching), trusting my partner to hurry up and get the shot before she went into panic mode.

And I still had plenty of time to get dressed before the visitors reached the top of the tower, none the wiser for what had just been transpiring there, at which point the two of us took our leave. But the real kicker was that the new arrivals were wearing t-shirts indicating that they were part of some church group. :-3 But hey, no harm, no foul.

Visions From The Fitting Room

Eventually it gets to a point where all the dresses begin to blur together...

[description: fitting room selfies in a variety of formal dresses]

The first one was beautiful, but wouldn't stay up on me, and the tightness leaves nothing to the imagination. It had little floral accents, and though it looked incredible as is, I thought it would make a great elven dress in a nice forest green color.

I put the second one on, and I instantly loved it. So slinky and sexy! It made me feel amazing. But it was completely impractical. I hate that I even have to consider these things (why can't I just wear what I like?), but there's no hiding my anatomy in it, and I imagine it would take constant effort to keep in place. The only place I could possibly wear it is to a kink party or some such, and I don't go to very many of those.

This consignment shop has an unrivaled assortment of dresses in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but I must say, the high, overhead lighting in the fitting rooms is not very flattering for faces.

[description: more fitting room selfies in several different white formal gowns]

I've been looking at some potential wedding dresses for a themed photoshoot. I'm usually attracted to short, skimpy dresses (also colorful), and wedding dresses tend to be very...full (although that's what makes them look so extravagant and formal). I've learned, though, that these dresses look a lot more attractive on the body than they do hanging up.

I have this fantasy of going into a bridal shop (I've toured a couple but been too timid to do anything more than poke around the racks), and get the full treatment - trying on this and that dress, working with trained professionals to find something that flatters me and is in a style I like. But the thought of actually going through with it makes me anxious for two reasons.

[description: fitting room selfie with a dress unzipped all the way down the back]

Firstly, I'm not actually planning a wedding, and I don't want to be seen as treating a very serious occasion in many people's lives too flippantly - also, people tend to go all out for weddings, and are therefore willing to spend a little more money than usual, while my budget remains pretty tight; I'd hate to go into a store hoping to find something spectacular while being limited to whatever the cheapest wares are on hand. That would just seem to display an unrealistic sense of expectations.

Secondly, there's the issue of my sex not lining up with my gender - so to have all that scrutiny on me while I try on different dresses (all pretty much designed for human beings with breasts and no discernible bulge between their legs) would make me pretty uncomfortable. I don't doubt that I could find somebody very accepting to help me out (although it's the luck of the draw), but the very thought of having to go through that conversation with a stranger whose reaction I cannot predict leads me to err on the side of caution. Ah, well.

[description: fitting room selfie in a pair of red brief underwear]

Why Nudism? (Part 13)

[description: a nude figure in a hooded cloak stands before a glowing fire]
Because my body is a temple.

As I mentioned before, nudism is not a faith-dependent lifestyle. Persons of all (or at least most) faiths can and do practice nudism - there are even Christian nudist groups. But paganism has had a long history of better than average respect for the naked body, particularly the spiritual aspects of its association with nature. The term 'skyclad' - as in "clad in the sky" (or, in other words, dressed in air) - was coined to describe the state in which some pagans would practice their rituals unclothed (or minimally dressed - e.g., in ceremonial robes or other adornments) out in the woods, around a bonfire, under the stars, etc. Especially for those who have reverence for the natural world, nude worship shows respect, and gives the ceremony a special energy that separates it from everyday life. We came into this world naked, and fashioned clothing by our own hands. By laying down those clothes, we can take a step back towards the divine source of inspiration that animates us, and become more godlike, if only for a time.

Why Nudism? (Part 11)

[description: a nude man poses in sepia with extra limbs, imitating the Vitruvian Man]
Because the human body is an amazing machine.

The ancient Greeks idolized the human body. This is apparent in their art, and especially sculpture. It's a long-forgotten fact that the very word gym - as in gymnasium, or gymnastics - comes from the Greek word for nudity: gymnos. This is because Greek athletes would train their bodies in the nude. Not all nudists are into fitness (we're a very broadly-accepting group), but there is definitely a historical strain within nudism (or naturism, as it is sometimes called) that incorporates a health-conscious approach towards the body. Although they've been deprecated by the lifestyle's modern commitment to unconditional acceptance, the antiquated practice of nudist beauty pageants used to emphasize the role of the human body as a sculpted work of art. But even today, nudist communities tend to prioritize athletics (volleyball is perhaps the most popular sport). And while any behavior that could be described as "voyeurism" is frowned upon, in addition to keeping one fit, the playing of sports in the nude allows spectators to appreciate the human body as an amazing machine, and to witness the feats of strength and dexterity that it is capable of. Why shouldn't we be proud of that?

(I am hoping to produce future images for this series that will elaborate on the themes of nudity in art and taking care of one's body).

Flashing a Smile

[description: portrait of a smiling man at the park, erection peeking out of his shorts]

It's frustrating arguing with people who think "exhibitionism" consists of pulling down your pants in front of little old ladies on park benches. These people clearly don't get it - and have only exaggerated stereotypes of deranged individuals to go on (severely damaging the fetish's reputation). Perhaps there are people genuinely like that out there - I've never met one, and I'd challenge anyone who hears about one in the news or through the grapevine to dig a little deeper and find out the true story separate from the embellishments and assumptions that people naturally make - often without even realizing they're doing it.

Try to imagine this scenario: you hear something (or you read something), and your brain instantly conjures an image in your head, unavoidably colored by your own experiences and perceptions. Before long, you start forgetting which parts of that image are backed up by the original facts. Then you go and tell somebody else about it in your own words, and they assume the parts you don't even realize you've made up are part of the original report! Anybody who's concerned about exhibitionist behavior should make the minimum required effort of actually talking to an exhibitionist. At the very least, when exhibitionists speak up about their own behaviors, you should shut up and let those who have firsthand experience talk.

And what I'd like to say at this moment, is that there is a huge difference between, on the one hand, finding pleasure in violating the taboo of exposing certain "private" parts of your body in public locations, potentially in the presence of unsuspecting strangers (the whole point being that they don't know), or sharing that moment with like-minded perverts (not sticking it in the faces of god-fearing prudes), as occurs when I post these images online - and, on the other hand, outright exposing yourself to those strangers, to a reaction of shock and horror, and general social disruption. They are two completely different things in my mind, and as an exhibitionist, I can't understand why anyone would even want to do the latter. (The irony inherent in "the thrill of getting caught" is that, generally speaking, actually getting caught is an instant boner killer).

Running Through the Sprinkler

So, what I really wanted to do for the latest image in my Why Nudism? series is take one of those awesome underwater swimming shots you see sometimes. But the harsh reality is that I don't own a swimming pool, don't know any private owners of a swimming pool, can't go skinny dipping in a public pool, and surely can't take a camera into the pool with me at a nudist camp and start snapping pictures. I might be able to sneak a shoot in a lake or river somewhere, but I don't know if the murkiness of the water would be a deal-breaker; at the very least it wouldn't have that bright, clear look that pools have. Plus, there's the added concern of losing your equipment if it gets away from you.

The next option was to do another "coming out of the water" type shot on the beach or lake shore, but I've done those in the past and not been too satisfied with the results (I'd love to have Sports Illustrated's experience); plus the public location makes it harder to focus on the task at hand and get the shot I need (especially if I'm naked). Besides, I really wanted to go above and beyond for the shots in this series, and I didn't want them all to have a "samey" look. That's why I was gunning for the underwater shot - it would be truly unique, as it's something I've never done before. But I'm open to compromises, because above all, I want to get this series finished, and not leave it open indefinitely.

