It may just be a passing phase, but I've been growing a little bored of Twitter lately. I actually started working through my buildup of (literally) hundreds of notifications on DeviantArt, and it's fun spending some time back on that site again (although browsing all those pictures on a widescreen monitor can be a strain on the eyes). I follow some talented nude artists on Twitter, but it's a very different experience.
Courting "engagement" is so tedious. I've grown accustomed to the sort of response my work has received on sites like Flickr and DeviantArt. On Twitter, it's often like speaking to an empty auditorium. I miss the days of the old photo sharing sites, before it was all about "gaming the algorithm". Things were a lot more straightforward; your profile was understood to be the place where you showed off your work, and you had a separate section for other people's stuff that you liked. Nowadays, everything gets jumbled together on your feed, and the pace of updates is so rapid you can't possibly keep up, and the things you post lose relevance after 24 hours, if they were lucky enough to be seen by anyone in the first place.
Anyway, one thing that strikes me about DeviantArt is just how much fetishism there is. Some of it is legitimately weird, but honestly, I find that it inspires my erotic imagination in a way that I realize I haven't felt for a while. Fine art can just be so dry sometimes, you know? And so pretentious. Whatever you might say about the forward-thinking NFT community, it feels really cultish. Well, I thought it would be fun to list some of the most popular fetishes I've been encountering on DeviantArt, just because documenting people's sexual interests seems fascinating to me. Must be Kinsey's influence. So this is what I've been seeing a lot of as I browse through people's lists of favorites, with some light commentary:
*kidnapping - A little bondage is fine if you ask me, but a fixation on this sort of thing is a little bit concerning.
*feet - I can appreciate some of this material, but fetishists always seem to take it too far.
*vore - No thank you, lol.
*genderswap captions (sometimes involving age regression) - I think the sissification angle is problematic (feminization isn't humiliating to me), but there's a lot of creativity on display here, and some of it is legitimately stimulating.
*kids - No comment, since you can't say anything on this topic that isn't either compelled speech or suicide by words, and neither of those two options sounds very appealing to me.
*giants/minis - To each their own, but I think this is just weird...
*cartoons/rule 34 fanart - I'm all for people using their imaginations to sexualize pop culture icons. Also, with regards to the complaint of "ruining one's childhood", part of growing up is realizing how much sexuality permeates nearly everything we do in life. Get over it.
*dickgirls - You might be surprised to hear this coming from me, considering my gender-bending tendencies, but I find the juxtaposition of a penis on a fully female body off-putting. ::shrugs::
*forced nudity/exhibitionism (including clothed/nude mixed groups) - As a nudist, I obviously don't relate to the humiliation aspect, but otherwise this kind of content is right up my alley.
*sleeping bodies and simulated corpses - I'm trying very hard not to judge people for their sexual inclinations, but this is another one that concerns me a bit.
*femdom - You know I think girl power rocks, but some of these fantasies take it to a humorously unrealistic extreme. Like, men being kept as pets and subservient sex slaves to women. Or women treating men's balls - literally - as punching bags. Just as an example.
*spanking - I think I enjoy the threat more than the execution. The anticipation of submission and exposure (and sometimes the abuse of authority) thrills me more than the pain or the bruising.
*small dick energy - Like, guys who get off on being teased about their size. I'm concerned that this sort of thing could contribute to insecurity, but for those who enjoy it, I'm happy that they can turn what could be considered a deficiency into something that brings them pleasure.
I'm actually surprised I don't see more furry/bestial content (I know it's on there), but you can find just about anything if you dig deep enough (even, surprisingly, sexually explicit material that I thought was prohibited by the rules). All of this is, of course, in addition to lots of gay material (which is great - I might prefer girls, but I like to see equal representation) and the usual heaps of naked or scantily clad women that straight men like to ogle (which is also great).
Wednesday, December 14, 2022
Friday, December 9, 2022
The Photographic Process
Have you ever wondered about the steps that go into the process that turns a twinkle in my imagination into the image you view on your screen? I was thinking about the different passes I make on my photos before they're ready for sharing (because it's something I do on a pretty much daily basis), and I decided to write them out. Having written them out, I thought I'd share them with you. I've written about the creative process behind bringing a photographic idea to fruition before, but this is more of a focus on the technical aspect.
1. I grab my camera and shoot some pictures.
2. If I've shot any self-timer pictures on my phone (which is the majority of what I shoot these days), I have to go through and reduce each shot from 10 consecutive frames down to 1 (or more, if it's an action shot). That's just how the self-timer on an iPhone works - it takes a burst of 10 images for whatever reason, making my job harder.
3. When I get home (if I'm not already there), I transfer the files to my desktop computer.
4. I usually do this later in the process, after I've finished the still images (because it takes more time), but I'll view any videos I've recorded, and screencap interesting frames.
5. I review my photos (or captured video frames), pick out the ones that stand out, and edit them (lightly) in Lightroom.
6. I touch up the edited photos in Photoshop (again, lightly), to remove visual distractions such as moles and wrinkles on my body, or carpet lint, etc. This is something I've gotten into the habit of doing more and more over the years.
7. Sometimes I'll perform further functions in Photoshop (or Paint) - e.g., to create clone shots or polyptychs or animated gifs (I use GIMP for this). In the case of videos, I may need to edit, cut or combine files in MovieMaker.
8. I add watermarks to all images I intend to share online, and reduce them to web-ready sizes (because I'm not going to share high-resolution pics for no reason).
9. I wait for the right moment to post, sometimes writing down thoughts and observations to accompany the images.
1. I grab my camera and shoot some pictures.
2. If I've shot any self-timer pictures on my phone (which is the majority of what I shoot these days), I have to go through and reduce each shot from 10 consecutive frames down to 1 (or more, if it's an action shot). That's just how the self-timer on an iPhone works - it takes a burst of 10 images for whatever reason, making my job harder.
3. When I get home (if I'm not already there), I transfer the files to my desktop computer.
4. I usually do this later in the process, after I've finished the still images (because it takes more time), but I'll view any videos I've recorded, and screencap interesting frames.
5. I review my photos (or captured video frames), pick out the ones that stand out, and edit them (lightly) in Lightroom.
6. I touch up the edited photos in Photoshop (again, lightly), to remove visual distractions such as moles and wrinkles on my body, or carpet lint, etc. This is something I've gotten into the habit of doing more and more over the years.
7. Sometimes I'll perform further functions in Photoshop (or Paint) - e.g., to create clone shots or polyptychs or animated gifs (I use GIMP for this). In the case of videos, I may need to edit, cut or combine files in MovieMaker.
8. I add watermarks to all images I intend to share online, and reduce them to web-ready sizes (because I'm not going to share high-resolution pics for no reason).
9. I wait for the right moment to post, sometimes writing down thoughts and observations to accompany the images.
Saturday, November 19, 2022
Dendrophilia
[description: series of self-portraits posing naked with various trees]
The pandemic-induced lockdowns of 2020 must have incubated within me a sense of wanderlust, since for the past two years, my favorite hobby has been going out into the woods to get naked and take pictures.
Just over the course of this past year, and initially without consciously meaning to, I gradually came to the realization that I'd been taking lots of pictures on or near or interacting with trees. So, I decided to lean into it. I started going out specifically looking for interesting trees to pose with.
As a lover of nature in general and trees in particular, these images hold a special significance for me. They also reflect my interest in naturism - enjoying the sensations of being out in nature without clothing - while also demonstrating the beauty I find, as an artist, both in nature and the human body.
I've named this series "dendrophilia" (love of trees), which is a term I learned many years ago, after being captivated by a short but memorable scene in a David Hamilton film depicting a young girl's romantic encounter with a tree.
Whether to interpret this love as erotic or platonic is up to the viewer - I consider both interpretations to be valid. Speaking as the artist, I am not sexually attracted to trees, but neither am I disturbed by the idea. In truth, I do find that being naked in nature can be a sensual - sometimes even erotic - experience, and I am not ashamed to admit that.
I simply do not view sexual attraction as a destructive or degrading influence. I respect that which I admire, sexually or otherwise, and am invested in its wellbeing. Certainly, it is no more shameful to experience physical pleasure outdoors, than it is to engage in such mainstream activities as hunting animals, felling trees, and polluting the environment.
The pandemic-induced lockdowns of 2020 must have incubated within me a sense of wanderlust, since for the past two years, my favorite hobby has been going out into the woods to get naked and take pictures.
Just over the course of this past year, and initially without consciously meaning to, I gradually came to the realization that I'd been taking lots of pictures on or near or interacting with trees. So, I decided to lean into it. I started going out specifically looking for interesting trees to pose with.
As a lover of nature in general and trees in particular, these images hold a special significance for me. They also reflect my interest in naturism - enjoying the sensations of being out in nature without clothing - while also demonstrating the beauty I find, as an artist, both in nature and the human body.
I've named this series "dendrophilia" (love of trees), which is a term I learned many years ago, after being captivated by a short but memorable scene in a David Hamilton film depicting a young girl's romantic encounter with a tree.
Whether to interpret this love as erotic or platonic is up to the viewer - I consider both interpretations to be valid. Speaking as the artist, I am not sexually attracted to trees, but neither am I disturbed by the idea. In truth, I do find that being naked in nature can be a sensual - sometimes even erotic - experience, and I am not ashamed to admit that.
I simply do not view sexual attraction as a destructive or degrading influence. I respect that which I admire, sexually or otherwise, and am invested in its wellbeing. Certainly, it is no more shameful to experience physical pleasure outdoors, than it is to engage in such mainstream activities as hunting animals, felling trees, and polluting the environment.
