Don't Tread On Me

There is still a lot of stigma attached to voyeurism and exhibitionism, even in what could arguably be called a sexually liberal culture (relatively speaking, anyway). And it is mostly due to the stereotypical assumption that voyeurism and exhibitionism (both) inherently involve a violation of consent - which is not true. Voyeurism isn't all hidden cameras, and exhibitionism isn't all public indecency. In fact, I would argue that something as popular and mainstream as the dissemination and consumption of pornography online (or elsewhere) depends upon the voyeuristic and exhibitionistic impulses within the majority of us. (But, of course, our critics who only want to slander us, won't give us the benefit of that point).

But even where the fantasies and desires of fetishists may sometimes wander over the border of ethics and into the land of questionable acts, as with other things, this doesn't mean the individual in question doesn't understand where the line is to be drawn, or that he doesn't have the ability to control himself. It's just that, even to admit that you can derive some pleasure from the thought of observing, or being exposed outside of the bounds of a private, committed relationship, earns you a badge of reprobation in most circles. I've felt this particularly distinctly among nudists. You'd think a community built upon the belief that covering up is the true indecency would be paradise to a person who enjoys admiring or showing off the human body. But instead, this sort of person is made to feel like a second class citizen, if not an outright criminal.

Just consider this. We are organic beings gifted with the sense of sight. We are capable of appreciating the aesthetic qualities of the things we see. We are also creatures who reproduce sexually, and are programmed to respond both physically and psychologically to the sight of the human body - especially ones we deem attractive. In an effort to civilize man, and tamp down rampant fornication (I can only assume this was the prehistoric justification), society has created a taboo on displaying one's body fully (especially the genitals, although in a lot of contexts it is not limited to only this area) in all but a very few specialized situations - always in private.

Arguments can be made - on both sides - about whether or not this is for better or worse. The argument I want to make is simply that, in a society that has put a taboo on something we are capable of and even programmed to enjoy, it is rational - nay, inevitable - for some people to develop an interest in contravening that taboo. It's not insane. It's not even necessarily antisocial. And we shouldn't stigmatize people for acknowledging the inherent potential for pleasure (erotic or otherwise) in seeing or being seen, separated from any consideration of whether everyone involved has had a pre-care session first.

Yes, consent is important - I'm not neglecting that. But it's important as a rational inquiry before choosing one's actions. It's not something that factors into the equation of the thoughts and feelings that go on inside a person's head. Tying them together just dooms the fetishist to an unlikable outcome (for all involved) - which is what the detractors want. They don't want a safe and sane outlet for these desires. They don't even want anyone to be able to conceive of such a thing. Because then they would have to live with it as an acceptable part of society, and learn to treat these people as human beings.

No Community

Notwithstanding my experiences in organized nudism - and whatever inroads I was making on that front were stymied by the COVID lockdowns, and then my subsequent dedication to free-range nudism in the great outdoors. Anyway, nudists are pretty allergic to photography, not to mention any emphasis on the inconvenient fact that some bodies are more beautiful than others. Notwithstanding all that, I say, my nearly 18 years of experience shooting nude photography has, disappointingly, not yielded induction into any kind of community of likeminded artists, as I might have hoped.

Don't get me wrong, sharing photos online is fun. I wouldn't still be doing it after all these years if it weren't. But almost without exception, it has the feel of performing for an audience, rather than contributing to a think tank. I'm just producing disposable content for consumers. I'm not networking with other producers of similar content. I'm not sharing tricks of the trade with other tradesmen. The few artists I've followed over the years have either been professionals entirely out of my league (with, therefore, no chance of opening any kind of mutual dialogue), or amateurs I've seen something of myself in, only to sooner or later be rebuffed because I'm too sex-positive.

To be fair, I'm a bit of a loner and a shut-in. I wonder sometimes if that's the reason why I feel so isolated in this society. I tend to push people away. But I'm also an outlier, and I struggle to find other people like me who I feel I can relate to. I think that if I did, I'd be willing to go out on a limb, to step outside of my comfort zone, for that potential gain. In fact, I've proven that that's the case on at least one prominent occasion. Sadly, it ended in failure.

I just don't find people like that very easily. After considering joining a local photography club, I successfully managed to talk myself out of it. Why? Because, come on. They're not gonna be anything like me. They're gonna jump to conclusions, and associate me with a stereotype I don't even relate to. It's why I don't join photography clubs online. There's pornography, which doesn't have the same goals and aesthetics as I do. And then there's fine art, which sees me - in their myopic worldview - as a deviant and a rogue. Plus, there's the trend these days in websites forcing nude artists to PAY for the privileges other artists get to take advantage of for free.

There is no conclusion to this post, because the issue remains unresolved. They say we have freedom. They tell us to pursue the things that make us happy. But I just feel like an outcast and an outlaw. And it feels ridiculous to campaign for an unimportant thing like personal joy or fulfillment, when people's lives are being thrown away in pointless wars, denied their fundamental rights over arbitrary designations they didn't choose at birth, and driven into debt and poverty through no fault of their own, because they can't afford to pay their own health bills - all while the billionaires keep getting richer! If we can't even get these basic things right, then what hope do I have, to ever be able to live in a world where I can celebrate the beauty of the human body openly, without being treated like a scoundrel or a criminal?

Varieties of Nudist Lifestyles

[description: infographic describing eight different varieties of nudist lifestyles]

I came across this image on social media, and it resonated with me. I guess I like how it focuses on the fact that there are many different ways to practice nudism, instead of divisively arguing whether, e.g., home nudists are "real" nudists, or asking whether you're a nudist OR a naturist (as if they're not the same thing). It's a checklist - not a single choice. That said, some of the categories conflict with others, so it's not like you can just collect the whole set. Let's run down the list real quick, and I'll add some of my own comments.