[description: a nude man sprays a garden hose, producing a rainbow]

So one day I was doing yard work in the ninety degree late summer heat, and it crossed my mind that I could cool off by spraying myself with the garden hose. That's when I noticed the rainbows that the spray created, and an idea was born - how cool would it be to do a "running/jumping through the sprinkler" shot, with a rainbow in the frame? I'd like to be able to say that the rest is history, but there's a little more to this story yet. I didn't have enough time before the sun dropped below the treeline to do the shoot right then and there (and you need the sun to get rainbows), so I had to schedule it for another day. Unfortunately, that was the last day of a long 80+ degree streak, before the weather dropped down a good ten to fifteen degrees for several days. When you're outside getting wet, the warmer the temperature is, the better.

But I had to shoulder on anyway. First, however, I had to master the trick of creating rainbows. The process is simple enough - spray some water in direct sunlight. But if you're going to be taking pictures - especially ones that are framed and composed well, and shot with a remote - you need to be able to predict where the rainbow will show up, and make sure it's in a good spot in the frame. And even though a rainbow will move as you move your head (or camera - whatever device is "seeing" the rainbow), it'll only turn up in a particular direction, and at a particular circular angle. So I had to brush up on the science of rainbows (it's pretty fascinating stuff). You probably know that they're caused by sunlight being reflected and refracted in droplets of water. But did you know that if you stand with your back to the sun, the rainbow will appear in a circular arc 42.52 degrees from the spot on the ground where the shadow of your head falls?

Armed with this knowledge, I temporarily experimented with constructing a "rainbow finder" out of a paper cone, scratching down all sorts of trigonometric equations and ratios. Then I decided to just go out in the yard with a camera and my garden hose, and play it by ear. I think the results turned out pretty well. I mean, I would have liked a more prominent rainbow, but under the conditions, I'm happy with what I got. It adds some extra flair to that corner, making the image more interesting overall. (And it's all natural - no Photoshop here!).

[description: series of portraits of a nude man posing with rainbows from a garden sprinkler]

Why Nudism? (Part 10)

[description: a nude man jumps through a garden sprinkler]
Because it's not like swimsuits keep you dry...

Was ever a more pointless garment invented? I've heard arguments both for and against wearing swimsuits for hygienic purposes, and honestly, I can't imagine how it would make much of a difference. Showering before you get in the pool? Sure. But whether or not you're wearing a swimsuit? I don't think so. So what's the point? They don't keep you dry. They don't protect you from the sun (people still use sunscreen and go tanning in swimsuits, precisely because they expose so much of the body). The baggy ones that men too often wear can bunch up and dangerously obstruct one's movement while swimming. And after you get out of the water, you're stuck walking around in a soggy suit - you're more likely to take it off (awkwardly and uncomfortably peeling it off your body) before it ever dries. The only purpose I could envision swimsuits having is to protect your modesty, and they don't even do that particularly well - a common belief among nudists is that, in the same way that censor bars can make fine art look scandalous by the power of suggestion, by emphasizing certain parts of the body, swimsuits are actually more sexual than plain nudity. Besides, skinny dipping is a beloved pastime, and one of the few, rare opportunities textiles have to experience the sheer joy of casual nudity. Let's not lose that.

Fig Leaves

So I went tromping through the woods, on the lookout for the perfect leaf to use in a "fig leaf"-type Garden of Eden shot, for the latest image in my Why Nudism? series. I wanted the biggest leaf I could find (not because my ego is inflated, but because it makes for a more striking visual element), but it was very hard to find ones with good coloration (not mottled with brown spots or overly decayed), an appealing shape, and that weren't eaten through by worms or insects or whatever. But I found a few potential candidates, and brought them home.

The irony, however, is that while I was shooting, I found a nice spot by the corner of the fence, partially obscured on one side by a bush in the foreground. And from a particular angle, I discovered, the bush did all the work in covering me up, rendering the fig leaf unnecessary! And I actually liked the way the foreground branch obscured the view of my genitals better than awkwardly holding the leaf up against my body. It's a bit more suggestive, as it doesn't completely cover me, the way the leaf does, but it also solves my dilemma of the contradiction inherent in shooting a figure modestly covered to demonstrate a lack of shame. The branch covers me from view, to evoke the symbolism of the fig leaf, but it's merely a coincidence of perspective - the figure itself is still completely, unabashedly naked. I think it worked out perfectly - even better than I could have hoped (despite making my work searching for that leaf unnecessary), although I think the other pictures I took with the leaf are still interesting to look at.

[description: series of portraits of a nude figure covered only by a leaf and/or tree branches]

There's something strangely compelling about behind-the-scenes set up shots. Here, I was still just testing lighting, framing, and composition, before committing to taking my shoes off, removing my glasses (and putting in contacts, so I could still see), and brushing my hair out (which was still slightly damp - I had just washed it because I wanted it to be in prime condition for the shoot). Being in the shade also gives it a bit of a different look.

[description: a nude figure covered by a tree branch looks distressed while holding an apple]

This is an alternate version of the final image, with a little more symbolism tying it to "the Fall of Man". I think it's a great image on its own, but I decided against it because it contradicts the central theme of being unashamed.

[description: a nude man holds a leaf over his genitals, but his penis pokes through]

This last one's just for fun. :-p

Reflection on Modeling and Body Acceptance

Preface: I was rereading the description to the latest image in my Why Nudism? series - particularly the part about nudism being a cure for society's tendency to bombard us with unrealistic images of bodily perfection - and it occurred to me that, through my work as an aesthetic artist, I could be considered to be contributing to that problem. So I figured it deserved a little explanation. Granted, this is something I've been struggling with since March (and earlier), but in lieu of a solution, I've decided not to let it stunt my creative drive. (tl;dr - body acceptance includes beautiful bodies, too; celebrating beauty doesn't make it an imperative for happiness; and if the illusion of perfection makes some feel inadequate, I'm not going to let that stop me from honoring it in my art).

As a model, my body may not represent the average (I talk about this more here), but I don't like to participate in making anyone feel inadequate, and the only product I'm hawking is a fitness-oriented, health-conscious lifestyle. There are no magic pills that will make you look like somebody else - only a commitment to exercise and watching your diet (and there's no one strategy that will work for everyone) to make you the best version of yourself. Plus, though I don't personally modify the shape of my body in Photoshop, I make no bones about the fact that photography is often a deliberate process designed to present the subject in the most flattering manner possible. You're only capturing a single instant in time, and not seeing all the "less photogenic" moments in between.

I acknowledge that this is not the best way to advertise nudism's commitment to body acceptance (again, I've brought this up once before), but this is only one aspect of a wider series, the purpose of which is to use my experience as a model and photographer to illustrate the many reasons that someone (myself included) might choose to practice nudism. And, contrary to the common textile lament that "it's always the people you don't want to see naked", the fact that nudism features bodies of all shapes and sizes means that there will occasionally be those that are so-called "model beautiful". One of the things I personally like about nudism is that nudity can be beautiful. It doesn't have to be, but it can be, and when it is, it's sublime. It's one of the many things that keeps me coming back to the lifestyle, and it's what I want to capture in my art.

I wouldn't object to doing a companion series using average people with normal bodies, for a more realistic (rather than idealistic) take on nudism, but the truth is, I don't have people like that to work with (and people like that are typically less enthusiastic about being models), and it's not really the kind of photography I do. I'm an aesthetic artist much more than a documentarian. I don't know that I have the skill to depict something compelling - like a subject's humanity - without making it look superficially appealing. I'd certainly be willing to try, if the opportunity presented itself, and I'd welcome anyone else's attempt to take my idea and do it their own way, for better or worse. In the meantime, this is what I do best, and I like doing it, so I'm not going to worry too much - I'm just going to get on with it.