Monday, November 14, 2022
Tanga Thoughts
[description: a figure in a pink hoodie wears a swimsuit so brief as to be barely visible]
As somebody who likes to wear as little clothing as possible, you'd think that a swimsuit as skimpy as this one (I tend to bring it out late in the season when there are less people at the lake, to help even out my tan) would be a satisfactory substitute for being naked. But while, as an exhibitionist, I do like wearing it, as a nudist, it doesn't capture nearly as much of the feeling of being naked as you might think.
It sounds perverted (though it's really not), but a large part of the tactile joy of nudity (at least as an anatomical male) is the sensation of your genitals swinging freely, unencumbered by the restriction of tight clothing. After all, that's the primary defining factor that separates being naked from being dressed. Therefore, a loose dress without underwear ironically feels closer to being naked than wearing a thong bikini*, despite the latter exposing much more skin and being far more restricted by society than the former. Hence the popularity among nudists of the "shirtcock" - unfortunate inasmuch as it isn't usually, in my experience, a very visually appealing fashion.
Nevertheless, the full effect of nudity can only be experienced when that feeling of freedom extends to every part of the body (including the feet), which is why "complete" or "total" nudity maintains its special status (at least in my mind), even as you'll not uncommonly encounter nudists wearing shoes, or wrapped in shawls, or what have you.
*Don't get me wrong, the thong bikini can be quite thrilling to wear, in the sense of exposing a maximum percentage of your body. But that's more of an exhibitionist thrill, and not really the same thing as the nudist sensation of being naked. Which is probably why nudists who eschew exhibitionism tend to completely overlook the virtues of skimpy swimwear (a perspective I never really could relate to).
As somebody who likes to wear as little clothing as possible, you'd think that a swimsuit as skimpy as this one (I tend to bring it out late in the season when there are less people at the lake, to help even out my tan) would be a satisfactory substitute for being naked. But while, as an exhibitionist, I do like wearing it, as a nudist, it doesn't capture nearly as much of the feeling of being naked as you might think.
It sounds perverted (though it's really not), but a large part of the tactile joy of nudity (at least as an anatomical male) is the sensation of your genitals swinging freely, unencumbered by the restriction of tight clothing. After all, that's the primary defining factor that separates being naked from being dressed. Therefore, a loose dress without underwear ironically feels closer to being naked than wearing a thong bikini*, despite the latter exposing much more skin and being far more restricted by society than the former. Hence the popularity among nudists of the "shirtcock" - unfortunate inasmuch as it isn't usually, in my experience, a very visually appealing fashion.
Nevertheless, the full effect of nudity can only be experienced when that feeling of freedom extends to every part of the body (including the feet), which is why "complete" or "total" nudity maintains its special status (at least in my mind), even as you'll not uncommonly encounter nudists wearing shoes, or wrapped in shawls, or what have you.
*Don't get me wrong, the thong bikini can be quite thrilling to wear, in the sense of exposing a maximum percentage of your body. But that's more of an exhibitionist thrill, and not really the same thing as the nudist sensation of being naked. Which is probably why nudists who eschew exhibitionism tend to completely overlook the virtues of skimpy swimwear (a perspective I never really could relate to).
Saturday, October 22, 2022
Crystal Lake Campout
One of the limitations of self-portrait photography is that you only ever have one model to shoot. Cloning is a technique I've learned to use to construct portraits that at least create the illusion of working with multiple subjects. To do this, I set up my camera in one spot, and then pose as if I were different people. Then, I stitch the images together on a computer, using photo editing software.
One of my early cloning experiments, which I performed in 2010, was an image depicting a slumber party with four separate characters, exhibiting distinct personalities (athlete, fashionista, flirt, and socialite). Coordinating their outfits - different types of pajamas - was part of the fun. The following year, I created a sequel to this image, inspired by the slasher flick Slumber Party Massacre. This time, it involved a series of images, including establishing shots for each of the characters, leading up to the climax which featured all the characters in a single group shot. I also introduced a fifth character - the stalker/slasher. In 2013, I completed the trilogy, with a variation on the original image, reimagined as a campout.
For a number of years, those images stood alone. Then, in 2019, I spontaneously decided to remake Slumber Party with a "new" generation of characters, shot in my new home. Using my accumulated experience both as a photographer and as a model, I set out to create my best "slumber party" image yet - and I think I succeeded. I let it rest for a couple of years, until last fall, when I felt ready to take on the sequel - a remake of the Slumber Party Massacre. This time, I had a Freddy Krueger costume in my closet, so it was an obvious choice to do an homage to A Nightmare on Elm Street. I called it Elm Street Dreams.
As soon as it was completed, I had the perfect idea for completing the trilogy and remaking Slumber Party Campout. What better choice, to mirror Freddy's appearance in Elm Street Dreams, than to buy a Jason costume and do an homage to Friday the 13th? I acquired the outfits, and planned the shoot for late summer. And what better location than the local lake and campground I was intimately familiar with, from repeated summer visits over the past two seasons? So now I present to you, the culmination of the Slumber Party Remake Trilogy - Crystal Lake Campout!
[description: a girl in a dress carries her shoes across a stream, as Jason follows undetected]
The fashionista carries her shoes across a gurgling stream in her pastel sundress and long flowing hair, unaware of the threat stalking her through the woods.
[description: a girl in a bikini stands beside a lake, stalked by Jason]
The flirt searches for a spot to lay out in the sun in her skimpy bikini, before taking a dip in the lake. Behind her, Jason is keeping a watchful eye - all too aware of the dangers of swimming alone.
[description: a Girl Scout stands outside the camp office, watched by Jason]
The socialite approaches the camp office, dressed in her Girl Scout uniform. The park ranger is absent, but Jason is there to receive her!
[description: a girl dressed like Lara Croft climbs a rock face to escape Jason]
The athlete effortlessly scales a cliff face, dressed like one of her favorite gaming icons. What she doesn't know is that Jason is hot on her heels!
[description: four girls prepare camp while Jason emerges from the woods]
The girls gather at their campsite to settle in for the night. The athlete gathers wood for the fire the socialite needs to toast marshmallows, while the fashionista sets up the tent, and the flirt absorbs the last of the sun's rays. Just then, an uninvited guest emerges from the woods. But this is no nightmare - this time, the danger is all too real! What will become of our slumber party girls? Will we ever see them again? Not even I can answer that question...
One of my early cloning experiments, which I performed in 2010, was an image depicting a slumber party with four separate characters, exhibiting distinct personalities (athlete, fashionista, flirt, and socialite). Coordinating their outfits - different types of pajamas - was part of the fun. The following year, I created a sequel to this image, inspired by the slasher flick Slumber Party Massacre. This time, it involved a series of images, including establishing shots for each of the characters, leading up to the climax which featured all the characters in a single group shot. I also introduced a fifth character - the stalker/slasher. In 2013, I completed the trilogy, with a variation on the original image, reimagined as a campout.
For a number of years, those images stood alone. Then, in 2019, I spontaneously decided to remake Slumber Party with a "new" generation of characters, shot in my new home. Using my accumulated experience both as a photographer and as a model, I set out to create my best "slumber party" image yet - and I think I succeeded. I let it rest for a couple of years, until last fall, when I felt ready to take on the sequel - a remake of the Slumber Party Massacre. This time, I had a Freddy Krueger costume in my closet, so it was an obvious choice to do an homage to A Nightmare on Elm Street. I called it Elm Street Dreams.
As soon as it was completed, I had the perfect idea for completing the trilogy and remaking Slumber Party Campout. What better choice, to mirror Freddy's appearance in Elm Street Dreams, than to buy a Jason costume and do an homage to Friday the 13th? I acquired the outfits, and planned the shoot for late summer. And what better location than the local lake and campground I was intimately familiar with, from repeated summer visits over the past two seasons? So now I present to you, the culmination of the Slumber Party Remake Trilogy - Crystal Lake Campout!
[description: a girl in a dress carries her shoes across a stream, as Jason follows undetected]
The fashionista carries her shoes across a gurgling stream in her pastel sundress and long flowing hair, unaware of the threat stalking her through the woods.
[description: a girl in a bikini stands beside a lake, stalked by Jason]
The flirt searches for a spot to lay out in the sun in her skimpy bikini, before taking a dip in the lake. Behind her, Jason is keeping a watchful eye - all too aware of the dangers of swimming alone.
[description: a Girl Scout stands outside the camp office, watched by Jason]
The socialite approaches the camp office, dressed in her Girl Scout uniform. The park ranger is absent, but Jason is there to receive her!
[description: a girl dressed like Lara Croft climbs a rock face to escape Jason]
The athlete effortlessly scales a cliff face, dressed like one of her favorite gaming icons. What she doesn't know is that Jason is hot on her heels!
[description: four girls prepare camp while Jason emerges from the woods]
The girls gather at their campsite to settle in for the night. The athlete gathers wood for the fire the socialite needs to toast marshmallows, while the fashionista sets up the tent, and the flirt absorbs the last of the sun's rays. Just then, an uninvited guest emerges from the woods. But this is no nightmare - this time, the danger is all too real! What will become of our slumber party girls? Will we ever see them again? Not even I can answer that question...
Saturday, October 1, 2022
The Debate Over Halloween Costumes Continues
But this time, it's less about sexualization than gender equality.
As a disclaimer, I'm not too familiar with the show Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, but I have a passing familiarity with the characters, as I do know somebody who watches it and loves it. The main protagonists are a girl/boy duo whose superhero identities are Ladybug and Cat Noir. I also understand that there is a canonical gender swap version of the characters named Mister Bug and Lady Noir. So when I was browsing the Halloween store, looking at all the fun costumes - which is something I enjoy doing every year in the fall - I noticed something about the kids' costumes available in the Miraculous section. The Cat Noir costume featured both a boy and a girl dressed up on the packaging, but the Ladybug costume featured only a girl. There was, additionally, a separate "Lady Noir" costume for girls, but no corresponding "Mister Bug" costume for boys that I could find.