1. Social Nudists - These are the type of nudists who like to go to resorts and hang out with other nudists. Obviously, I count myself as a social nudist. In spite of my generally solitary lifestyle, I do appreciate the opportunities and the sense of community that comes from being part of a group of like minds. Especially within such a fringe minority.

2. Home Nudists - These are often contrasted with social nudists, in the sense that they prefer privacy and are comfortable in their own skin, but not so much in front of other people. While there is some merit to that distinction, it feels weird for me to say that I'm not a home nudist, seeing as I spend so much time at home nude. I just think there's room to be both, instead of it being strictly either/or.

3. Recreational Nudists - I think this category distinguishes itself from other kinds of nudism (especially social) in that it's activity-centered. For some people, being naked itself is the draw. Others might be willing to strip down as long as there's a purpose to it. While I do find nudity to be its own reward, I also love having something to do while I'm naked. Whether it's household chores, sports, outdoor activities - alone or in a group. Nudity is the best uniform.

4. Naturists - A lot is made of the "difference" between nudism and naturism, but it's largely semantic. In some cases, naturism is just a regional variation of the term "nudism". Which is why it's offensive to suggest that naturists are nudists with principles. Many self-labeled "nudists" share those same principles. That said, I could conceive of a type of nudist who just enjoys being naked, without making it a whole philosophy. But that ain't me. I especially like the connection with nature that's implied by the term naturism. While I like nudism within the bounds of civilization and society, being naked in nature takes it to another level.

5. Occasional Nudists - I feel like this option should have been listed earlier, after social and home nudists, because it's kinda disrupting the flow here. Regardless, these are situational nudists, who are not at all dedicated to the lifestyle, but happy to engage in it - when the right opportunity arises. They might not share that dedication to the lifestyle that you or I have, but they really are a special kind of person. Contrasted with the stereotypical textile who suffers from a culturally-instilled gymnophobia, they are open and accepting and even game to dabble in a different worldview! How wonderful is that?

6. Spiritual Nudists - There's definitely some overlap here with the naturist category. I guess you could distinguish them via a secular versus a religious approach. I'm not normally a religious person, but whatever spirituality I experience is definitely related to nudity. Part of that is the rapture one experiences in response to a fine specimen of naked beauty. But it's also about the fundamental truth of our being, and our connection to the universe, which I feel most profoundly when I'm naked in nature.

7. Political Nudists - Not all nudists like to get political. Some fear drawing negative attention to themselves or their lifestyle. Some even accept their underclass status, and prefer to hide away in self-loathing, lashing out against their braver peers who dare to stand up for their own community's civil liberties. I apologize if there's some venom in my voice. I understand that not everyone is in a position to stick their necks out and rock the boat, but I resent the frequency with which these accommodationists accuse those of us who are willing to fight for the right to freedom of dress of being antisocial perverts who just want to expose ourselves to strangers in public. How can they even call themselves nudists if they view the human body from the textiles' perspective - as something ugly and offensive that must be shielded from public view (or worse, something that requires consent, like a sex act)? Especially in this day and age, if you're not political, then you're not doing your civic duty.

8. Family Nudists - I can't say that I'm a family nudist, only because I don't have a family of my own. But if I did, I would be. It's not an easy path to walk in this society, but I couldn't do it any other way. So I have lots of respect for those who are able to navigate the obstacles. Some nudists are understandably cagey about mixing nudism with children, but if you ask me, nudism without children isn't even really nudism. It's just an "adult" activity - like the kind nudists try to distance themselves from. Children, therefore, are the proof of concept. They're what keeps nudism pure and honest.

A View From The Sidelines

As you may know, I enjoy playing volleyball. It's a hobby I picked up from my experiences visiting nudist resorts over the last fifteen years. There's an annual tournament I used to like to attend, and this year I returned for the first time since the COVID lockdowns. The best part of the tournament is being able to play volleyball nude with other like-minded (open-minded) people, whether you win or lose. But I won't deny that another part of the fun is getting to sit on the sidelines and watch top level athletes - both men and women - perform at a professional level on the volleyball courts, in the nude.

A particular moment sticks out in my mind, that stirred up a lot of thoughts in my head. It's important to me that I describe this situation with tact, because I don't want to give the wrong impression. Between matches, one of the players stood in my line of sight, not ten feet from where I was standing, to rest and get a quick bite to eat. Although these things are subjective, to my eyes she looked incredible. And hers was a perfect, natural beauty - not the manufactured kind that utilizes plastic surgery and excessive makeup in a gross over-exaggeration of femininity, to stimulate men of poor taste who have only one thing on their minds.

As an artist, I was utterly mesmerized by the scene that had spontaneously formed in front of me. A beautiful young woman, completely nude, amidst a crowd of mostly dressed people (it was a bit chilly that day), in a totally relaxed atmosphere, without spectacle. Keeping in mind the typical demographic of someone who is comfortable being naked in a crowd of strangers, as a female under 40 (under 25, even!), she was doubly exotic. Triply, if you include the fact that she was in prime, athletic shape. I had to inwardly marvel at her calm acceptance of those circumstances. What a wondrous thing! I would hate for it to be ruined - for her to receive anything even remotely resembling negative or unwanted attention.