Why Nudism? (Part 9)

Not to get all religious (rest assured, nudism includes members of diverse religious faiths and doctrines - there are even Christian nudist groups), but according to the Bible, Adam and Eve perused the Garden of Eden naked - the way God made them ("and they were both naked...and were not ashamed" Genesis 2:25). It was only later, after stealing the forbidden fruit, that they became ashamed, and began the unfortunate practice of covering their nakedness (though not by God's edict). Previously, they had been blissfully unaware that their bodies were anything to be ashamed of ("'who told you that you were naked?' God asked" Genesis 3:11). Nudism is simply a call to return to that state of innocence, where a naked body is seen as natural and unthreatening, and not a symptom of a sexually-obsessed culture.

[description: a nude figure stands in a garden, covered only by a tree branch]
Because I am not ashamed of my body.

Moreover, in this day and age, the media bombards us with messages that are designed to make us draw comparisons to unrealistic models of perfection, and become unsatisfied with the way we look (so that we'll fork over our hard-earned money to buy products that claim to make us look and feel better)*. Even aside from the issue of nakedness, we are taught to feel ashamed of our bodies, and criticized as being prideful, even narcissistic, if we don't. To a significant extent, nudism positions itself as a cure to this social malaise - by exposing people to real bodies, in all their vast diversity, in the hope that people will adopt more realistic expectations, and learn to love their body just the way it is. I practice nudism because I do not feel ashamed of my body, and I do not care who sees me naked.

*More on this here.

Dark Ritual

It's always fun when there's a Friday the 13th in October. I even pulled out my pagan priest collar (a.k.a. druid's cloak). It was a perfectly mild Autumn night to perform dark rituals by firelight - skyclad or bust!

[description: a nude figure with outstretched arms emerges from darkness into firelight]

As I sacrificed a Holy Bible to the infernal flame, I was thinking about what a huge lie Satanism is. Not Satanists - they're great - but the original concept of Satanism. As imaginative as the idea of a dark, fallen God lurking in the shadows and preying on mankind's weaker natures is (I love horror, so I get the appeal), it's a complete fiction. From a historical perspective, horned gods, rituals by firelight, even blood sacrifice - these are all attributes of old, animistic, tribal religions. These people that existed before Christ didn't worship the devil. But then Christ's followers swooped in, and they couldn't abide any gods beside their own. So they literally demonized other people's beliefs, labeling them as pagans, heathens, and devil-worshipers.

I'm not saying the old ways were perfect (yeah, I'm not too keen on the whole blood sacrifice thing), but the new ways aren't without flaw, either. And given how the Christian establishment has co-opted so many pagan holidays (because it's easier to re-brand a holiday than make entire cultures celebrate new ones) - the birth of the sun (not son) on the winter solstice, symbols of fertility (rabbits and eggs) accompanying the resurrection in the spring, and evil spirits roaming the land in the fall - you'd think they'd be a little more grateful. I declare, Christianity's treatment of paganism is no less appalling than the treatment of Native Americans at the hands of the forebears of the United States.

Why Nudism? (Part 8)

[description: a nude figure curls into the fetal position on the floor]
Because I was born this way.

Nudists have a saying (usually attributed to Oscar Wilde): "if man were meant to be nude, he would have been born that way." And, of course, we were. Even textiles acknowledge this fact, evident in the phrase "naked as the day you were born", as well as the euphemistic term "birthday suit". As a justification for nudism, this doesn't quite pass logical muster (one must be wary of the naturalistic fallacy), but it does possess a certain poetry. After all, every single member of the human population - without exception - is naked underneath their clothes. It's a fundamental part of our humanity. And man is the only animal on this planet that covers its nakedness for reasons other than pragmatism. I mean, yeah, there are practical reasons to wear clothes - be it comfort, safety, or hygiene. But we don't wear them in a goal-oriented fashion, the way we put on rain boots to keep our feet dry, gloves to prevent blisters, or helmets to protect ourselves from head injuries. We wear them as a matter of course. And we're so dedicated to hiding the bodies we inhabit from birth, that a minor slip - e.g., walking from the shower to the bedroom not wrapped in a towel - is treated like a serious crime against common decency. Why? Is it because naked bodies remind us of sex? If that's the case, then more exposure to nudism is the solution.

Four Phases

Conception (an idea is born)

As artist and creator, I can divide the life of my images into four distinct phases. The first phase is conception. This is when the very idea of the image is conceived in my mind. I imagine it in my head, think about what I want it to look like, what meaning I want it to convey, and what I will need to provide (costumes, locations, opportunities) in order to bring it to life. This is the planning stage.

In some cases, the conception phase is very short - when I'm feeling inspired, or spontaneous; when a picture opportunity presents itself to me and I rush to grab my camera so that I may capture it; or when I already have my camera out and begin brainstorming for ideas on the spot. Other times, an image is planned out in detail far in advance - weeks, months, sometimes even years if it requires a rare opportunity, or if its priority level isn't very high - and I spend much time thinking about it before I have a chance to bring it to life.

Great images can be produced by either approach, as can bad ones. There is a greater sense of accomplishment when a well-planned photo turns out well (and a corresponding level of disappointment when it doesn't work out), but some of the best photos are born of pure serendipity. An artist must have good instincts in either case.

Construction (a photo is created)

Once plans are made, and the proper time has come, the image enters its second phase: construction. This is when the photograph is actually produced within the camera. It transforms from a hypothetical concept in my head to an actual, viewable, shareable image. This is also when the majority of the physical work involved in a photoshoot occurs.

More often than not, a single idea will produce multiple variations - with subtle or major differences in lighting, posing, framing, and composition. The amount of wiggle room available may depend on the strictness of the concept, or the degree to which I've mapped it out in my head, as well as the creativity of my imagination, and the ingenuity of my technical experience, all in the moment that I am shooting the concept.

Moreover, as a self-portrait photographer - as I have explained in the past - there is a lot of trial-and-error involved, since you cannot be operating the camera and posing for the image simultaneously (in most cases). I tend to err on the side of taking too many images (for better or worse), in order to improve my chances of getting one or more that not only cover all the basic requirements - e.g., the image is in focus, I'm standing in the right position, my pose looks good, the sun is shining - but also stands out to my eye as an exceptional work of art.

Culmination (the photo is polished)

Once the shoot is done - after I have exhausted myself; taken enough time or shot enough images; after the necessary conditions (such as natural light) have expired; or, in the best case, if I'm satisfied that I've gotten the image(s) I want - and I've packed up my stuff and gone home (if I'm not already there), the image enters the third phase: culmination.

This is the stage where I can see my concept bearing fruit. It occurs mostly while I'm sitting in front of a computer screen, and (in most cases) before anyone else has seen the image. If I've done my job well, after culling and post-processing, I will end up with at least one image that I think looks really good, and communicates my message clearly (if there is one intended). I will generally get very excited about it (as you should with any good piece of art), and periodically pull it up to look at it again and again while it's still fresh to my eyes.

Sooner or later - and this may not always happen right away - I will publish that image in some form (even if it's just posting it to my blog), releasing it to the world for it to be judged and (hopefully) admired. Photo sharing sites are better for community feedback in my experience, although blogging gives me more control (and less restrictions). At this point, I will ideally begin to get a sense of how other people feel about the image, whether they think it's as good as I think it is, and whether it gets across my message as well as I think it does. This is where you learn what works and what doesn't work when it comes to using art to communicate with the world, and where you discover what it takes to satisfy an audience (if that's something you're concerned with).