Obviously, there's no real need to have separate costumes for the different sexes in this case, as the gender swapped versions of the outfits do not appear to be substantially different. There's nothing stopping a boy from buying and wearing a Ladybug costume, just as there is nothing stopping a girl from buying and wearing a Cat Noir costume. But I think the fact that there is a girl wearing the Cat Noir costume on its packaging, given equal billing to the boy also depicted wearing the costume, but there is no equivalent boy wearing the Ladybug costume on its packaging, is revealing of the gender stereotypes we continue to live with. Namely, that it's okay - admirable, even - for a girl to imitate a boy, but that it's still taboo (and puts a target on your back for harassment) for a boy to imitate a girl. This is what we have feminism to thank for?
Now, it could be argued that Cat Noir's costume is already somewhat feminized - as men do not typically dress in tight spandex, and there is, on the other hand, certainly a precedent for women dressed in tight black leather outfits (see: Catwoman). I wouldn't disagree with that, and I think that's a point in the show's favor. But the way these costumes are being marketed is saying something rather different.
Another point you could possibly make is that Miraculous is a show that appeals more to girls (I don't have any statistics to back up this claim, but it wouldn't surprise me if this were the case), and therefore the costumes are going to be more heavily marketed to girls* - with the girl in the Cat Noir costume acting as if to say, "yeah, this is a boy character on the show, but you can still wear this costume, girls!" Moreso considering that, of the three or four different Miraculous characters I saw costumes for, this was the only one that's a boy. But even so, what do you think this kind of media messaging does to the boys who are out there that watch Miraculous and idolize Ladybug and want to dress up as her for Halloween? They probably won't, because they're justifiably terrified of being teased by peers and siblings - and adults who should really know better but don't, because this is the culture we live in. The fact is, it's not unheard of for boys to like shows marketed to girls. I say that as a person who secretly watched Sailor Moon as a teen.
*Allow me to add a counterpoint to this point. It occurs to me that I may not have given this point sufficient weight, as, to be fair, I did find the Miraculous section located among the girls' department. So it would make sense for a girl to appear in the Cat Noir costume, but not for a boy to appear in the Ladybug costume, if these costumes are indeed being marketed predominantly to girls. However, in my defense, I would challenge you to find a different show that appeals to boys, and locate a costume for a girl character in that show that is still being marketed to boys, and shows not just a girl but also a boy wearing that same costume on the package. I would be very surprised to find such a thing; indeed, a survey of the boys' department reveals nothing of the kind. Of course, you could say that this is to be expected, as it's far more common for girls to be comfortable dressing like boys than the reverse - but that's exactly my point.
What I did notice was that the kids' costumes were much more segregated by sex, with girl costumes and boy costumes separated, while the "adult" department mixed in women's and men's costumes liberally, sorted mainly by theme. There are also a lot of "feminized" versions of male (or gender neutral*) costumes, and few (if any) male versions of traditionally female costumes. Imagine, for example, a Red Riding Hood, Harley Quinn, or Wonder Woman costume marketed to men. And don't say that there are male versions if you're only thinking of the character's analogue (e.g., witch vs. warlock, priest vs. nun). The fact is, feminized versions of Wolf, Joker, and Superman (does the world need both Supergirl and Wonder Woman, more than it needs a Wonder Man?) costumes exist - indeed, this phenomenon is so common as to be expected, while you almost never see the female analogues marketed to men. A woman might dress as Peter Pan without a second thought, but can you even imagine a man donning a Tinkerbell costume for any other purpose than self-effacing humor? (Other than me, of course - on that note, I think I might know what my costume for next year is going to be).
*Consider how weird it would be if we had not just "sexy", feminized versions of otherwise gender neutral (or traditionally male, as that's defined as the "default" in our culture) costumes, but also hyper-masculinized versions. So, in addition to "clown" there would not just be "sexy clown" but also "buff clown". The pirate section would add not just "sassy pirate" but also "burly pirate". We'd have not just skeletons in tulle skirts, but (ironically) ones in muscle shirts, too. I wouldn't be opposed to any of this - and indeed, I take much pleasure in the existence of feminized costumes. I just can't help noticing the asymmetry, and associating it with the disparity I perceive between the different levels of discrimination men versus women experience when crossing conventional gender lines.
Well, that's one of the reasons I'm proud to dress like a girl and appear in public doing so. And I'm happy to say that attitudes over the past decade seem to be improving. I get a lot more compliments (including from the woman working the register at the store where I found these costumes, who liked the dress I was wearing at the time), and a lot less confusion - even from little kids - now that "transgender" is more of a household term. That's what I call progress. And if there are pockets of conservatives fighting back real hard right now, that's only because we're making headway, and they're the ones who are terrified for a change. Let's keep it that way.
And if I were more familiar with Miraculous, I'd happily dress in a Ladybug costume to show other boys that it's okay (and I certainly wouldn't scoff at the chance to dress up in tight black leather, even - or especially - if it were a Catwoman costume instead of Cat Noir). Instead, for the past couple of Halloweens, I've been wearing costumes of feminized versions of male characters from horror movies - namely, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. I could easily have worn the male version of the costume if I wanted to, but I deliberately picked the female version because that's what I like to wear. And that's perfectly okay. In fact, it's better than okay. It's great! Life's too short to let peer pressure get in the way of the pursuit of happiness. Especially for those of us who are living in what is [sometimes dubiously] called "the free world".
As a disclaimer, I'm not too familiar with the show Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, but I have a passing familiarity with the characters, as I do know somebody who watches it and loves it. The main protagonists are a girl/boy duo whose superhero identities are Ladybug and Cat Noir. I also understand that there is a canonical gender swap version of the characters named Mister Bug and Lady Noir. So when I was browsing the Halloween store, looking at all the fun costumes - which is something I enjoy doing every year in the fall - I noticed something about the kids' costumes available in the Miraculous section. The Cat Noir costume featured both a boy and a girl dressed up on the packaging, but the Ladybug costume featured only a girl. There was, additionally, a separate "Lady Noir" costume for girls, but no corresponding "Mister Bug" costume for boys that I could find.
Obviously, there's no real need to have separate costumes for the different sexes in this case, as the gender swapped versions of the outfits do not appear to be substantially different. There's nothing stopping a boy from buying and wearing a Ladybug costume, just as there is nothing stopping a girl from buying and wearing a Cat Noir costume. But I think the fact that there is a girl wearing the Cat Noir costume on its packaging, given equal billing to the boy also depicted wearing the costume, but there is no equivalent boy wearing the Ladybug costume on its packaging, is revealing of the gender stereotypes we continue to live with. Namely, that it's okay - admirable, even - for a girl to imitate a boy, but that it's still taboo (and puts a target on your back for harassment) for a boy to imitate a girl. This is what we have feminism to thank for?
Now, it could be argued that Cat Noir's costume is already somewhat feminized - as men do not typically dress in tight spandex, and there is, on the other hand, certainly a precedent for women dressed in tight black leather outfits (see: Catwoman). I wouldn't disagree with that, and I think that's a point in the show's favor. But the way these costumes are being marketed is saying something rather different.
Another point you could possibly make is that Miraculous is a show that appeals more to girls (I don't have any statistics to back up this claim, but it wouldn't surprise me if this were the case), and therefore the costumes are going to be more heavily marketed to girls* - with the girl in the Cat Noir costume acting as if to say, "yeah, this is a boy character on the show, but you can still wear this costume, girls!" Moreso considering that, of the three or four different Miraculous characters I saw costumes for, this was the only one that's a boy. But even so, what do you think this kind of media messaging does to the boys who are out there that watch Miraculous and idolize Ladybug and want to dress up as her for Halloween? They probably won't, because they're justifiably terrified of being teased by peers and siblings - and adults who should really know better but don't, because this is the culture we live in. The fact is, it's not unheard of for boys to like shows marketed to girls. I say that as a person who secretly watched Sailor Moon as a teen.
*Allow me to add a counterpoint to this point. It occurs to me that I may not have given this point sufficient weight, as, to be fair, I did find the Miraculous section located among the girls' department. So it would make sense for a girl to appear in the Cat Noir costume, but not for a boy to appear in the Ladybug costume, if these costumes are indeed being marketed predominantly to girls. However, in my defense, I would challenge you to find a different show that appeals to boys, and locate a costume for a girl character in that show that is still being marketed to boys, and shows not just a girl but also a boy wearing that same costume on the package. I would be very surprised to find such a thing; indeed, a survey of the boys' department reveals nothing of the kind. Of course, you could say that this is to be expected, as it's far more common for girls to be comfortable dressing like boys than the reverse - but that's exactly my point.
What I did notice was that the kids' costumes were much more segregated by sex, with girl costumes and boy costumes separated, while the "adult" department mixed in women's and men's costumes liberally, sorted mainly by theme. There are also a lot of "feminized" versions of male (or gender neutral*) costumes, and few (if any) male versions of traditionally female costumes. Imagine, for example, a Red Riding Hood, Harley Quinn, or Wonder Woman costume marketed to men. And don't say that there are male versions if you're only thinking of the character's analogue (e.g., witch vs. warlock, priest vs. nun). The fact is, feminized versions of Wolf, Joker, and Superman (does the world need both Supergirl and Wonder Woman, more than it needs a Wonder Man?) costumes exist - indeed, this phenomenon is so common as to be expected, while you almost never see the female analogues marketed to men. A woman might dress as Peter Pan without a second thought, but can you even imagine a man donning a Tinkerbell costume for any other purpose than self-effacing humor? (Other than me, of course - on that note, I think I might know what my costume for next year is going to be).