That said, I couldn't get over how picturesque the scene was. If this had happened on a public street, and I were a street photographer, and I'd snapped that shot, it would have been an award-winning photograph. (At the very least, great promotional material for the tournament). The juxtaposition of bodies, the novelty of the situation, the casualness with which it occurred, and the beauty on display... It goes without saying that this would never happen. Not on a public street - and on the grounds of a nudist camp, photography is strictly prohibited. I can't help that that fact stirs up a conflict within me.

Why should capturing an image of such a thing - such a beautiful, positive, and innocent thing - be forbidden? It kills me that people are the way they are - not the people who make these rules, but the people who behave in such a terrible fashion that these rules become necessary. What does that say about our own humanity, that we can't have nice things because we're so fundamentally rotten to our core? "In the face of beauty, evil was lost"? Rather, "by the hand of evil, beauty is lost". Is it so horrible that a scene like this would be preserved, to be shared with people who did not experience it firsthand, and to exist beyond the fading memory within my brain?

Sure, not everyone would appreciate the image for the "right" reasons. (For my part, my appreciation of the scene was predominantly aesthetic, and not erotic - I would admit it if that weren't the case). As I said, I would hate for the situation to have been ruined by poor behavior in the moment. That's something I like about nudism - that we can all hang out completely naked and still behave like civilized creatures. It's the reason nudist camps have tall fences and strict guidelines, despite how free-minded and laidback we generally are. I wouldn't change that. I just wish it could coexist compatibly with the mindset that beauty is a virtue, while acknowledging the potential for photography to be an innocent expression of that, and not solely the vile and existential threat it is perceived to be, in the unfortunate hands of the depraved*.

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*It won't win me any brownie points to say this, but I would argue that most people who just want to snap a picture of a hottie are pretty harmless. So they might add it to their "spank bank"? So what? There's no harm in that, other than a sociogenically manufactured psychic distress, which is born of a fundamentally sex-negative upbringing. Is it because it might be spread around the internet? I sympathize with the fear of being branded with the stigma we reserve for people our culture sees as having "loose morals" (which would pertain to those who willingly get naked in front of strangers, no matter how innocent the context). But that stigma is unjust. Such a fear only reinforces it. And it's not right, once again, to deny ourselves of what little pleasures this struggle that is life affords us, on account of the flawed nature of the human race. If I could nuke mankind and replace it with a more evolved species, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, I have to exist with the knowledge of what could be - the paradise we could be living in - frustrated by a daily reminder of the trash heap we've relegated ourselves to...

Dignity

Being confident in your skin, being an artist who focuses on the subject of the human body, even being a sex worker - people say these things lack dignity. That's a lie. You can do these things, you can be these things, and still maintain your dignity. What people are talking about when they say that is not a function of who or what you are, but the way they treat you. It's not that you lack dignity. It's that other people are choosing not to treat you with dignity. And that's their personality flaw. Not yours. When they say you lack self-respect, what they're really saying is that they lack respect for others. Don't let them confuse you. You deserve to be treated with dignity, and given the respect I know you reserve for yourself.

Easy Target

I recently started getting emails again from fotocommunity (I'm not going to link them, for reasons that will soon become clear), a photo-sharing website I prospectively joined years ago but never actually used. I like the idea of sharing a gallery of some of my best photos (maybe my coolest clone shots and loveliest landscape nudes) and, you know, perhaps getting some professional recognition. But I visited again just long enough to confirm that in order to share in and even access the nude gallery, you have to pay for a premium membership (I suspect this is why I never used it to begin with - it's just been so long I've forgotten). Which is the reason I finally deleted my account on Flickr, after the most recent changes (a few years back).

Look, I can understand that, as a website dedicated to art, you want to provide some kind of barrier to make sure the people who contribute to the nude community are serious, and the whole thing doesn't just devolve into a den of smut. I get that. I don't even disagree with it! And also, consumption of nudes is big business, so it's a great way to take people's money. But you need to learn how to distinguish collaborators from consumers*. I wouldn't be there just to browse nudes and satisfy my baser urges. I'm a sophisticated nude artist. With not only years, but decades of experience! (Well, 18 years at last count - my photography is old enough to star in porn!).

I would be contributing good quality content - not just photos, but insight and reflection on other people's works. But you're gonna discriminate against me as an artist, because my chosen specialty is nude photography, and treat me like a lousy pervert, making me PAY you to provide valuable content to YOUR website to draw even more subscriptions (from which I'll never see a stinking dime). I'm not a fool. I'm already engaged in effectively unpaid labor. I'm not gonna give away the fruits of those labors for someone to make a profit off of them, while NOT ONLY leaving me out of the loop, but requiring that I cough up money I don't have so THEY can exploit ME. If somebody did that to me without me voluntarily giving them my consent, it would be a clear violation of my rights! So then why would I agree to that?

It makes me so mad. And there isn't a thing I can do about it, but suffer even more by being excluded from the global community of artists who do something similar to what I do. Am I being unreasonable here? Sometimes I wish someone would come along and finally disabuse me of my principled delusions, and show me a better way to live. But I'm just too damn smart. For me to believe someone who contradicts me, they would have to actually outwit me, to convince me they're right. And there are very few people in the world who could do that - and those that could have absolutely no interest in me (and I don't blame them).

*Although such an arrangement could backfire on me, because they would almost certainly overlook the artistic merit in my pictures, and just see someone who doesn't even use a professional camera, and is willing to take pornographic photos (which, I don't know, displays a fundamental "deviance" in my psychology that would be viewed as "legally unsafe", in terms of trusting me not to breach their walls of etiquette; like as if making erotica means you're a degenerate who lacks any ability to read a room and follow the rules of the hosting platform), and see me as a liability or someone to drag down the fine quality of their gallery.