Competition (the photo is evaluated)

This is the beginning of the competition phase - where an image joins my greater body of work, and proves its mettle against every other image I've ever taken. Sometimes photos that I really loved when I took them lose their luster, and become less enthralling, or are surpassed by similar images I'd taken previously, or end up taking later. Other times, images I had more or less glossed over at the time begin to stand out because they possess a certain compelling quality that is nevertheless hard-to-gauge. Or, my opinion of an image might change as my own tastes grow and evolve, or as my perspective on its meaning changes, or if it represents a particular moment in my life, the significance of which grows in importance as time marches on.

Inevitably, the images I like and the images my audience likes will not always be the same. But I do value the opinions of others, as a successful artist must learn to juggle his personal tastes with what the public likes, so that does have some effect on what I consider my greatest works to be. Although transient, there is undeniable value in the images I like just after I take them, regardless of how they measure up in the long run. That's part of the fun of being an artist, and trying to create something of value to communicate your feelings and experience to the world. There is also some excitement in the risk - putting your talents on the line to see whether or not your skills are up to the task of realizing your creative ambitions. If at any point you fail, there is always room to learn and improve, and try again some other time.

In the long run, however, it can be said that the only thing of real, lasting importance, is the impression a photo makes over time. Both to me personally, and to the world at large. And as my body of work continues to grow - and with my own growth as a photographer, I am adding what I like to believe are generally better and better photos each year - this is constantly changing. But as it does, I become an ever more competent photographer, with an increasingly impressive portfolio to show off to others.

I've been doing this photography thing seriously (meaning beyond just dabbling) for about ten years now, and I feel like I'm gaining the confidence that ought to come with that. There are flashes of brilliance going back to my original daily nudes project [NSFW] in 2008 - hints of my creative talent shining through even my lack of experience. But I have improved enormously since then, both in my ability to take better pictures (through sheer force of experience, having taken so many in the last ten years, by developing an instinct for what works and what doesn't), and my own personal standards, as I desire to show myself in the best light.

Where do we go from here? Perhaps all the things I'd dreamed of, that I hadn't realized I wasn't ready for back then, will happen now. Or perhaps I'm still not ready, in which case I'll just keep working at it and keep getting better, until I'm good enough that somebody notices. Or I'll eventually die in obscurity, unappreciated by the broader public. Whatever happens, I'll keep doing what I enjoy, and getting better at it, because it makes me happy, and gives me a sense of purpose in life.

Coral Sheets

Here are some outtakes from the photoshoot that produced the latest image in my Why Nudism? series. I had a bit of a unique challenge with this concept, in that I needed to simultaneously demonstrate that the figure in bed was nude, while also emphasizing the contact between the figure's skin and the bed sheets. And most people don't sleep on top of their sheets. So I had to play around with how much coverage there was. There had to be enough exposure to suggest full-on nakedness (and not just, say, being topless, or wearing shorts), but I wanted it to look at least moderately natural, and not too carefully posed. So I ultimately opted for a "tousled" sort of look, although wrangling the bed sheets - to get a good pattern of coverage, that looked aesthetic - was a nightmare. I think the results were pretty appealing in the end, though!

[description: series of portraits of a nude, long-haired figure variably covered with a bed sheet]

As much as I love full exposure in my photography (as you must by now have noticed :-p), there are times when a hint of coy suggestion can be very effective. I considered early on whether to avoid full  nudity during my Why Nudism? series - because all along, I've had the idea that I could share it with a broader audience - but, in addition to the fact that doing a series on nudism without nudity would be a little hypocritical, I figured out quickly that there would be some shots the effectiveness of which would be severely hampered by going out of my way to avoid full exposure.

So I decided to take a "come what may" approach - which is appropriate to the nudist outlook - and I like that I'm coming up with a nice mixture of shots so far: some with full, unabashed frontal nudity, others with coy views from the back, and some, like my latest one, that maintain the suggestion and illusion of nudity, without being too in your face about it. Perhaps that will allow me to produce a specially-culled preview of images from the full series for audiences that are not completely opposed to the concept, but perhaps still a little bit squeamish about the nudity (e.g., promotional contexts in which you'll be exposed to a wide range of audiences, some of which may not be interested in looking any further).

Why Nudism? (Part 7)

[description: a nude, long-haired figure lays in bed, wrapped in coral sheets]
Because my bed sheets are so soft!

I think that most people probably do not sleep naked - except for those times when a lovemaking session turns into a sleepover. I'd bet, though, that most people do typically "dress down" for bed, either wearing comfortable pajamas, or their underwear. But there seems to be a barrier to going nude, in the textile world, that doesn't exist when it comes to bathing. Some people may be concerned with sharing a bed (with someone other than an intimate partner), or the possibility of being interrupted (e.g., by kids or a roommate), or not wanting to waste time finding clothes if there is an emergency. Your first impulse upon climbing out of bed in the morning may not be to put your pants on, so sleeping naked does tend to dovetail well with roaming the house naked, which isn't something that I imagine most textiles do with any regularity. Still, I'd bet that some people who do not consider themselves nudists do sleep naked - if you google "sleep naked", you get a whole host of articles on the many health benefits of sleeping naked, and I'd be surprised if they were all written by nudists. Plus, popular mattress brand Tempur-Pedic's logo not-so-subtly depicts a nude woman sleeping on her side (in the rare case that a nudist-friendly corporate logo has not succumbed to modern hysteria, like Coppertone has), even if just for the luxury and sensation of it. But hey, that's not a bad reason!

Shopping

At this time of year, I should be shopping for jackets because the weather's turning cooler, but apart from that cold snap we had in the wake of those hurricanes at the beginning of September, the temperature's been pleasantly hot of late. Ironically, it was walking into the store, kept at a cool 60 degrees, while dressed for 90 degree temperatures, that had me reaching for a jacket or robe of some sort to put on while I browsed the racks, just to keep my teeth from chattering.

[description: store mirror selfie in a yellow sundress and denim jacket]

This jacket looked cute on me. It was too small, though.

[description: store mirror selfie in a short, pink robe with black polka dots]

A nice, fuzzy robe - very warm. And if I tuck the edges of my dress up under it, it looks like I've got nothing else on!

[description: store mirror selfies in a floor-length, teal floral kimono]

This robe was very pretty. Definitely had a "kimono" look going on. And my thick, heeled flip flops turned out to be a perfect match for it! I had fun walking around in it for a bit, until I realized it was 100% polyester and it started building up mad static (what with my hair rubbing against it). Oh well.

[description: store selfie trying on a brown, wedge-heeled sandal]

These shoes were cute. I'm looking for a replacement for a similar pair I own - they're one of my favorite pairs of heels for when I want to dress up a bit. But I've worn them so much they're falling apart. These ones were just slightly too small for me (perhaps you can see my big toe hanging off the edge). Besides, the ankle strap on the other one was busted anyway...

[description: fitting room selfies in a light pink, floral romper]

This pink romper was adorable. I have to say I like the idea of the romper. I want one, but I've yet to find one that will work for my special requirements. Denim shorts are one thing, but lighter materials are far less forgiving of my bulge (especially when the entire garment is being pulled up at the crotch). And as for the top, I have a hard time imagining how even a properly-busted girl would be able to keep it from falling down... It is terribly cute, though.

[description: fitting room selfie in a deep blue, strapless formal dress]

I had strapless, shoulderless tops and dresses on my mind lately, so I tried this one on. It's hard to find one, as I'm sure you can imagine, that will stay up (especially for a flat-chested girl such as myself). This one is a snug fit (but not too snug), and the lining inside the top has a rubber grip, so it holds its place better than most. It was $3 on clearance, so I bought it. It's a real pretty shade of blue. Looking at it in my closet now, it seems as though I don't have many clothes in that color register. Now I have another dress to add to my "semiformal" collection! (More things I don't wear as much as I'd like to...)