*Consider how weird it would be if we had not just "sexy", feminized versions of otherwise gender neutral (or traditionally male, as that's defined as the "default" in our culture) costumes, but also hyper-masculinized versions. So, in addition to "clown" there would not just be "sexy clown" but also "buff clown". The pirate section would add not just "sassy pirate" but also "burly pirate". We'd have not just skeletons in tulle skirts, but (ironically) ones in muscle shirts, too. I wouldn't be opposed to any of this - and indeed, I take much pleasure in the existence of feminized costumes. I just can't help noticing the asymmetry, and associating it with the disparity I perceive between the different levels of discrimination men versus women experience when crossing conventional gender lines.
Well, that's one of the reasons I'm proud to dress like a girl and appear in public doing so. And I'm happy to say that attitudes over the past decade seem to be improving. I get a lot more compliments (including from the woman working the register at the store where I found these costumes, who liked the dress I was wearing at the time), and a lot less confusion - even from little kids - now that "transgender" is more of a household term. That's what I call progress. And if there are pockets of conservatives fighting back real hard right now, that's only because we're making headway, and they're the ones who are terrified for a change. Let's keep it that way.
And if I were more familiar with Miraculous, I'd happily dress in a Ladybug costume to show other boys that it's okay (and I certainly wouldn't scoff at the chance to dress up in tight black leather, even - or especially - if it were a Catwoman costume instead of Cat Noir). Instead, for the past couple of Halloweens, I've been wearing costumes of feminized versions of male characters from horror movies - namely, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. I could easily have worn the male version of the costume if I wanted to, but I deliberately picked the female version because that's what I like to wear. And that's perfectly okay. In fact, it's better than okay. It's great! Life's too short to let peer pressure get in the way of the pursuit of happiness. Especially for those of us who are living in what is [sometimes dubiously] called "the free world".
Monday, September 19, 2022
A Sidebar on Flickr
I admit that I wasn't in the most stable frame of mind when I deleted my long-running (14 years!) Flickr account last spring - as this was shortly after I'd been fired by Patreon. But I stand by my decision to ragequit Flickr, when they announced in March that artists like myself were going to have to start paying to provide them with nude and/or erotic content. I get that they're a business, selling a product, but I have a product to sell, too. If our goals are aligned - driving traffic to their site - and I'm providing the kind of material they're forcing other users to pay to see, then charging me to do that is exploiting my labor. There are other sites on the web where I can do that for free. Some of them will even pay me to generate that content. Why the hell would I continue to patronize Flickr?
I must also admit that I was rather annoyed by the nature of Flickr's announcement - how it was phrased in that disgustingly hypocritical, Orwellian tone that is so common among tech companies these days. Everything is couched in positive language, and the knife they stick in your back is etched with motivational aphorisms. The most common example is censorship resulting from a "deep commitment to free speech" (I kid you not!). Consider how Flickr described their discrimination against nude artists ("reserved for Pro" really means "forced to pay") in the same breath as calling itself the "most inclusive photography community on the planet." For the last few years, the new owners of Flickr threatened to delete users' art if they didn't delete it themselves first - an act that accomplished the opposite of their promoted goal to "preserve the art, expression, history, stories, and memories of all Flickr members". Though this ultimately turned out to be a hollow threat ("we haven't deleted a single photo"), they managed to spin that lie as an investment in the community, ignoring the fact that it effectively punished all those who followed the new rules, while rewarding those who didn't - a business strategy that hardly inspires trust.
To be fair, Flickr made me the artist I am today. Back in 2008, it was their welcoming community and dedication to free expression (including sexual expression) that gave me an open platform to discover - wholly and without limits (within the bounds of reason) - and grow into the kind of artist I wanted to be. I'll always honor and respect that Flickr and think back on it fondly. But Flickr has changed. It's not even owned by the same people anymore. I hate that yet another piece of my history has been lost, at a time when I was also grieving the loss of the home in which I grew up and spent most of my life. So many memories, the concrete records of which have been wiped clear. The comments. The conversations. The journey of self-discovery. (By the way, now there are a ton of broken links on my blog and elsewhere). But that's the way it is. All I can do now is wipe off the tears, and face forward.
I must also admit that I was rather annoyed by the nature of Flickr's announcement - how it was phrased in that disgustingly hypocritical, Orwellian tone that is so common among tech companies these days. Everything is couched in positive language, and the knife they stick in your back is etched with motivational aphorisms. The most common example is censorship resulting from a "deep commitment to free speech" (I kid you not!). Consider how Flickr described their discrimination against nude artists ("reserved for Pro" really means "forced to pay") in the same breath as calling itself the "most inclusive photography community on the planet." For the last few years, the new owners of Flickr threatened to delete users' art if they didn't delete it themselves first - an act that accomplished the opposite of their promoted goal to "preserve the art, expression, history, stories, and memories of all Flickr members". Though this ultimately turned out to be a hollow threat ("we haven't deleted a single photo"), they managed to spin that lie as an investment in the community, ignoring the fact that it effectively punished all those who followed the new rules, while rewarding those who didn't - a business strategy that hardly inspires trust.
To be fair, Flickr made me the artist I am today. Back in 2008, it was their welcoming community and dedication to free expression (including sexual expression) that gave me an open platform to discover - wholly and without limits (within the bounds of reason) - and grow into the kind of artist I wanted to be. I'll always honor and respect that Flickr and think back on it fondly. But Flickr has changed. It's not even owned by the same people anymore. I hate that yet another piece of my history has been lost, at a time when I was also grieving the loss of the home in which I grew up and spent most of my life. So many memories, the concrete records of which have been wiped clear. The comments. The conversations. The journey of self-discovery. (By the way, now there are a ton of broken links on my blog and elsewhere). But that's the way it is. All I can do now is wipe off the tears, and face forward.
Sunday, September 11, 2022
The Incident With Patreon
or, How Patreon Mishandled Me
Setting The Scene
I've tried to write this post many times. Each time, the wound was still too raw. But I want there to be an account of what Patreon did to me - told from my perspective - because the way they treated me was not only unethical, but unacceptable in a civilized society. I don't want to allow their behavior to be swept under the rug - as countless creators (including nude artists) still use the platform, feeding a behemoth that may tolerate them at their convenience, exploiting their labor for personal gain, but in truth cares no more for them, or the value of the art they produce, than a fly on its back.
One of the reasons this post is so hard to write is that I have to provide a proper context for my experience - without, obviously, writing a full autobiography. Otherwise, it could easily be dismissed as another whining account of a creator complaining about getting burned because they didn't follow the rules. You must understand that I have been producing nude and erotic art, and sharing it online, consistently and without hiatus since 2008. I have never once been banned from a website - until now - because I make a habit of reading the rules of every site I use, and respecting those rules even when I disagree with them (and I do have my disagreements). My behavior on Patreon was no exception.
I first learned about Patreon from a fellow artist on DeviantArt [NSFW]. What piqued my curiosity was the potential to monetize the labor I'd been passionately engaging in on a pro bono basis for over a decade. So I gave it a try. In the summer of 2019, I finally transitioned from being an experienced amateur self-portrait photographer to a professional artist. My Patreon account began to grow only very slowly, but it gave me a sense of purpose, and it reinforced my work ethic. I quickly began producing more and better content than ever before, with a much higher turnover between production and distribution than I had previously been used to.
From the very start, I acknowledged and observed Patreon's restrictions on pornographic imagery - as I had already been doing on DeviantArt for several years. I was careful to separate the work I produced, sharing (and referencing) only nonsexual, nudist-friendly media on the platform. The only run-in I had with Patreon's Orwellian-named "Trust & Safety" team (which polices content violations), was early on (in the fall of my first year) due to a misunderstanding. I had published censored versions of nude images in a series of public newsletters designed to advertise my work, not realizing (on account of it not being included in the Community Guidelines that I had previously combed over), that Patreon had a strict policy on even the implication of nudity in any publicly-accessible areas of the site. After clarification, the issue was rectified, and I never published another image (censored or otherwise) outside of the bounds of Patreon's safety filters.
Trust & Safety?
Although it may seem pedantic, for the sake of establishing my case against Patreon, I'd like to go into a little more depth about my first run-in with the Trust & Safety team (I have the email chain to back up all of these claims). This was in November of 2019, only four months after I started using the site. I was contacted by a member of the Trust & Safety team, informing me of a strike against my account. To start with, the initial email read like a form letter describing a host of general violations, only one of which I was guilty of committing. I had to request that the team member actually review my specific case in order to find out what it was that I had done wrong, as if I could fix anything without knowing that first.
To their credit, the team member was willing to work with me (this time). After reviewing my case, two problems were identified. However, one of these (regarding publicly-accessible links to Patron-only content) turned out to not be a problem at all; but this was only determined after I explained to the Trust & Safety team member (who then agreed with me) why it was not. The other problem was a result of the critical omission of any reference to "implied nudity" in the Community Guidelines. It was not clear from reading the guidelines, and I did not imagine that the kind of implied nudity you sometimes see on the covers of such mainstream magazines as Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair, and Women's Health (among others) would create any issues. The team member acknowledged my suggestion that the guidelines be updated to reflect this unposted rule.
My final complaint regards the solution that was proferred to me by the Trust & Safety team member, in order to remove the strike on my account. Their requirement was to mark any post containing the offending content Patron-only (so as to restrict public access) - even though this would render those posts (designed to be public advertisements) completely pointless - rather than considering the possibility of simply removing the offending content and preserving the rest of these posts. I suggested the latter approach, which the team member agreed would be satisfactory, and so that's what I did. Problem solved. My case was resolved. I continued with no further issues, until this year.