And this is the world you expect me to have hope for? To struggle within, in order to better myself and others? I know life's not fair, and nobody out there is advocating for me but myself. Nor is there a God up in the sky to guide things, and mete out cosmic justice. But all I ask is for somebody to throw a bone my way. To see my potential and give me an opportunity. I'm willing to work for it. I'm just not going to sacrifice my principles and prostitute myself out for it. That should make me MORE qualified for this kind of a position, not less... But capitalism needs spineless wage slaves, not free-thinking innovators.

Machine Bias

I want to express myself creatively - like anybody else could. It just so happens that a subject I'm interested in is the human body. I have a concept that's not even sexual in nature (although I would argue that it shouldn't matter even if it was; but to make my argument even stronger, it's not). But because it involves people in minimal clothing - albeit clothing that is perfectly street legal, and that you can see in real life anywhere people go swimming - my access to the tools everyone else can use is limited. Why? Because of the paranoid fear that somebody somewhere might use their imagination to achieve sexual gratification. (I'm not making this up, it's what ChatGPT told me - I'd share the chatlogs, but I deleted my account in abject frustration). No matter how likely or unlikely that possibility is, or whether it has anything to do with my own artistic intent. As if that would be such a horrible thing, anyway.

And so here I am, artistically frustrated, because I can't express my own voice in society, in creative protest against the way things are, which is the only way I could ever possibly change public sentiment, or at least raise awareness. And this is in spite of the fact that public protest is not only supposed to be a guaranteed civil right, but one of the fundamental values our country was allegedly founded upon. Yes, of course, I can still speak my mind, probably without censure. But my vocabulary is limited, and my access to the same tools of expression others can use is restricted. How is that not discrimination, that unfairly disadvantages me because my beliefs run counter to the accepted mainstream point of view? If you ask me, that sounds unconstitutional. But now more than ever, there is no such thing as justice or even liberty in this country. My efforts are futile. My voice is silenced. And I can do nothing but lick the hand that has put me in chains.

The Skinny on Dipping

This past Saturday was "Skinny Dip Day", which - as I understand it - occurs on the second Saturday in July. I was not able to participate (personally, I'd choose a weekday for an activity like this), but I've more than made up for it on any number of other occasions already this year. However, while camping this weekend, I did end up hiking through an unexpected rain shower, and later paid an impromptu visit to a "swimming hole". And it's given me some food for thought. Now, I'm torn between the desire to broadcast my observations to everyone I know, and the fear of how it would reflect on me, complaining about how "unfair" it is that I can't walk around naked in front of other people, instead of appreciating the good times I undoubtedly had.

Since you're reading this here, you know which side won out in the end. That's just not the person I want to be seen as. On the one hand, I'm dissatisfied with the way our culture approaches the human body. I want to change the world. And I know I can't do that unless I speak out, and raise a fuss. But I am not the pivot upon which the world rotates. What little sway I have among my inner circle I wield zealously, but progress is a slow drip. And I have much to lose from a potential misunderstanding, if I press too firmly on a subject that is notorious for being misinterpreted. It's a tight rope to walk, being a counterculture revolutionary, while still maintaining other people's trust and respect. But for the record, here is what's going through my mind.

It's a matter of perspective. As a visitor to this planet, I think I can understand the rationale behind the general prohibiton of public nudity. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I can understand where it comes from. Man is a filthy animal. But few aspects of human behavior confound me on so personal a level as the way in which people will permit their hang-ups about their own bodies to prevent them (nay, not just themselves, but others too) from avoiding the discomfort of wearing wet clothing - clothing that doesn't keep you dry in the first place, and retains moisture (sapping your body heat) long after your bare skin would have dried in the open air, even without the aid of a towel. It's irrational!

In addition to the self-inflicted torture of forced discomfort (not to mention the psychological toll of going through life hating your own body), some of the simplest pleasures in life are denied us when we cling so tightly to our man-made coverings, out of the fear of being reminded of what our anatomy looks like, and the function it serves. Not least of these is a joyful feeling of freedom the likes of which few ever experience in our culture. It sounds like a trite cliche, but take it from one with experience - it really is true.

As an artist, I also like to cite the beauty inherent in our design. What's the point of an attractive body if nobody gets to admire it? That's like draping a tarp over an exquisitely crafted statue! I stand by that argument, even though I'll begrudgingly admit that few of us approach the Platonic ideal of the sculpted human form. However, I'd rather suffer the chaff for the sake of the wheat, than gouge out my eyes to spite the unremarkable ordinary. Wouldn't you? (Don't answer that).

Regardless, swimming is one activity that seems to make a mockery of our usual commitment to so-called "decency" and "modesty". Yet, it seems silly to go only so far, and then still stop short of the finish line, leaving you to your silly towel dance while you try to peel off a wet pair of shorts that clings defiantly to your legs (after which you immediately re-robe while your skin is still damp). Truly, an enlightened race of men would discard such ridiculous customs, acknowledge the dignity in our natural form, and simply swim nude under the open sky, like literally every other living creature on this planet.

If believing that makes me the crazy one, then I don't want to be sane. I just don't want to be labeled a menace to society, for thinking there's a better way than hiding a truth we all pretend not to know - namely, what we look like under our clothes.

Stopped Clock

Speaking as somebody who has spent years working adjacent to the sex industry, mainstream cultural attitudes (and the laws they inform) towards sex and the human body are, quite simply put, fucked up.