[description: nude fitting room selfie, from the back]

Until next time... you know what they say - I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave! ;-p

Golden Hour

"Golden hour" is one of those photography clichés that I never played around with much. It requires a certain amount of outdoor freedom, at a particular time of day, that maybe I didn't have so much of in the past. I do remember lots of budding teenage girl photographers on flickr taking advantage of it, usually to good (if samey) effect. To be honest, I hadn't even set out to shoot during golden hour. But I'd been doing some lawn work into the evening, on another beautiful, ninety degree day (R.I.P.), and at the end of it I decided on a whim to cool down under the spray from the hose I was using to water some plants. It was exhilarating, and oh so refreshing! I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. Of course, being outdoors, with the water dripping off my body (in the up-to-now rare situation where I can be both naked outside and using a camera), I felt inspired to capture the moment. So you see me here drying off in the sunlight (which is much more satisfying than using a towel), in what just happened to turn out to be golden hour. Serendipity!

[description: nude backyard selfies illuminated by golden sunlight]

I feel like nudists tend to de-emphasize this point (which is disappointing, because it's one of my favorite things about nudism), because it's not all-encompassing (which nudism admirably tries to be) to acknowledge the aesthetic evaluation of people's bodies, and because it also skirts dangerously close to sexuality ("for I must tell you that we artists cannot tread the path of Beauty without Eros keeping company with us and appointing himself as our guide"), but sometimes the simple addition of nudity can make the world such a sublimely more beautiful place.

I tell you, if there is no room within nudism (although I believe there is) for the admiration of beautiful naked bodies (that doesn't involve the presumption of spontaneous sex orgies - again, I must acknowledge the oft-ignored virtue of the erotic that lies between perfect chastity and outright abandon), then a new lifestyle needs to be invented to honor such a thing (and no, I'm not talking about swinging).

I swear, within nudism or without, there is no allowance for such admiration in anything but a purely perverted and deviant context. Naked is beautiful. Naked is exciting. Naked can also be sexual, but this doesn't have to be the case. Naked can be beautiful and exciting in a PG-context (PG-13, tops), too. That's what I'd like to celebrate on a larger scale.

Bikini Closeout Sale!

'Tis the season to go rummaging through racks of swimsuits on clearance! And at the time of this writing, temperatures are still regularly in the eighties (if not higher), so you might even have a chance to use them! Although, unfortunately, all the pools have already closed down for the season. Nevertheless, I treated myself to a trip to the mall today, to try on some bikinis. Finding matching pieces in the right sizes is tough when you're picking through the season's leftovers, but that's part of the fun of discovery!

Much as I love bikinis, there's really little to no opportunity for me to actually wear them, except for photoshoots at home. But even so, they still bring me joy. I'd worried in the past that I was spending money filling up my drawers with clothes I can never wear, but I realized something today. I'd feel a little bit guilty trying on bikinis if I never bought one. After all, my fear of shopping in the women's department abated only when I came to the understanding that these are the clothes I wear. I'm not a stranger in a strange land - this is where I belong! So if I have to buy a swimsuit every now and then to achieve the legitimacy of "paying customer" status, so be it. I'll just consider it a "bikini tax" for the enjoyment I get from seeing how the different styles look on my body.

[description: fitting room selfies nude and dressed, carrying a haul of bikinis]

Are you ready? Let's try on some bikinis!

[description: fitting room selfies in a green, strapless bikini with ruching]

I liked this bikini. Such a pretty shade of green. The top was way too big for me, though - I couldn't find any smaller ones. Also, I've found that these bandeau-style tube-type tops - as much as I love how they're practically just a strip of fabric across your chest - don't flatter me very well, because I don't have much cleavage to start with, and they tend to emphasize my broad shoulders.

[description: fitting room selfies in a maroon, triangle-top bikini with ruffles]

This pinkish/purplish suit was just adorable. I love the ruffles - so cute! Sadly, I could only find it in XS (extra small - there was also a pretty yellow suit that I wanted to try on, but it was only available in XL, and there was no way it was going to fit on me). I may not be very big (tall, yes - especially for a woman - but not big), but XS is a bit of a stretch for me.

[description: fitting room selfies in a ruched, teal bikini with scalloped edges]

Ah, the coveted ruched suit! I love this suit so much. It doesn't work on my body at all, but I so wish it did. Note how the top is comically large (I couldn't find anything in less than a D cup), while the bottom is comically small - it might fit around my hips, but it absolutely does not contain my "stuff", as you can see. Which is a real shame. I love the ruched look. It's so cute and flattering. I'd settle for a fuller front just to have that kind of framing for my butt.

[description: fitting room selfies in front of a three-fold mirror in a teal, patterned bikini]

This one was my favorite of the day, averaging both the style and fit. The top was the smallest cup size I found on the entire rack - a B. Still more cup than I need, but not so much that it looks out of proportion to the rest of my body. Plus, it actually does a good job of creating the illusion of a bust. Those cloth triangles you get with string bikinis are versatile; they conform to just about any chest size. But the downside is that if you're flat-chested, they won't hide it.

As for the bottoms, they're a small, so it's a snug fit (what with my package included). They don't disguise my anatomy (as few if any women's swimsuits can), but they do a better job than many of keeping me relatively contained, and the busy pattern provides some discretion. Plus, my butt looks great spilling out a little bit - it gives it some extra curvature. I felt confident enough to check myself out in the shared three-way mirror.

[description: fashion selfies in the previous bikini, modeled at home]

So I bought them. I paid my bikini tax. They were on clearance, anyway, so they only cost me $15 all together. Score! I was so excited when I got home, I couldn't even wait till I cut off the tags to do yet another photoshoot in them, lol. Now, into the drawer they go...

Ruched Justice

[description: photo of a skimpy pair of teal bikini bottoms with scalloped edges]

Don't tell this to my doctor, but even though I like my penis and wouldn't want to lose it, I'd consider getting Sexual Reassignment Surgery just to be able to wear bikinis in public. Can you believe there are women out there who could actually get away with wearing these bottoms? Look at them - they're amazing! Please, tell me what the male equivalent of that is? Perhaps a man could legally wear bikini briefs on public land (probably not on the grounds of a business, though), but that, unlike this, is not an accepted part of our culture. I can go to a general purpose department store at my local mall (in Nowheresville, U.S.A.), and find bikinis like this in multiple colors, patterns, and styles, yet men have no equivalent option. If you're lucky, you might find a Speedo or two at a sporting goods store (because that's athletic wear, not casual fashion), probably in dull, solid colors (most frequently black or blue), and you still won't be permitted to wear it at your local pool. \o/

That gives me an idea, though. Women are campaigning for top freedom (which I wholeheartedly support). I should campaign for bottom equality. Even accounting for the greater protuberance of men's genitalia, singling out swim briefs, and restricting men to the pseudo-option of board shorts or longer board shorts, is sexual discrimination, pure and simple. Sad thing is, justice doesn't carry much weight when it's not popular. I'm sure most men would prefer to just go on "sexually obectifying" women while themselves being free from the pressure of sexual objectification. How come there aren't more women on my side? Come on - guys in Speedos? You know you want to see it!

Why Nudism? (Part 6)

[description: a nude figure with long hair stands reflectingly before a mirror]
Because my body is beautiful.

I suspect this may be one of the more controversial images in this series, as one of the fundamental tenets of nudism is that it is for every body (with which I do not disagree). But I don't believe that body acceptance is incompatible with the aesthetic principle of beauty. On the one hand, there is the belief that all bodies are beautiful. But that reassurance doesn't sound convincing when it's coming from someone that anyone would acknowledge is beautiful by conventional standards.