I understand that these people on the Trust & Safety team probably have a huge workload, and that they can't pore over every detail of every case they come across (although I think that's what justice requires), but I think I've pretty clearly demonstrated that, other than what I couldn't know - because it wasn't passed on from Patreon to its users - I understood the rules of the site even better than the person hired to enforce them. That doesn't inspire confidence, and it lays the groundwork for the Trust & Safety team's later mishandling of my account, which had much more devastating consequences.
A Screeching Halt
Meanwhile, I needed another outlet for the more erotic-oriented works that I was continuing to create. For that reason, I also started an OnlyFans [NSFW] account. I consider it my right to advertise both aspects of my art - "simply nude" and "erotic" - on a third party site which permits that content; such as Twitter [NSFW], which I have been using to build my brand and grow my fanbase. Fans have always had the choice, based on their tastes, to either subscribe to my nude art on Patreon, or my erotic art on OnlyFans. I never attempted to cross the two accounts, nor confuse users about what they would get from each one. OnlyFans never expressed to me any resentment that I produced a different kind of content for a different site, nor have they tried to police my behavior on a third party site. However, I cannot say the same for Patreon.
In March of this year (2022), after nearly three years of consistent productivity, providing hundreds of videos' and thousands of images' worth of content for Patreon (none of it ever cited by Patreon as being unacceptable or violating the Community Guidelines), out of the blue, I receive an email from a Trust & Safety team member on the way out of the office for a long weekend without correspondence, casually informing me that my account is in jeopardy. But it's not my conduct on Patreon that is the problem. It is content posted to my Twitter account (!) that has violated Patreon's guidelines. And the solution is to either remove any connection between the accounts (thus hamstringing my ability to advertise my work as an artist), or to "remove any violative content that's being shared on Twitter."
In other words, as a user of Patreon, the service was trying to police my behavior outside of Patreon, effectively trying to control the kind of art I was sharing on other platforms. This goes far beyond not permitting pornography on their platform (a rule that I always respected), and extends to not permitting known pornographers (with no consideration as to the delicate distinction between outright pornography and erotic art - we're not talking about explicit depictions of intercourse, mind you, but artistic portraits that merely do not shy away from "signs of arousal", as Patreon would describe it) to use their service, even within their guidelines. I instantly recognized this as an unreasonable demand, and prepared for the worst. Any hope of wanting to work with Patreon to resolve the issue was dashed by my resentment that they were willing to discriminate against me for my refusal, as an artist, to contribute to the further stigmatization of human sexuality.
Rather than scaring me straight, Patreon's objection to my involvement with pornography ironically left me with little recourse to continue on, professionally, as an artist (something I'm far more passionate about), as opposed to continuing to produce pornography for the more tolerant platform that has not rejected me - OnlyFans. Quite apart from encouraging people to pursue more socially-acceptable vocations, this is a pure example of how the shame and stigma of sex work actively discourages sex workers from leaving the very work for which they are condemned. Or, as in the case of my purpose as an artist, from attempting to raise the medium of sexual expression to a higher plane of sophistication.
Another difficulty in writing this post is expressing my emotional devastation without sounding melodramatic - the truth is, losing my Patreon account really hit me hard. If this had been any other site, I would have been disappointed, but I would have moved on. This was more like losing a job - a job that I really enjoyed, and one at which I thought I was performing well. Patreon didn't just rob me of a paycheck. They robbed me of a sense of purpose; of the feeling that what I'm doing is valuable - that it means something. Pulling the rug out from under me crippled my work ethic. I was legitimately depressed for months afterward. And for what? Not because of my behavior, but because of my sex-positive beliefs.
I may be a sensitive soul, but isn't that often the case among those with an artistic temperament? I'm not speaking metaphorically when I say that the impact of the way Patreon treated me brought me to my knees. I remember lying on the floor, my heart pounding through my chest. It exacerbated an arrythmia that sent me to the Emergency Room, where I had to have my heart shocked back into a normal rhythm - a procedure I am still paying for. And all the while my livelihood was being gutted, the Trust & Safety team coldly wished me "warm regards". I would have been less offended if they'd just been honest and told me they didn't give a fuck about me. Is it really worth it to treat other human beings this way? Is our phobia of human sexuality that important? And - perhaps the most poignant question of all - should we continue to patronize a platform that treats its own artists this way?
Setting The Scene
I've tried to write this post many times. Each time, the wound was still too raw. But I want there to be an account of what Patreon did to me - told from my perspective - because the way they treated me was not only unethical, but unacceptable in a civilized society. I don't want to allow their behavior to be swept under the rug - as countless creators (including nude artists) still use the platform, feeding a behemoth that may tolerate them at their convenience, exploiting their labor for personal gain, but in truth cares no more for them, or the value of the art they produce, than a fly on its back.
One of the reasons this post is so hard to write is that I have to provide a proper context for my experience - without, obviously, writing a full autobiography. Otherwise, it could easily be dismissed as another whining account of a creator complaining about getting burned because they didn't follow the rules. You must understand that I have been producing nude and erotic art, and sharing it online, consistently and without hiatus since 2008. I have never once been banned from a website - until now - because I make a habit of reading the rules of every site I use, and respecting those rules even when I disagree with them (and I do have my disagreements). My behavior on Patreon was no exception.
I first learned about Patreon from a fellow artist on DeviantArt [NSFW]. What piqued my curiosity was the potential to monetize the labor I'd been passionately engaging in on a pro bono basis for over a decade. So I gave it a try. In the summer of 2019, I finally transitioned from being an experienced amateur self-portrait photographer to a professional artist. My Patreon account began to grow only very slowly, but it gave me a sense of purpose, and it reinforced my work ethic. I quickly began producing more and better content than ever before, with a much higher turnover between production and distribution than I had previously been used to.
From the very start, I acknowledged and observed Patreon's restrictions on pornographic imagery - as I had already been doing on DeviantArt for several years. I was careful to separate the work I produced, sharing (and referencing) only nonsexual, nudist-friendly media on the platform. The only run-in I had with Patreon's Orwellian-named "Trust & Safety" team (which polices content violations), was early on (in the fall of my first year) due to a misunderstanding. I had published censored versions of nude images in a series of public newsletters designed to advertise my work, not realizing (on account of it not being included in the Community Guidelines that I had previously combed over), that Patreon had a strict policy on even the implication of nudity in any publicly-accessible areas of the site. After clarification, the issue was rectified, and I never published another image (censored or otherwise) outside of the bounds of Patreon's safety filters.
Trust & Safety?
Although it may seem pedantic, for the sake of establishing my case against Patreon, I'd like to go into a little more depth about my first run-in with the Trust & Safety team (I have the email chain to back up all of these claims). This was in November of 2019, only four months after I started using the site. I was contacted by a member of the Trust & Safety team, informing me of a strike against my account. To start with, the initial email read like a form letter describing a host of general violations, only one of which I was guilty of committing. I had to request that the team member actually review my specific case in order to find out what it was that I had done wrong, as if I could fix anything without knowing that first.
To their credit, the team member was willing to work with me (this time). After reviewing my case, two problems were identified. However, one of these (regarding publicly-accessible links to Patron-only content) turned out to not be a problem at all; but this was only determined after I explained to the Trust & Safety team member (who then agreed with me) why it was not. The other problem was a result of the critical omission of any reference to "implied nudity" in the Community Guidelines. It was not clear from reading the guidelines, and I did not imagine that the kind of implied nudity you sometimes see on the covers of such mainstream magazines as Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair, and Women's Health (among others) would create any issues. The team member acknowledged my suggestion that the guidelines be updated to reflect this unposted rule.
My final complaint regards the solution that was proferred to me by the Trust & Safety team member, in order to remove the strike on my account. Their requirement was to mark any post containing the offending content Patron-only (so as to restrict public access) - even though this would render those posts (designed to be public advertisements) completely pointless - rather than considering the possibility of simply removing the offending content and preserving the rest of these posts. I suggested the latter approach, which the team member agreed would be satisfactory, and so that's what I did. Problem solved. My case was resolved. I continued with no further issues, until this year.
I understand that these people on the Trust & Safety team probably have a huge workload, and that they can't pore over every detail of every case they come across (although I think that's what justice requires), but I think I've pretty clearly demonstrated that, other than what I couldn't know - because it wasn't passed on from Patreon to its users - I understood the rules of the site even better than the person hired to enforce them. That doesn't inspire confidence, and it lays the groundwork for the Trust & Safety team's later mishandling of my account, which had much more devastating consequences.
A Screeching Halt
Meanwhile, I needed another outlet for the more erotic-oriented works that I was continuing to create. For that reason, I also started an OnlyFans [NSFW] account. I consider it my right to advertise both aspects of my art - "simply nude" and "erotic" - on a third party site which permits that content; such as Twitter [NSFW], which I have been using to build my brand and grow my fanbase. Fans have always had the choice, based on their tastes, to either subscribe to my nude art on Patreon, or my erotic art on OnlyFans. I never attempted to cross the two accounts, nor confuse users about what they would get from each one. OnlyFans never expressed to me any resentment that I produced a different kind of content for a different site, nor have they tried to police my behavior on a third party site. However, I cannot say the same for Patreon.
In March of this year (2022), after nearly three years of consistent productivity, providing hundreds of videos' and thousands of images' worth of content for Patreon (none of it ever cited by Patreon as being unacceptable or violating the Community Guidelines), out of the blue, I receive an email from a Trust & Safety team member on the way out of the office for a long weekend without correspondence, casually informing me that my account is in jeopardy. But it's not my conduct on Patreon that is the problem. It is content posted to my Twitter account (!) that has violated Patreon's guidelines. And the solution is to either remove any connection between the accounts (thus hamstringing my ability to advertise my work as an artist), or to "remove any violative content that's being shared on Twitter."