I remember years ago trying to determine my own political affiliation, and searching for the "sex positive" party. Turns out, there isn't one. Conservatives are lying hypocrites - in some cases, they'll acknowledge the inconvenient truths about human sexuality, but they'll spoil it by adopting poisonous religious attitudes about virtue and purity. In essence, recognizing their nature as sinful, and punishing themselves (but more likely others) for it.

But even secular liberals often come up short, brainwashed by extremist gender politics into believing that sex is a foreign contaminant that must be artificially introduced to a system (news flash: we are sexual organisms to our very core), and handled like a loaded gun, lest it pop the bubble of a person's innocence (read: ignorance) without their express written consent. Consent that is granted by the government as a privilege, instead of wielded by citizens as a right.

To be fair, even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. Sex workers deserve rights (not that this is a mainstream view). And sexual violence is abhorrent (not aberrant, unfortunately - which means unusual - but certainly abhorrent - which means detestable). But it gives me no satisfaction to lend support and legitimacy at these times to an easily hijacked system of machinery that routinely disseminates misinformation and proudly reinforces deep-seated shame.

Just to give you two very prominent examples... Take the "trafficking" debate. Ever heard the phrase, "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions?" Now imagine how much the Devil has to gain by financing this expressway with an aggressive marketing campaign dedicated to eradicating evil. When you call taking people's freedom away (to make their own choices about their own bodies) "ending slavery", of course you're going to get a groundswell of support.

And then there's "sex crime". What better strategy could there be to undermine people's relationships to their own fundamentally sexual nature than to highlight the fact that people DO sometimes (unfortunately) commit crimes of a sexual nature against innocent victims? Sex is a tool; its value is determined by the hand that wields it. It can be used as a weapon to hurt and steal. Or it can be treated more like a toy, to give and share pleasure.

I'd like to see more of the latter. But in the meantime, I'm not going to let the presence of the former cast a pall over my life and spoil the joy our bodies are designed to experience.

Legacy of a Starving Artist

Of course I'd love to profit materially from the art I create. And from a cosmic perspective, I do believe I'm underpaid for the effort I put in, and the quality of work I put out. But neither universal law nor human society has ever been fair.

I obviously don't do it for the money. So, in the grand scheme of things, even were I to be ripped off and die penniless (which I'm pretty sure is gonna happen anyway), I would still be satisfied that I made the art that I made, and that I released it into the world. Even if I don't profit from it.

Its creation and dissemination still represent a net positive from my point of view. Not just because it has given me joy throughout my life - both in the journey (making pictures), and the destination (having pictures to share) - which it has.

But also because the beauty of the unclothed human body is something I believe strongly in. It's something that I want there to be more exposure to in the world. And it's something that powerful forces exert considerable influence to suppress.

It's like we've lost one of the simplest and most satisfying pleasures in life, ever since we left the garden and lost sight of the fundamental divinity inherent to our physical form. And what I'm doing is reminding people of that, even if most of them have fallen from grace and can't recognize it for what it truly is.

I may never be famous or renowned in the art world, even long after I'm dead. But the thought that somewhere, somehow, people might still be passing my images around for generations to come - as an expression of that beauty, and also of the simple pleasure in eroticism (free from the doctrine of shame)...

Well, that would make me happy. And it wouldn't be the worst legacy I could leave to the world, when my time here is done.

The Ballad of Broken Eggshells

Being a nudist in a textile-obsessed culture (or "clothes-minded" society, if you will :-p) is not the easiest thing in the world. I'm committed to it in spite of its challenges, because the mental and physical benefits it brings to my life are priceless and irreplaceable.

But one of the sacrifices you have to make is that other people will start to doubt - and eventually no longer trust - your fashion sense.* Not just because typically eschewing clothes leaves you in the dark about current trends. (You can, as I do, be a nudist and still have an interest in fashion). I mean when it comes down to the question of public decency.

But the fact that I would walk down main street completely naked if it were socially acceptable, doesn't mean that I don't understand or value the importance of context when it comes to dress codes. I'm a little bit more willing to push the boundaries - yeah. I would argue that doing so is not only healthy, but necessary in a free society.

But I'm not ignorant of social propriety, and I'm not clinically insane, either. What I am is willing to take responsibility for my own fashion choices, if and when I should ever make a mistake and breach the rules of social etiquette. My decisions with regard to how I adorn my body are a major part of my lifestyle - I'm prepared for the potential consequences they may provoke.

And though I do value your opinion - I know I'm not a perfect, infallible creature, and sometimes I need the guidance of an external perspective - I don't need you to protect me from any possibility of fallout, when doing so amounts to squandering my creative spirit. If you know me, you should know that I'm not normally prone to reckless decision making. But if I end up breaking a few eggs over the course of my lifetime in pursuit of the perfect omelette (and my track record so far speaks for itself), that's a price I'm conscious of, and willing to pay.

*Being gender non-conforming compounds this problem, as there are so many cases where a man could be heavily censured for literally wearing the exact same thing a woman would wear without fanfare (like a skirt and heels in the office, or a series of tiny triangles connected by strings at the pool in front of the kids). There's so much baked into this, from the different ways in which we view men's and women's bodies, to how much women's clothing is deliberately fashioned to exude sexuality - and the extent to which we accept this openly without flinching, even as we cower in fear before any reminder that a man's body can be sexual, too. (Which is in stark contrast to, but does not contradict, the fact that our society traditionally commends men for expressing their sexual agency even as it condemns women for doing the same thing).