Of course, beauty is subjective, and no matter what you look like, there will be people whose preferences don't align with yours. So you may think I am beautiful, but others may disagree, and regardless of what anyone thinks, having confidence in one's own appearance is valuable, however difficult it may be to find (and I can tell you from personal experience that even traditionally beautiful people don't always realize they're beautiful).

I believe that anyone can and should enjoy nudism, no matter what they look like. But I also believe that my body is beautiful, and that beauty is a virtue, therefore I should share that beauty with others (which nudism allows me to do), and not keep it hidden selfishly away (as the textile world compels me to do). That's why I model, and it's also one of the many reasons I practice nudism, even if it's not one that every nudist will share. After all, you only need one reason to be a nudist. Not agreeing with them all isn't a reason not to practice nudism.

Outfit of the Day (nopan version)

[description: fashion selfies in a pink slip dress and flip flops, skirt flipped to reaveal no underwear]

I love this little pink dress. It's one of my favorite things to wear. I love it so much, I own two! And it's hard to believe, but I've had them since from a time before I started shaving my legs [NSFW]. (Are you tired of seeing it yet)? It's not perfect. When I'm in a self-conscious mood, I worry that it emphasizes my broad shoulders and flat chest, to the point of making me look like "a man in a dress" (notwithstanding counter-stereotypes). But when I'm being less self-critical, I think it looks downright adorable. I love how skimpy it is - cutting off just above the chest and at the upper thigh - it totally flatters my legs, which are one of my best features, and the placement of the ruffles does a pretty good job of hiding my bulge (assuming I'm wearing underwear - otherwise the sway of my free-standing member tends to resonate with the pleats in dangerous harmony). And yet it covers enough to be perfectly street legal (and the neck tie keeps it from falling down, although I do have to constantly adjust it to keep it from sagging, especially now that it's a bit old and worn out). And it's so quick and easy to put on and slip off! It's a great thing to wear during the summer (or late fall), when it's ninety degrees out. I wish I had more dresses like this.

Why Nudism? (Parts 4 & 5)

[description: a nude figure kneels on all fours in front of a box fan]
Because it gets hot in the summer.

The next two images in this series both deal with a similar theme - the discomfort of wearing sweaty clothing - one as the result of temperature, and the other exercise. In the first case, stripping down when you're hot makes no less sense than bundling up when you're cold. People tend to wear clothes that bare a lot of skin in the summer, and for good reason. If it weren't for the nudity taboo, I'd expect to see a lot more naked people during the warmer months - at parks and pools, and in their homes. Is some vague notion of "modesty" more important than your personal comfort? Or avoiding heat stroke? There's no excuse for covering up when it's ninety degrees out. You might even save a few bucks on your electric bill! And don't try to tell me you've never coped with a broken air conditioner by foregoing the daily routine of getting dressed.

[description: a naked man wearing only jogging shoes runs on a treadmill]
Because clothing clings to your body when you sweat.

Have you seen workout clothes? They tend to look a lot like underwear - tight, and skimpy. Inevitably, exercise has the tendency to warm us up, even when the ambient temperature is cool. And your body needs proper ventilation. I might have to concede - especially to women with large chests - that having proper support for one's "dangly bits" is a valid concern. But, to be honest, I've yet to try an activity where, having become accustomed to the feeling of my penis flopping around, it has caused any real issues beyond the vigorous motion and contact resulting in temporary partial engorgement. Of course, some activities require safety gear, but beyond that, there's nothing stopping you from, say, going for a bike ride wearing a helmet and maybe knee pads - but nothing else. No sweaty clothes to deal with, and less laundry to do later. And when you're done, you can just hop in the shower to rinse off!

The Disguise is Still Thin

I was looking at this old image, thinking about the thoughts it had conjured in me about a year and a half ago, and it stirred up a lot of old feelings. I guess not much has changed on this subject, although a year and a half is a small amount of time for the kinds of sweeping changes I envision. Still, here's the reformulation of my thoughts:

Sometimes I think about all the effort we expend to hide the simple fact of our sexual natures, when it is ever only hiding just under the surface of everyday life, and it just seems so...insane. Like to acknowledge our bodies and the purpose they are driven towards would send society screeching to a halt, or worse, crashing down around us in flames. There are worse "sins" than perversion. You can destroy yourself with illicit drugs, give in to selfish and antisocial impulses, and sabotage your own well-being. But sex is a fundamental part of living. Yeah, it feels good, and there's a risk of indulging too heavily, without proper preparation and protection. But you can kill yourself from eating too much fat or sugar, and those are everyday staples of our diet, available in every grocery store. Every morning we get up and transport ourselves about town in roving death machines. And by and large, we're okay. Admitting that the anticipation of the sensation of a penis entering a vagina (or any number of other more and less related stimuli) gets you excited (as your instincts dictate) isn't going to destroy the fabric of society. It isn't going to cause churches to spontaneously combust, nor is it going to irrevocably scar our children for life. So can we just get over it already?

I posted this over at deviantART [NSFW], and got a nice response (you can read it on that page), which had me thinking further about the impact that religion (specifically Christianity) has had on our sexual attitudes. I feel strongly about what I wrote, so I wanted to reproduce it here on my blog:

I do think religion has had a lot to do with it. I remember reading The Mists of Avalon, which depicts a world in transition between the old religions and Christianity, and thinking about the effect the latter has had on changing man's perception of his sexual impulses. I can see its utility in a civilizing context; after all, if you control sex - who and how people procreate - you control the population. Which isn't to say that I believe in an elaborate conspiracy, but what purpose does religion serve if not to protect the masses from their own baser impulses?

Still, I think that in this age of contraceptive technology, it's counterproductive (to which the results of any study on abstinence education will attest) for priests to continue to be the stewards of our primal instincts (especially in light of their own moral failings). It's time we took responsibility for our actions back into our own hands. We needn't embrace the illusion that sex is sinful just in order to control our urges. Maturity, technology, and public education are sufficient for that. Sacrificing a holistically positive approach towards human sexuality (as the ancient pagans must have had) should only have ever been a means to an end - a necessary evil, if you will. It's time to cast that view aside, and embrace sex - safely and responsibly - not as wild animals, but as the evolved and sophisticated race of intelligent beings we ought by now to be.

Or maybe I'm just ahead of my time.

Solar Therapy

[description: a nude man leans up against a post, sunlit and with a prominent erection]

I'm totally a warmbody. The heat and the sunshine feels so amazing against my skin. I often feel like I should move south, and "go where the weather suits my clothes" (or lack thereof). I know that sex has no place in nudism, but if it's the activity of being nude itself (either at home, outdoors, or around others) that gets you excited, I don't see why that shouldn't be embraced as part of the lifestyle. If you enjoy white water rafting so much that it actually turns you on, you're still a legitimate white water rafter. And so long as you're not behaving lewdly or bending someone over and fucking them right there in front of others, then I don't see any problem.

I wish we could separate sexual arousal from sexual activity in our minds. But then, maybe I'm really not like most people, after all. Although I'd prefer to believe that I've simply stumbled upon an alternative way of thinking, if only I could just persuade the rest of the world to get on board. Okay, maybe I'm delusional. But I can't deny that it works for me (apart from the difficulties fitting in). Imagine a world that unselfconsciously celebrates the beauty of eroticism, without necessarily devolving into a 24/7 group orgy. Not that group orgies can't be fun, but they require a certain amount of planning and organization (making sure the participants all want to have sex with each other, and knowing what their likes/boundaries are) for maximum pleasure.