In other words, as a user of Patreon, the service was trying to police my behavior outside of Patreon, effectively trying to control the kind of art I was sharing on other platforms. This goes far beyond not permitting pornography on their platform (a rule that I always respected), and extends to not permitting known pornographers (with no consideration as to the delicate distinction between outright pornography and erotic art - we're not talking about explicit depictions of intercourse, mind you, but artistic portraits that merely do not shy away from "signs of arousal", as Patreon would describe it) to use their service, even within their guidelines. I instantly recognized this as an unreasonable demand, and prepared for the worst. Any hope of wanting to work with Patreon to resolve the issue was dashed by my resentment that they were willing to discriminate against me for my refusal, as an artist, to contribute to the further stigmatization of human sexuality.
Rather than scaring me straight, Patreon's objection to my involvement with pornography ironically left me with little recourse to continue on, professionally, as an artist (something I'm far more passionate about), as opposed to continuing to produce pornography for the more tolerant platform that has not rejected me - OnlyFans. Quite apart from encouraging people to pursue more socially-acceptable vocations, this is a pure example of how the shame and stigma of sex work actively discourages sex workers from leaving the very work for which they are condemned. Or, as in the case of my purpose as an artist, from attempting to raise the medium of sexual expression to a higher plane of sophistication.
Another difficulty in writing this post is expressing my emotional devastation without sounding melodramatic - the truth is, losing my Patreon account really hit me hard. If this had been any other site, I would have been disappointed, but I would have moved on. This was more like losing a job - a job that I really enjoyed, and one at which I thought I was performing well. Patreon didn't just rob me of a paycheck. They robbed me of a sense of purpose; of the feeling that what I'm doing is valuable - that it means something. Pulling the rug out from under me crippled my work ethic. I was legitimately depressed for months afterward. And for what? Not because of my behavior, but because of my sex-positive beliefs.
I may be a sensitive soul, but isn't that often the case among those with an artistic temperament? I'm not speaking metaphorically when I say that the impact of the way Patreon treated me brought me to my knees. I remember lying on the floor, my heart pounding through my chest. It exacerbated an arrythmia that sent me to the Emergency Room, where I had to have my heart shocked back into a normal rhythm - a procedure I am still paying for. And all the while my livelihood was being gutted, the Trust & Safety team coldly wished me "warm regards". I would have been less offended if they'd just been honest and told me they didn't give a fuck about me. Is it really worth it to treat other human beings this way? Is our phobia of human sexuality that important? And - perhaps the most poignant question of all - should we continue to patronize a platform that treats its own artists this way?
Saturday, September 10, 2022
Overlooked Gems
(Not to oversell the case, but...)
In the course of porting my blog to a SFW Mirror, I've been looking back through the history of this blog, and I've come across some (actually, lots of) unposted drafts that may be of interest. Some of them are indeed a jumble of unfinished thoughts, but others appear to be more or less ready for publication. Perhaps I intended to revise them at a later date and simply forgot, or wanted to add further thoughts that I never got around to formulating. Some of them lack satisfying concluding paragraphs. Others may have been held back due to the inclusion of sensitive topics, or to spare the target of my frustrations. But they are well-written articulations of my thoughts, and I think they deserve to be read, at least as much as anything else I've published on this blog. I've backdated them to the time of their writing (as everything I write is a product of my thought processes at the time I put them down), but since I don't want them to be completely overlooked, I'm providing links here. These posts are listed in reverse chronological order (getting older as you go down the list), with entries from nearly every year going back to within a year of the blog's start.
Exhibitionism al Dente
From about a year and a half ago, this essay is a crystallization of my frustrations dealing with "the nudist community" online (especially on Twitter and Reddit), with their overly judgmental, sex-negative attitudes. It's rather long, and while I was trying to write it in an academic style, maybe it comes off as being overwrought (it didn't test well). In any case, it has some good points to make.
Fixation
This is a short treatise on the side-effects of body acceptance, and what happens when tolerance of diversity turns around and begins to discriminate against what is (or used to be) popular. It's not a very PC perspective these days, but it's one that I stand behind (and reflects the foundational principle of this blog, which is being truthful about what you find beautiful).
Social Nudity and Consent
This post is a bit long, and lacks a satisfying conclusion, but it's a good discussion of a controversial subject that bothers me, relating to some nudists' assertion that you must acquire a person's consent before appearing before them unclothed. Personally, I think that makes nudity sound like a sex act, which is counter to the nudist ethos, but I have more to say at the link.
Closing the Season
Wistful ruminations on a season of social nudism ending leads to another discussion about the controversial subject of finding nudity (especially that of young bodies) visually appealing, and how that conflicts with the pristine public image of nudism.
Naked Public Dares
I no doubt withheld this post originally because I had less than nice things to say about the type of "nudist exhibitionist" who is preoccupied with sharing pictures of him/herself, despite not being the sort of person others typically want to see naked. I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just trying to be honest with my feelings - not solely as an exhibitionist, but as an aesthetic artist. I'm posting it now, since the original link is dead, providing some measure of distance from the target(s) of my comments.
Sexual Safety vs. Sexual Liberty
I've probably articulated this opinion elsewhere, but this is a pretty good writeup of my frustrations with so-called "sex-positive feminism", which in my opinion often seems to be more sex-negative than I'd like.
Outfit of the Day (#ootd)
This was a simple #ootd (outfit of the day) post that turned into a long ramble about the frustrations of fashion while being transgender. I had to go through and parse it into paragraphs to make it readable.
Sex-Positive Education
This is, I believe, a solid post about sex education in the context of teaching your kids from a sex-positive perspective. Teaching kids about sex is an incredibly controversial subject, all the more so when what you're suggesting they learn is positive things and not the usual scare tactics. Which is unfortunate, because it's a critically important subject, and kids are left vulnerable to being harmed in any number of ways when they don't get the right messages from the right people at the right times in their lives.
Let's Talk About Pubic Hair
Pubic hair grooming habits are a weirdly controversial subject, but they're also highly particular. I have preferences, but my opinion is that "to each their own". That's probably why I never published this post. But in hindsight, I guess it doesn't hurt for me to weigh in on the debate. Also, I feel like lots of hate is thrown toward both ends of the spectrum - "smooth" and "bushy" - with the ubiquitous "landing strip" being accepted as the norm, while my opinion is the opposite: I think the landing strip looks ridiculous, and I'd prefer either extreme to it.
Freedom and Anarchy
This is a pretty fascinating stream of consciousness that starts with me considering my position on the legality of public nudity and then detours into a thought experiment on progressivism that explores the limits of freedom and the righteousness of imperialism. It doesn't really end up anywhere in particular, but it's quite good (if I may say so myself) while it's going.
Try A Little Tenderness & Revenging
Being sex-positive often entails becoming the devil's advocate, because the anti-sex crowd (I like to call it "the forces of chastity", after the tagline to the movie about Kinsey) will use any means to drive a wedge into our sexual freedoms. Nobody wants to be seen as the bad guy, but we have to be vigilant every time our freedoms are curtailed, or pretty soon we'll find that we have none left. "Revenge porn" was apparently in vogue in 2015, and I never dove fully into the subject at the time due to its sensitive nature. I understand that not everybody thinks the way that I do, but the very concept of "revenge porn" bothers me precisely because porn can only be used as blackmail if you're ashamed of it, and porn isn't something we should be ashamed of. So, instead of giving prudes more ammunition against porn, we can render revenge porn completely powerless by doing something we should already be doing anyway - accepting and acknowledging our sexual natures.
The "Social Psychology" of Sexting
A short reply to an article on sexting, which straddles the line between making the mistake that everybody makes - assuming there's something wrong with sexting to begin with - and focusing on the real problem, which is the violation of privacy that occurs when those photos are hacked.
Both Sides Now
Dunno why this one never got posted - it's a quite good exploration of the phenomenon of being a model and an exhibitionist, and the value of receiving sexual compliments from people you aren't necessarily going to be reciprocally attracted to. Something I remember writing about (again) just a couple years ago.
Realest Tumblr Posts About Being A Woman
I would hazard a guess that I refrained from posting this due to concerns over expressing an opinion about "being a woman" (considering that I wasn't born one), but to hell with that. I'm entitled to my own opinions, too. Sadly, though the original article is available, all the linked posts (which include the relevant quotes) are gone (remember Tumblr? Me neither, lol), so you'll just have to guess what they said via the context of my replies. In fact, it adds a little mystery!
The Recurring Problem of Sexualizing Nudism
This is a fairly long treatise on the popular problem of people sexualizing nudism (and why I think nudists make more of it than they should - which is to say that, people should be allowed to fantasize about nudism in a sexual context, as long as there are nudists around to remind people that this fantasy does not reflect reality). It kind of fizzles out at the end, but I've appended an additional snippet from another draft that dovetails amazingly well with where the first discussion ended up.
Fantasy vs. Desire
I have no desire to pretend that I don't have dark sexual fantasies sometimes - although in truth it's not a place I go to frequently. Still, there is an inherent vulnerability in admitting that. I have no idea what the fantasy was that inspired this post, all these years later, and actually, I think it's better that way. It's important that we don't become defined by the most extreme limits our imaginations permit themselves to go to.
A Brief Guide to Slut-Shaming
This is a short exploration of different examples of varying degrees of slut-shaming. I'm not generally in favor of the use of trigger warnings, but if you're sensitive to the topic of sexual abuse, you might want to avoid this post. If, however, you don't take it seriously, I think it's actually a little humorous, in a darkly comedic way.
Correlating Homophobia with Transphobia
This post explores an observation I've had about the correlation between homophobia and transphobia, as a result of the confusion between sex, gender, and orientation. It ends with a humorous scenario that I think perfectly illustrates the point.