We need to address this imbalance, because although we can invent reasons to treat men's and women's bodies differently, at the end of the day, it's simply not fair to have different standards for people based on whether they have a penis or a vagina - something nobody chooses at birth. And in the meantime, it puts the transgender community in a uniquely dangerous position, as they (in many cases reluctantly) navigate the front lines in a war against outdated and regressive stereotypes, in search of peace, understanding, and self-love.

Addiction

Nude photography is an addiction. To be fair, there are much worse things to be addicted to in this life. That's for certain. But it doesn't change the fact that nude photography is an addiction.

Maybe you've never tried it - and it might not be for everyone - but I think that running around naked is a lot of fun. You shouldn't need any more justification than that to do it. But being a nude artist is a pretty good excuse. Among other things, it gives you plausible deniability in the case that somebody accuses you of "inappropriate conduct", since we live in a culture that can't seem to separate the beauty and pleasure of nudity from the taboo of sexuality.

Now, in the course of shooting nude photography, every so often you'll snap a picture, review it on your camera, and be blown away by how magnificent it looks. But that doesn't mean you're done. The feeling of accomplishment won't have you packing up and going home. No, the excitement of uncovering something so beautiful will have you wanting to capture another one. So you'll keep at it, and get absorbed in the thrill of the chase. Will the next picture be another sparkling diamond? And who can have too many diamonds?

In the meantime, you'll have more reason to spend even more time running around naked. Chances are, you won't stop until you're exhausted, or it's getting dark and you have to get home, so you can wash up and have dinner. But the next time you have an opportunity - on the next warm day, perhaps - you'll be itching to get out there and do it again. Even if you haven't done anything yet with the pictures you shot last time. And that's how you sink deeper and deeper into the hole...

Is there an escape to this spiraling obsession? I wouldn't know. But please tell me if you find one. ;-p

Platonic Eroticism

Last July, I wrote about what I've termed Platonic erotica - which basically involves approaching the erotic arts as art instead of pornography (a novel concept, I know). Society draws a hard line between all aspects of life that are non-sexual - and therefore appropriate matters for public discourse and display - and those that are sexual - which it cordons off and restricts access to with extreme prejudice. I've always been interested in the grey area between the two. We bend over backwards to deny the extent to which life is infused with sexuality, or else we end up condemning perfectly ordinary behaviors (like girls showing off their dance moves to internet strangers) because somebody somewhere might interpret them in a sexual way.

I was thinking about this while reading YouTube's rules on prohibited content - which make prodigious use of the phrase "meant to be sexually gratifying". Like, who cares if somebody gets their jollies from it so long as it's not actually depicting sex? Also, the extent to which they have to contort themselves into a backbend in order to make pointless exceptions for scientific use probably has them sitting on their own heads. I say pointless because intent doesn't matter - scientific manuals are no less explicit than pornography, and watching porn (no matter how unrealistic) will teach you more about sex than you'll ever learn in a science lab.

But a good piece of erotic art can accomplish the same thing, while doing it in a much more tasteful manner. The fact that we allow certain expressions and not others, over a completely arbitrary and meaningless distinction, destroys any argument that could be made about the unsuitability of the material in question to any given audience. All it does is pay nothing more substantial than lip service to an outdated (and unconstitutional) code of subjective moralism - one that glorifies deception, via the hollow facade of dispassionate academia.

Anyway, while I was reading those rules, I brainstormed a brief snippet explaining what I would call Platonic eroticism - which is allowing society to exhibit and admit to the presence of eroticism (implicit sexuality) in everyday public life. Because we don't need to prohibit a thing just because somebody somewhere might find it sexy.

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"Platonic eroticism" is fun, flirty behavior not intended to be the precursor to sexual intimacy (i.e., foreplay), that is designed around the general appreciation of sexual themes and cues in a social atmosphere, and not so much a mutual attraction between specific people. Its purpose is to emphasize the light-hearted playfulness of human sexuality, without the emotional weight of physical intimacy, and to take this activity out of the bedroom, to be shared among larger audiences. It does not involve explicit sexual acts, and its goal is not the satisfaction of personal desires. But it does acknowledge - with celebration, not guilt or shame - that sexuality permeates much more of our lives than the private moments we share with our committed lovers behind closed doors.

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At the end of the day, I don't necessarily want the world to be flooded with sexual media any more than most people would. It might bother me less than it would bother a lot of people, but that's still not my vision of utopia. Not least of which because we all have different tastes, and navigating to a random porn site doesn't necessarily mean you'll find something that appeals to you in the slightest.

I mean, I kind of do that on DeviantArt when I click on people's favorites pages; you never know what you're gonna find. If they're faving my pics (which is how I find them), the gallery is likely to include some kind of naughty material. Every once in a while, I'll find someone who has what I would describe as good taste, and that makes it all worthwhile. Most of the time it's just mundane smut of a more or less explicit variety (you'd be surprised what flies under the radar over there). Occasionally it'll be one of those collections guided by the compass of a rare fetish, that will make me grimace (no judgment - you do you). But even that doesn't scare me away from coming back and checking under the rock pretty much daily.

As I was saying, I don't want the world to be flooded with sexual media, I just want to be permitted to enjoy the sexy aspect of living - whether or not it's something that only exists in my head - without guilt and shame and censure. But the way we treat porn, especially on social media, means that even the slightest association with sexuality carries the world-shattering taint of eroticism. Instead of, you know, letting it be the cherry on top of life. I don't remember consenting to being bombarded with other people's sex-negative attitudes on a regular basis. Why do they always have to be out there spoiling everybody's fun?

Tainted With Eroticism

Or enhanced by it?