I just don't want people assuming that erections inevitably lead to intercourse. I mean, there's literally nothing harmful about somebody walking down a public street with a raging hard-on. It's the fear of what that could lead to, based on what we associate it with, that makes people uncomfortable. Call me crazy, but I want to disassociate erections with sex. They're sexual, but not everything sexual has to involve sex. I want to end the demonization and compartmentalization (literally relegating it to the bedroom, or else under your clothing) of sexual arousal.

And the only difference that practicing nudism makes is that you can see it. Guys are getting hard all the time under their clothes, for all kinds of reasons. If nudism is truly about doing things just like textiles do them, but without clothes on, then seeing an erection spring up every now and then should be a regular occurrence. It only has as much meaning as we give it. And right now, the meaning we're giving it is indicative of our sex-negative (which is not exclusive of being sex-obsessed) culture. All I'm saying is there's a better way.

Who let the dog out?

[description: a nude man poses on all fours in a field under bright, fluffy clouds]

Here's a nice trick to taking a great artistic nude photo. Don't just point the camera at a nude body and snap a picture. You can't neglect composition and framing. Set up a shot (whether it's indoors or outdoors, but this is especially effective for landscape nudes) that looks good even without the figure/model in it. (I guess as a self-portrait photographer, I have a leg up in this respect). Then, add the figure to the shot in a suitable location. (You will, of course, still want to make sure the lighting and the posing of the figure looks good). This way, you won't just have a nice picture of a naked body (which could describe a lot of low effort porn), but you'll have a work of art that anyone could appreciate! It's like writing out a good solid melody on an acoustic guitar before adding a lot of feedback. Sure, the feedback rocks, and takes the song to a whole other level, but you don't want to be accused of having all fluff and no substance.

[description: a nude man lies face up in the grass under a big, blue sky]

Also, a large part of the appeal of this particular scene isn't just the fact that I'm naked, but the fact that I'm naked outdoors, on a nice patch of grass, in the sunshine, under a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds. Context is key.

Outfit of the Day (#ootd)

[description: bathroom mirror selfie in casual, girly clothes]

Being an internet model has taught me to see myself the way other people see me. And random offhand remarks aside, nobody is as critical about your appearance as you are yourself. Finding out that there are people out there who think I am attractive has enabled me to look past the flaws (and I have plenty), and focus more on the parts that I like about my body. Nobody's perfect. And nobody has to be. There are ways you can improve your appearance - I didn't like how I looked when I started putting on weight, so I worked to get rid of it, and I've never looked back. And I strive to find clothes that balance the sometimes conflicting influences of what I like and what looks good on my body.

As a guy who wants to look like a girl, I probably have a pretty quirky sense of style (I'd describe it as a cross between pretty princess and teenage whore). But there has to be a limit to the constant self-judgment. If you don't like something about yourself, work to change it. And if you can't or won't work to change it, then learn to accept it instead. But stop going through life always putting yourself down. There will always be somebody out there more beautiful than you are. But there will be somebody uglier, too. You're neither the best nor the worst example of humanity. So just focus on being the best possible you, and learn to be happy with that. Confidence goes a long way.

Motel Morning

[description: a nude male with erection peers out the window from the shadows of a motel room]

My first instinct when waking up in a motel room naked and erect is to swing the curtains wide. But, of course, with the daylight comes the potential for prying eyes. Not that I care if anyone sees me, but if someone gets offended, somehow that's my responsibility...

Seems to me that windows were made for looking out, not looking in. As far as I'm concerned, if you go peeping and see something you don't like, that's on you. But we live in a culture that loves to waive personal responsibility and blame somebody else for the shit we step in. So it's safest just to not shit in the street. :-p

Anyway, my second instinct is to test out the mirrors.

[description: a nude man with hand on erection holds a phone up to a motel room mirror]

Yep, lookin' good. :-3

Outfit of the Day (Motel Room Edition)

[description: a long-haired, girly figure partially strips in front of a motel room mirror]

It's fun to think about how, in spite of all our desperate measures aimed at covering the fact of our nakedness, there isn't a person alive whose most intimate parts are more than a layer or two of thin fabric away from being exposed at any time, even as they walk down a public street. That there's a sexy, seedy reality lying barely hidden under the fragile surface of civilized life. Considering how ubiquitous our bodies are, and how strong the nudity taboo is, it's an impressive feat - if indicative of severe neuroticism.

Of course, part of the fun of getting naked is bucking the social programming we've been fed all our lives to deny our more natural, authentic selves. Nudists come in all stripes, but one thing you can say about a nudist is that they're willing to question at least one of the most fundamental (and arbitrary) social imperatives that we're taught from a young age - don't let anyone see what you look like under your clothes.

Mental Autonomy

Consent-Based Ethics and Sexual Thoughtcrime

In a recent discussion on voyeurism among nudists (who are notoriously opposed to the concept, when I feel they should be natural allies), I wrote the following:

"Consent is important. But we should also consider what it is that's being consented to, and whether it's really something that needs to be consented to. You don't have a right, for example, to police the image of you that exists inside my head."

This was in response to the mounting notion (which I kind of feel is a regrettable conservative reaction to an otherwise positive progressive social engineering strategy) that consent-based sexual ethics can be extended to people's thoughts and fantasies. That if you experience any kind of sexual stimulation (physical or psychological) at the "expense" of a non-consenting other, you are in effect committing a form of rape (the violation of another's consent for purposes of sexual gratification). Frankly, I think it's insulting to even refer to this as rape, but without using the term, that's how people are describing it (a violation of sexual consent), and I believe we should be straightforward about the ridiculousness of what these people are suggesting.

This is why I think we should balance the importance of consent with a rational analysis of the harm principle. Person A may not have consented to be featured in the sexual fantasies of Person B, but how much harm does this really do? And what about a person's mental autonomy? You can't tell me I'm not allowed to think sexual thoughts about another person. How is that any different from telling me I can't think bad thoughts about another person? That's a gross violation of my mental space. And as somebody with anxiety who constantly worries that other people are thinking bad thoughts about me, you'd think I'd want to be able to police other people's minds. But as much agony as it causes me, I know the problem is in my own head, and I can recognize that controlling other people's minds as a solution would be beyond the pale, and is something that can never be seriously considered in a free society.

So all these people saying, "I didn't consent for you to masturbate to me", need to make a distinction. In the context of exhibitionism, it's true that current public standards dictate that you can't just whip your genitals out and start masturbating in public because you saw something that turned you on. That's a crime of exposure. It has nothing to do with who or what caused that person to decide to behave indecently. But in the context of voyeurism, if you see something that you like, and want to pleasure yourself to the sight of it (right then, provided you're somewhere private) or the thought of it (later) - so long as you are not exposed in public, then you are doing nothing wrong. Nobody in this society has the right to violate another person's mental autonomy by dictating that their image, or the thought of their person in somebody else's head, cannot be used as a masturbatory aid.

This is one of those stances that doesn't sound very politically correct - hence why it is so unpopular - yet is paramount to maintaining the integrity of our sense of justice and civil liberty. A lot of people are content to campaign for whatever easy notion is popular ("ew, I don't want nasty perverts thinking about me when they jerk off" as opposed to "mental autonomy is critical, even if it may result in some minorly uncomfortable implications"). I prefer to campaign for what is right. After all, sex has always been the fulcrum around which tyrants and dictators have tried to restrict human rights. Establish a system of controlling people's sexual thoughts - which few would oppose - and it's a simple matter to tweak the system to be able to control people's other thoughts as well. Before you know it, an authoritarian dystopia has snuck in through the back door.

Just ask yourself this question to find out where you stand: do you (and should you) have the right to think about whatever you want when you stimulate yourself sexually? I bet a surprising number of people would say no. And that bothers me, because we're living in an age where mental autonomy is becoming increasingly unpopular. This is the critical importance behind discussions of censorship and free speech - they police the saying of certain things, but what they really want is to stop you from even thinking them. And language has the power to shape people's thoughts. If you've ever studied a foreign language, you've experienced this. And if you've never read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, it might be a good time to do so.