Business and Pleasure
This is a pretty interesting hypothetical discussion about doing porn - in a more professional sense than I've done (although I think the standards are changing, in this post-OnlyFans world - and that's a good thing). Few things annoy me more than when pundits and their puppets cite the problems in The Industry (r) and use it to stain the very medium of sexual expression on the whole. Like as if porn is a unique case and it's not the very soul of capitalism that's "degrading". I support reform over abolition.
National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month
Teen pregnancy is one of those weird issues, where I kinda agree it's not a great idea (but it's not always a bad idea, either), but methods and approaches toward the issue are either muddled or completely misguided. At the end of the day, it's a choice a person has to make for themself, whether we agree with it or not. But apart from pretending we know what's best for another person, the emphasis needs to be on education and making contraception more widely available. The worst threat in the "problem" of teen pregnancy isn't teens having sex, it's religious conservatives getting in the way of teens 1) having access to contraception, and 2) learning to appreciate it.
Shit Girls Say About Sex
This is a reactionary piece to a magazine article I read that's designed to function as sex education for teens (specifically, girls). Actually, it wasn't a bad article, but I'm fond of niggling over minor details (and I apparently had a lot to say about contraception, peer pressure, and the institution of virginity). In re-reading the post, I thought that it was unfinished, but I dug out the article in question, and it's actually shorter than I imagined.
Chastity as Purity
I can see how this post could be read as sour grapes over an actress refusing to appear topless in a movie, but really, it's about our attitudes to nudity and how we treat people who show off their bodies. I don't want anyone to feel pressure to do anything they're uncomfortable with, but if there's a role that provides an opportunity for nudity, and you come in and change that role, then you're taking that opportunity away from other people who could have appreciated doing it the way it was intended.
Guilty of Perversion
Yet another treatise on nudism and sexuality, and the psychological harm that nudism's appeal to sexual purity does amidst a wider culture that stigmatizes and shames people for their sexual feelings. It's weird, and a little disheartening, to read me complaining about the same things ten years ago, knowing that nothing significant has changed (other than my own confidence, I guess). So if I get a little frustrated sometimes, you'll have to forgive me.
Awakening
This is another discussion of sex education and teen sex, but from the novel approach of my own youthful experiences. I will never forget the feeling of lying naked in bed with my girlfriend as a teenager in high school, and thinking, "what is so broken in this world, that this experience which is so beautiful" - and we weren't even technically having sex! - "is treated so harshly and with so much fear?"
Death Sound Blues
As an unconventional thinker, and someone who's fascinated with the topic of sexual desire, sometimes I like to perform thought experiments about socially-reprehensible fetishes, in an attempt to discover whether it is possible (and ethical) for persons who discover that they have these fetishes - through no choice of their own - to 1) have a positive self-concept (I'm already convinced that having such a fetish doesn't short-circuit one's humanity), and 2) attain sexual satisfaction (whether or not that's limited to one's fantasy life alone). It's easy to think of problematic fetishists as some scary other that's better off not existing, but is it really fair to say that there are some people whose lives simply don't matter? God forbid you should ever find yourself in that position, but what can we learn by exploring what that might be like? I just think that's a better approach than knee-jerk condemnation. I don't always feel comfortable sharing these thought experiments (for obvious reasons), but I thought this one was exceptionally well written - it really commits to its premise. I only wish it had kept on going, instead of ending abruptly (I don't know, ultimately, where I was headed, or if there was really anywhere to go). And I know it's up to you to decide whether you trust me or not, but as a disclaimer, I want to state unequivocally that I do not experience any necrophiliac tendencies. This is all purely hypothetical.
Obscenity (noun)
This post may be a little rough, but it's a fairly decent point-by-point takedown of the Miller Test which is used to identify obscenity, a bizarre legal concept that singularly discriminates against sexual expression, and is as unconstitutional as it is inexplicably tolerated by both the government and the public alike.
Sex as Rebellion
It's hard to talk about sex openly when you fear people making snap judgments - especially in the realm of fantasy where the imagination thrills to wander. In this post I explore the appeal of transgressing taboos, and the distinction between fantasy and reality, inspired by comments I saw while browsing photos on flickr.
---
Damn! There were a lot more than I anticipated. It was fun going back through these unposted drafts, though. I feel good having the opportunity to give them new life. I hope it was worth it.
In the course of porting my blog to a SFW Mirror, I've been looking back through the history of this blog, and I've come across some (actually, lots of) unposted drafts that may be of interest. Some of them are indeed a jumble of unfinished thoughts, but others appear to be more or less ready for publication. Perhaps I intended to revise them at a later date and simply forgot, or wanted to add further thoughts that I never got around to formulating. Some of them lack satisfying concluding paragraphs. Others may have been held back due to the inclusion of sensitive topics, or to spare the target of my frustrations. But they are well-written articulations of my thoughts, and I think they deserve to be read, at least as much as anything else I've published on this blog. I've backdated them to the time of their writing (as everything I write is a product of my thought processes at the time I put them down), but since I don't want them to be completely overlooked, I'm providing links here. These posts are listed in reverse chronological order (getting older as you go down the list), with entries from nearly every year going back to within a year of the blog's start.
Exhibitionism al Dente
From about a year and a half ago, this essay is a crystallization of my frustrations dealing with "the nudist community" online (especially on Twitter and Reddit), with their overly judgmental, sex-negative attitudes. It's rather long, and while I was trying to write it in an academic style, maybe it comes off as being overwrought (it didn't test well). In any case, it has some good points to make.
Fixation
This is a short treatise on the side-effects of body acceptance, and what happens when tolerance of diversity turns around and begins to discriminate against what is (or used to be) popular. It's not a very PC perspective these days, but it's one that I stand behind (and reflects the foundational principle of this blog, which is being truthful about what you find beautiful).
Social Nudity and Consent
This post is a bit long, and lacks a satisfying conclusion, but it's a good discussion of a controversial subject that bothers me, relating to some nudists' assertion that you must acquire a person's consent before appearing before them unclothed. Personally, I think that makes nudity sound like a sex act, which is counter to the nudist ethos, but I have more to say at the link.
Closing the Season
Wistful ruminations on a season of social nudism ending leads to another discussion about the controversial subject of finding nudity (especially that of young bodies) visually appealing, and how that conflicts with the pristine public image of nudism.
Naked Public Dares
I no doubt withheld this post originally because I had less than nice things to say about the type of "nudist exhibitionist" who is preoccupied with sharing pictures of him/herself, despite not being the sort of person others typically want to see naked. I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just trying to be honest with my feelings - not solely as an exhibitionist, but as an aesthetic artist. I'm posting it now, since the original link is dead, providing some measure of distance from the target(s) of my comments.
Sexual Safety vs. Sexual Liberty
I've probably articulated this opinion elsewhere, but this is a pretty good writeup of my frustrations with so-called "sex-positive feminism", which in my opinion often seems to be more sex-negative than I'd like.
Outfit of the Day (#ootd)
This was a simple #ootd (outfit of the day) post that turned into a long ramble about the frustrations of fashion while being transgender. I had to go through and parse it into paragraphs to make it readable.
Sex-Positive Education
This is, I believe, a solid post about sex education in the context of teaching your kids from a sex-positive perspective. Teaching kids about sex is an incredibly controversial subject, all the more so when what you're suggesting they learn is positive things and not the usual scare tactics. Which is unfortunate, because it's a critically important subject, and kids are left vulnerable to being harmed in any number of ways when they don't get the right messages from the right people at the right times in their lives.
Let's Talk About Pubic Hair
Pubic hair grooming habits are a weirdly controversial subject, but they're also highly particular. I have preferences, but my opinion is that "to each their own". That's probably why I never published this post. But in hindsight, I guess it doesn't hurt for me to weigh in on the debate. Also, I feel like lots of hate is thrown toward both ends of the spectrum - "smooth" and "bushy" - with the ubiquitous "landing strip" being accepted as the norm, while my opinion is the opposite: I think the landing strip looks ridiculous, and I'd prefer either extreme to it.
Freedom and Anarchy
This is a pretty fascinating stream of consciousness that starts with me considering my position on the legality of public nudity and then detours into a thought experiment on progressivism that explores the limits of freedom and the righteousness of imperialism. It doesn't really end up anywhere in particular, but it's quite good (if I may say so myself) while it's going.
Try A Little Tenderness & Revenging
Being sex-positive often entails becoming the devil's advocate, because the anti-sex crowd (I like to call it "the forces of chastity", after the tagline to the movie about Kinsey) will use any means to drive a wedge into our sexual freedoms. Nobody wants to be seen as the bad guy, but we have to be vigilant every time our freedoms are curtailed, or pretty soon we'll find that we have none left. "Revenge porn" was apparently in vogue in 2015, and I never dove fully into the subject at the time due to its sensitive nature. I understand that not everybody thinks the way that I do, but the very concept of "revenge porn" bothers me precisely because porn can only be used as blackmail if you're ashamed of it, and porn isn't something we should be ashamed of. So, instead of giving prudes more ammunition against porn, we can render revenge porn completely powerless by doing something we should already be doing anyway - accepting and acknowledging our sexual natures.
The "Social Psychology" of Sexting
A short reply to an article on sexting, which straddles the line between making the mistake that everybody makes - assuming there's something wrong with sexting to begin with - and focusing on the real problem, which is the violation of privacy that occurs when those photos are hacked.
Both Sides Now
Dunno why this one never got posted - it's a quite good exploration of the phenomenon of being a model and an exhibitionist, and the value of receiving sexual compliments from people you aren't necessarily going to be reciprocally attracted to. Something I remember writing about (again) just a couple years ago.