The fact of the matter is, if I were to say, "I get turned on sometimes, envisioning myself as a woman," there are people who would turn that around and use it as a weapon against me. To shame me. To discredit me. To accuse me of horrendous things. So I won't say it. But I will say that womanhood - especially in our heavily sexualized culture - can be a very sensual experience. Some people might say that's a bad thing. I say, when has adding pleasure to the recipe ever been a mistake? Your so-called "morals" are as thin as paper, and just as easily discarded.

God gave us a gift. (I don't believe in God, but I'm using that as a rhetorical device - it's just a metaphor for nature, or chance; whatever made us the way we are). Which is the ability to feel pleasure through the manipulation of our sexual organs. Its purpose is to increase our happiness, as we wander this Earth doing what we were programmed to do - which is survive, and procreate. Unfortunately, in our imperfect fallibility, we have learned to use this tool as a weapon to inflict pain on others in selfish pursuit.

I don't think that means we should give up on it. That some would use it selfishly, to steal happiness for themselves at the cost of hurting others, doesn't mean the rest of us should discontinue using it correctly, to spread happiness throughout the world. The people who abuse it have nothing to do with me. They are not me. And I do not support their actions. So please do not lump me in with them because I still believe in the virtue of pleasure and eroticism, while all you are able to see in your fearful, myopic rage is the danger and risk of harm.

It all goes back to the doctrine of sexuality as corruption - which I don't believe in. Like Midas' touch, eroticism taints everything it comes into contact with, giving it sinister flair and charging it with malignant intention. If you find sensuality in the experience of being naked, you can't be a nudist - you're just an exhibitionist. If roughing it in the wilderness without clothes turns you on, then every hike will be interpreted as a sex act. If you have any inwardly directed feelings of arousal tied to your gender identity or expression, then you're not transgender - you're just a cross-dressing pervert! You can't share these experiences with family or friends, or enjoy them in public - ever! - because they're being defined as categorically sexual in nature, and that would be highly inappropriate.

Never mind the fact that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, even though there are other occasions on which it might indeed be a penis. Nor am I allowed to suggest the theoretical possibility that we could all be smoking penises in public without incident and it would be just fine - because the world would not end, and we'd all learn that it's not that big a deal. (Oops, I just suggested it). Because if I did, it would tarnish the purity of my reputation, and seriously undermine that point I just made about cigars. They'd put my head in a guillotine and make sure I never have the freedom to spread my perverse delusions throughout society ever again.

I'm not saying there aren't bad people out there who would take advantage of a little leeway to wreak havoc in people's lives. Unfortunately - it's the reason we can't have nice things. But can't we at least have the imagination to suppose scenarios, that may or may not reflect reality all that closely, and then nourish ourselves on the pleasure those fantasies might bring, without instantly being labeled monsters? Imagine a world, for example, where minor sexual infractions - I'm talking non-contact offenses - were dealt with between people, instead of in court. And when people couldn't work it out themselves, it'd be brought to civil court, and not made into a criminal case.

Imagine a world where people co-habitating - or visiting others - could have a balanced discussion (with compromises on both sides) on what's appropriate re: dress codes, and sexual behavior. Where unexpectedly bumping into somebody naked would (maybe) be cause for surprise, but not necessarily castigation, let alone criminal sanction. Where somebody masturbating on a couch (assuming they're not bothering anyone, and have the courtesy to clean up after themselves) might just as soon be left alone as brought into a calm conversation about personal boundaries.

I know you're thinking that in most cases, this is how the world already works - but you're neglecting two important factors. One being that people tend to exercise self-repression, even in cases where they might be permitted some freedom if they had the courage to push those boundaries - but mostly they don't, because they are decent, empathetic people, and they've been taught by example (whether directly or indirectly) that you will be labeled a menace to society if you don't bend over backwards to stay out of other people's way.

The other factor is one I barely have the courage to mention, because it's poisoned with so much rhetoric. It's all well and good when two adults have a dispute over appropriate boundaries, but once you mix children into the living situation, it escalates very quickly. Nobody in their right mind would be fool enough to make the argument that we shield kids from the truth about human sexuality far more than is actually to their benefit (although if they did, they might remind you that repression - as opposed to open communication - is the veil behind which misbehavior often hides). But all rules that seem reasonable when applied to adults go out the window on the merest possibility that a child might step into the room. And how many places in this world can we go where that is not at least a possibility? Thus, we have rules that look good on paper, when reality reflects a far more repressed situation than anyone wants to admit.

I'll leave you with one last thought - about the importance of representation. It has been said - especially in the course of defending the freedom of speech - that speech is the beginning of all thought. Logically, it would seem that words communicate thoughts, and therefore thought must be the genesis of all speech. But while a creative mind may be capable of generating thoughts that have not (yet) been translated into words, in a broad and very real sense, average people have a hard time conceptualizing things they have no words to describe - nor any prior model or experience to draw from. This is the purpose of awareness. To utilize speech as a tool to direct thought into patterns that advocates consider under-represented.

Whatever the truth may be. Whatever doubt people may hold in their hearts. On a mass scale, a culture cannot conceive of a thing, at the very least, until an example of it is presented to them. Be it fictitious, in a book or a movie or a TV drama. Something people can point to and say, "that". "Oh, you mean that?" Something that other things can be compared to, and contrasted with. Whether it's a model to live up to, or to avoid at all costs. (Though preferably the former). I'm just a reclusive hermit too frightened to be in the public eye, but I wouldn't hate contributing to expanding people's imaginations in that direction - towards the conception of a sex-positivity that is virtuous without being exclusive - whether it's through my own lived experiences, or the art that I create. I want to be an example - I don't want to be made an example of.