In conclusion, the doctrine of bodily autonomy is good, but it isn't enough. And it doesn't extend to other people's minds. I support full autonomy - of the body and mind. Nobody can do or make you do anything to or with your physical body without your consent. But nobody can dictate the limits of your thoughts and beliefs, either. This is a direct consequence of the fundamental strategy - that I already advocate - of separating people's thoughts from their actions. But it's worth stating explicitly. The notion of "consent" protects people's bodily autonomy, but it may not be used as an excuse to violate anyone's mental autonomy.

Benefit of the Doubt

Sex-Positivity

Let's start with the basic assumption that, with the exception of asexuals (whose unique needs deserve special consideration), most people desire sex (setting aside, for the moment, the reasons why, as well as any moral judgments of that fact), and that when performed properly (which is to say, in a way that is most beneficial to its participants), sex ought to be both physically pleasurable and psychologically satisfying, with a minimum of adverse side-effects. This is the ideal case; however, this should not be construed as implying that there is necessarily anything fundamentally wrong with a sexual act that does not fulfill these goals - provided it is still consensual and generally harmless. It may simply be a sub-optimal encounter. After all, everybody has off days, and you often have to experiment to find what you do and don't like.

This is the basic foundation for a sex-positive framework. Not all sex has to be good - and bad sex needn't constitute soul-crushing trauma. But sex should at least strive to realize its greatest potential. Although it can be twisted around and turned into a weapon to selfishly satisfy one's self at the expense of doing harm to others, this (alone) should be considered an unnatural perversion. At its core, the purpose of sex is to make people feel good. And this is a good thing. But believing this doesn't require one to turn a blind eye to the potential risks and dangers of sex - a uniquely intimate act in which we may engage (intentionally or otherwise) with people we do not fully know or trust. A sex-positive doesn't believe that all sex is sunshine and rainbows - just that all sex should be sunshine and rainbows.

Towards that end, a sex-positive necessarily supports and advocates for the adoption of safe and responsible sexual behaviors. You may note, with some irony, that the groups who campaign against making sex safer and more pleasurable for its participants all too frequently espouse toxic beliefs in the (alleged) shamefulness and sinfulness of sexual activity. This is no coincidence. If somebody doesn't want you to have sex, they're going to want to make it as dangerous and unpleasurable for you as they can. Sex-positives want you to have all the sex you want to have (whether that's a little, a lot, or none at all), and they want it to be as safe and pleasurable as it can be.

Safer Alternatives

While emphasizing the importance of responsible behaviors - being informed, attaining consent, and using safe practices - we can still acknowledge that the sexual impulse is a wonderful thing, and that there are myriad ways to indulge in it without shame or guilt, that can mitigate if not completely eliminate many of the risks and dangers. Consider voyeurism/exhibitionism and the sharing of pornography online - taken together (as they go so well together), they can be seen in the form of the mutual sharing of flirty and erotic pictures that young people frequently engage in, and that we thoughtlessly caution them against. Yet, like masturbation, these are harmless, contact-free behaviors that can alleviate sexual tension without risk of pregnancy or the transmission of disease.

We live in a black and white culture when it comes to sex. A culture of extremes. Abstinence or addiction. Prudishness or perversion. It's like there's no room to get your feet wet in a safe environment - you either stay on shore, or you dive into the deep end. This is dangerous for individuals, and dangerous for society. We should embrace the middle zone - the grey area of sensual eroticism in everyday life. Like wearing a short skirt. According to society, this is either an excuse to be sexually penetrated against your will (i.e., rape), or else a completely nonsexual desire to stay cool in warmer weather. Why can't it be cool and flirty yet still not consent (i.e., to be raped), and we just leave it at that?

If you look at approaches towards nonstandard sexual behaviors - that is, behaviors not consisting of the typical routine of two people rolling around naked in bed - instead of a flirty middle ground of eroticism, you see them construed by a conservative echo chamber as bastions of perversion. An act that results in teenage pregnancy, for example, while socially condemned (depending on who you ask and where you live), is the result of an otherwise normal impulse (which was merely insufficiently guarded against), but heaven forbid, using a condom would have been an unholy transgression against God! To say nothing of performing in a context where a screen (and countless miles, not to mention at least some semblance of anonymity) separate all participants. But no, only whores and perverts engage in those acts (unlike, you know, the girl who dropped out of high school to have her baby, and the deadbeat who skipped town after knocking her up - bastions of virtue, am I right?).

A Matter of Perspective

Instead of an easy, stress-free sexual release in the privacy of one's home, without need of a partner, porn use is viewed as an antisocial behavior that belies a poor sexual adjustment, contributes to the oppression and degradation of women (even if the porn involves two gay men), and devalues the concept of sex as a holy union by stealing it away from married couples (are we still living in the Old Testament here?). Voyeurism and exhibitionism, instead of being viewed as a kind of light foreplay, wherein people take erotic delight in the sight or gaze of others - often in public, and involving skimpy clothing (as regularly worn to the beach or gym), if not partial or full nudity - without the need for any kind of mutual contact (or even interaction, necessarily), is instead stereotyped as a disturbing perversion expressed by a minority of social outcasts who maybe don't have enough concern for common decency or the privacy of others.

Aside: I have a hypothesis that the reason voyeurism and exhibitionism are still very taboo in our society (despite other sexual advances our culture has recently made) is because they directly contradict feminist rhetoric (goddess forbid!) - that women are harmed merely by being the object of a man's sexual attention, despite the fact that many women enjoy such attention (in appropriate contexts - not always from strangers), and that in most cases (obviously not including the ones feminists choose for their heartstring-tugging anecdotes), that attention is really very harmless.

Anyway, my whole point is that there is not only one way to view these things. Viewing them as deviations (with a negative slant) as opposed to variations (more neutral-leaning) is not the only possible perspective, or even necessarily the best one. I'm offering an alternative perspective - the sex-positive perspective. It gives people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their sexual behaviors and desires, while at the same time acknowledging the potential risks and dangers of sexual activity, and advocating a safe and responsible approach. It does not use this as an excuse to demonize human sexuality at its core - on the contrary, it seeks to find alternative ways for human beings to seek out sexual satisfaction safely and without shame, that do not erode the fabric of society, even as it asks society to be more understanding and less judgmental of the wonderful diversity of our kind.

My Vision

I want to see masturbation, pornography, voyeurism, and exhibitionism viewed not as fringe sexual perversions, or the outlets of a sexual deviant, but as the relatively safe and healthy practices they are - as stepping stones or learning guides towards the more advanced goal of sexual intercourse. In a sense, sex on training wheels. Sex with bumpers. I want to live in a world where well-adjusted sex is considered to be more than just two people rolling around naked in bed. Even if you allow for this activity to be performed for recreation and not procreation, and expand your definition of what constitutes a couple (i.e., allowing for same-sex pairings), you may be a step above the fire-and-brimstone preacher, but you're still a long way away from what normal human sexuality looks like.

It involves a wide variety of flirting and preening behaviors, and can be part of a person's public persona, or their private lives even outside of interpersonal relationships. It involves things they do alone, in their own bedrooms or at their own computers (and sometimes elsewhere). It involves interacting with people through a digital interface, sometimes anonymously, in ways that would be alien to a pre-internet society. And sometimes this exploration begins from a young age. Yet these things are all normal, and healthy when not taken to extremes (as can be said about anything). I want our culture to acknowledge this, and stop shaming and, worse yet, legislating against people who engage in these behaviors - which, outspoken or not, is a majority of the population.