Filthy Beauty

I know I've mentioned this before (somewhere), but I read an eye-opening book about two years ago (Perv: The Sexual Deviant In All Of Us by Jesse Bering), that spends some time exploring the suppression of the disgust reaction during sexual arousal - a point that's really stuck with me. It's the reason that, to pick out a simple example, some people actually like to put other people's genitals in their mouth (I'm intentionally phrasing it to focus on how weird it sounds if you're not thinking about it in a sexual way). I mean, it's one of those things that's, like, obvious, but putting it into a (more or less) scientific context really helps you to understand human nature (and our behaviors) much better. Anyway, I just had another epiphany related to this subject.

The fact that your disgust reaction is suppressed when you're sexually aroused - so that you'll tolerate, even desire, behaviors that involve intimacy with what can only be described as "gross anatomy", all so you'll be incentivized to increase your chances at procreation - suggests to me that the things you're programmed to find desirable are inherently disgusting (to a certain degree). After all, sticking a body part into another person's orifice and then excreting bodily fluid into it - well, it doesn't sound very romantic, does it? But attraction is the key to the gateway that penetrates the wall of repulsion and body horror.

Why should these things be inherently disgusting, if you're not holding the key? Possibly because it prevents us from fucking everyone all the time - but since evolution would probably not object to this pattern of behavior, I suspect it has more to do with the fact that intimacy necessarily leaves us vulnerable. Not just emotionally. Or to external threats. But physiologically, as well. How better to transmit disease than to essentially remove the physical barrier between two (or more) persons' internal anatomy? Just like how we find bodily waste, or the stench of death, repugnant - largely because avoiding these things protects us from dangerous microorganisms. But in the case of sex, the potential reward is worth the risk (the only thing more important than survival is avoiding extinction). But better to limit exposure to just those moments when it's necessary - i.e., when you spot a hot babe, with whom you might have a chance of making healthy babies.

Anyway, the epiphany I had after ruminating on this fact is that this is probably why anything to do with sex and eroticism is such a taboo, constantly courting controversy, and inviting censorship. What you might find beautiful in an erotic sense is intrinsically filthy, and will undoubtedly be seen as such by anyone who doesn't share your particular sexual tastes. It's not simply that people are being uptight, or have been brainwashed by a puritan religious upbringing (although I'm not discounting these things as contributing factors). It's an inherent byproduct of our biological programming! Which isn't necessarily reassuring (biology is a tough force to counteract), but understanding the problem correctly is always the first step toward finding an effective solution.

I mean, think about it. Human beings (and not just our species, but organic life in general) are icky, gooey, drippy, leaky, smelly bags of flesh and guts. If it weren't for the sheer importance of the role that sexual reproduction holds in our fundamental programming, I doubt we'd even tolerate ourselves for more than a second. This actually bugs me as an erotic artist, because it reveals that the subject of my passionate dedication is rather narrow-minded and ego-centric. I mean, there are standards of aestheticism that approach the objective (at least from our perspective). You can appreciate the beauty of a fine specimen of animal, for example - the lines and curves, the musculature, the colors and patterns - without it (necessarily) involving any kind of sexual evaluation whatsoever. But that driving force of desire that makes an erotic portrait so... potent? Just imagine, if there were another intelligent species on this planet (or any other), what they find erotically beautiful could be unremarkable to us. Or, worse yet, actively repulsive. And of course the reverse would have to hold true. If the virtue of my work can't even transcend my own species, how much value does it really hold, in the cosmic scheme?

On the other hand, it's not even as though all human beings can appreciate my art. My subject is so niche, it's not a majority - it's not even a multitude that appreciates it. Just a tiny minority. So I don't know why it should bother me that hypothetical beings that may or may not exist, and that we probably won't come into contact with any time remotely concurrent with the existence of my consciousness, can't appreciate my work. I guess I just want to believe that I'm doing something that has importance beyond the tiny blip that is the span of my life on the universal clock. But I should be content in the knowledge that, even if it's only a few people, there are others out there who appreciate what I do. And that not only do I find it enjoyable to do, but doing it brings pleasure and excitement to them as well. That's enough, right?

Right?

But I wish, as a society, we could stop criticizing each other for enjoying the things we like that other people find repulsive, especially to the point of not just withholding another's happiness, but ruining somebody's life because of what ultimately amounts to a matter of unbidden tastes. We literally want to put bullets in people's heads because they prefer the taste of salted caramel to cookies and cream.

Unresolved

It sounds counterintuitive - and maybe this makes me a bad artist (although let's be honest, I'll never be great) - but my resolution for this year is to take fewer pictures. It's kind of gotten out of hand, and I need to reel myself in (I'd like to say that I'll focus on quality over quantity, but frequently in my work process, quality has proven itself to be the byproduct of quantity) - and also spend time managing my backlog. I'm spending too much time barrelling forward, and I think that it's actually holding me back.

Maybe I'm wrong, and I have completely the wrong idea about this. I know that doing something a lot is what makes you get better at it. But I need time to manage, too. Not just create. I have years of good stuff I haven't even shared yet, and I need to curate my library of photos, fashion something of a portfolio, and figure out how to present my work to potential new audiences that are missing out. I want to get better at doing those things, too. And I don't want to wait forever to do it. Life is short. Not everybody is as young as I am, and I'm not even as young as I'd like to be. And there'll be nobody invested enough to manage my estate when I'm gone.

This year, I want to think further ahead than just this year.