Realest Tumblr Posts About Being A Woman
I would hazard a guess that I refrained from posting this due to concerns over expressing an opinion about "being a woman" (considering that I wasn't born one), but to hell with that. I'm entitled to my own opinions, too. Sadly, though the original article is available, all the linked posts (which include the relevant quotes) are gone (remember Tumblr? Me neither, lol), so you'll just have to guess what they said via the context of my replies. In fact, it adds a little mystery!
The Recurring Problem of Sexualizing Nudism
This is a fairly long treatise on the popular problem of people sexualizing nudism (and why I think nudists make more of it than they should - which is to say that, people should be allowed to fantasize about nudism in a sexual context, as long as there are nudists around to remind people that this fantasy does not reflect reality). It kind of fizzles out at the end, but I've appended an additional snippet from another draft that dovetails amazingly well with where the first discussion ended up.
Fantasy vs. Desire
I have no desire to pretend that I don't have dark sexual fantasies sometimes - although in truth it's not a place I go to frequently. Still, there is an inherent vulnerability in admitting that. I have no idea what the fantasy was that inspired this post, all these years later, and actually, I think it's better that way. It's important that we don't become defined by the most extreme limits our imaginations permit themselves to go to.
A Brief Guide to Slut-Shaming
This is a short exploration of different examples of varying degrees of slut-shaming. I'm not generally in favor of the use of trigger warnings, but if you're sensitive to the topic of sexual abuse, you might want to avoid this post. If, however, you don't take it seriously, I think it's actually a little humorous, in a darkly comedic way.
Correlating Homophobia with Transphobia
This post explores an observation I've had about the correlation between homophobia and transphobia, as a result of the confusion between sex, gender, and orientation. It ends with a humorous scenario that I think perfectly illustrates the point.
Business and Pleasure
This is a pretty interesting hypothetical discussion about doing porn - in a more professional sense than I've done (although I think the standards are changing, in this post-OnlyFans world - and that's a good thing). Few things annoy me more than when pundits and their puppets cite the problems in The Industry (r) and use it to stain the very medium of sexual expression on the whole. Like as if porn is a unique case and it's not the very soul of capitalism that's "degrading". I support reform over abolition.
National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month
Teen pregnancy is one of those weird issues, where I kinda agree it's not a great idea (but it's not always a bad idea, either), but methods and approaches toward the issue are either muddled or completely misguided. At the end of the day, it's a choice a person has to make for themself, whether we agree with it or not. But apart from pretending we know what's best for another person, the emphasis needs to be on education and making contraception more widely available. The worst threat in the "problem" of teen pregnancy isn't teens having sex, it's religious conservatives getting in the way of teens 1) having access to contraception, and 2) learning to appreciate it.
Shit Girls Say About Sex
This is a reactionary piece to a magazine article I read that's designed to function as sex education for teens (specifically, girls). Actually, it wasn't a bad article, but I'm fond of niggling over minor details (and I apparently had a lot to say about contraception, peer pressure, and the institution of virginity). In re-reading the post, I thought that it was unfinished, but I dug out the article in question, and it's actually shorter than I imagined.
Chastity as Purity
I can see how this post could be read as sour grapes over an actress refusing to appear topless in a movie, but really, it's about our attitudes to nudity and how we treat people who show off their bodies. I don't want anyone to feel pressure to do anything they're uncomfortable with, but if there's a role that provides an opportunity for nudity, and you come in and change that role, then you're taking that opportunity away from other people who could have appreciated doing it the way it was intended.
Guilty of Perversion
Yet another treatise on nudism and sexuality, and the psychological harm that nudism's appeal to sexual purity does amidst a wider culture that stigmatizes and shames people for their sexual feelings. It's weird, and a little disheartening, to read me complaining about the same things ten years ago, knowing that nothing significant has changed (other than my own confidence, I guess). So if I get a little frustrated sometimes, you'll have to forgive me.
Awakening
This is another discussion of sex education and teen sex, but from the novel approach of my own youthful experiences. I will never forget the feeling of lying naked in bed with my girlfriend as a teenager in high school, and thinking, "what is so broken in this world, that this experience which is so beautiful" - and we weren't even technically having sex! - "is treated so harshly and with so much fear?"
Death Sound Blues
As an unconventional thinker, and someone who's fascinated with the topic of sexual desire, sometimes I like to perform thought experiments about socially-reprehensible fetishes, in an attempt to discover whether it is possible (and ethical) for persons who discover that they have these fetishes - through no choice of their own - to 1) have a positive self-concept (I'm already convinced that having such a fetish doesn't short-circuit one's humanity), and 2) attain sexual satisfaction (whether or not that's limited to one's fantasy life alone). It's easy to think of problematic fetishists as some scary other that's better off not existing, but is it really fair to say that there are some people whose lives simply don't matter? God forbid you should ever find yourself in that position, but what can we learn by exploring what that might be like? I just think that's a better approach than knee-jerk condemnation. I don't always feel comfortable sharing these thought experiments (for obvious reasons), but I thought this one was exceptionally well written - it really commits to its premise. I only wish it had kept on going, instead of ending abruptly (I don't know, ultimately, where I was headed, or if there was really anywhere to go). And I know it's up to you to decide whether you trust me or not, but as a disclaimer, I want to state unequivocally that I do not experience any necrophiliac tendencies. This is all purely hypothetical.
Obscenity (noun)
This post may be a little rough, but it's a fairly decent point-by-point takedown of the Miller Test which is used to identify obscenity, a bizarre legal concept that singularly discriminates against sexual expression, and is as unconstitutional as it is inexplicably tolerated by both the government and the public alike.
Sex as Rebellion
It's hard to talk about sex openly when you fear people making snap judgments - especially in the realm of fantasy where the imagination thrills to wander. In this post I explore the appeal of transgressing taboos, and the distinction between fantasy and reality, inspired by comments I saw while browsing photos on flickr.
---
Damn! There were a lot more than I anticipated. It was fun going back through these unposted drafts, though. I feel good having the opportunity to give them new life. I hope it was worth it.
Thursday, September 1, 2022
Trans Life Hack - Bikini Bottoms
If you're like me, you love wearing women's bikinis. But you probably encounter a frequent problem. In most standard bikini bottoms (that is to say, ones that are not thongs), the back panel is larger than the front panel, just because a woman's typically got more to cover in the back. Now, if you've got male anatomy, you're going to run into a problem, where the tiny triangle of material in the front just doesn't adequately contain you. Sometimes the sides come down too narrow and your balls hang out. Other times, the low cut, coupled with the stress of your bulge, leaves a conspicuous gap between the top of the suit and your skin, creating a dangerous peekaboo effect that is most obvious from the perspective of anybody standing directly in front of you at eye level.
[description: a man stands outdoors in a black, flower-patterned bikini bottom with ruffles]
Well, there is an easy fix for this problem that will have you out on the beach in your bikini in no time, and it requires no tucking at all! All you have to do is just rotate your bikini bottom and wear it backwards! The fuller back will now be more than adequate at containing your bulge. Plus, as an added bonus, the smaller front will now effectively act as a thong! You can be sexy, and street legal! (Provided thongs are street legal where you're at - although if you look at what women are wearing these days, in my experience, it's de facto accepted even where there are rules against it).
[description: the bikini bottom is worn backwards, for fuller coverage in the front than back]
How great is that? Now get out there and have some fun in the sun!
[description: a man stands outdoors in a black, flower-patterned bikini bottom with ruffles]
Well, there is an easy fix for this problem that will have you out on the beach in your bikini in no time, and it requires no tucking at all! All you have to do is just rotate your bikini bottom and wear it backwards! The fuller back will now be more than adequate at containing your bulge. Plus, as an added bonus, the smaller front will now effectively act as a thong! You can be sexy, and street legal! (Provided thongs are street legal where you're at - although if you look at what women are wearing these days, in my experience, it's de facto accepted even where there are rules against it).
[description: the bikini bottom is worn backwards, for fuller coverage in the front than back]
How great is that? Now get out there and have some fun in the sun!
Wednesday, August 31, 2022
Treading Water
So, I've been shooting a lot of content lately. That probably sounds like a good thing to you, and it's not unusual for me during the summer, when the weather's nice and I'm active and feeling inspired. But let me give you an idea of what I'm dealing with here. When Patreon fired me this spring, it put a wrench in my production and distribution line, just as I was starting to catch up on unreleased content from last fall. Much of that is still unprocessed and unposted, along with a lot of stuff from this spring and early summer, as I was continuing to create even without an outlet, before repurposing my OnlyFans account [NSFW] from "salacious content only" to a sort of catch-all.
At the start of August I made the determination to return to the practice of processing everything I produce in a methodical and organized manner, preparing it for release. I've been posting material, on average, every other day since the start of the month, which is a pretty brisk pace for me. Over four weeks later, at the end of the month, I am literally - and this is not an exaggeration - still processing photos and videos from just the third day of the month. The third day. It's insane! And there's so much other great material I've taken in these past four weeks that I haven't even gotten to yet, not to mention everything from last month through the spring and back to last fall that hasn't been shared yet.
I don't know what to do but keep plodding along, even as I continue to produce more material almost daily. (Shooting is much more fun than processing). I should be happy that I'll have enough of a harvest to carry me through the less active winter months (and then some, perhaps), but the truth is, I don't like the feeling of barely treading water. And though the passage of time does sometimes bring perspective, I'd prefer to share the fruits of my labors while the excitement of producing them is still fresh. (Also, it's awkward posting fall photos in the spring, or summer photos in the winter).
On the other hand, if I'm not producing a lot of material - to the point that I have a backlog to lean on in times of famine - I get anxious about the steady inflow of content drying up, facing the threat of losing subscribers and once again having to pour my blood, sweat, and tears into creating art pro bono, instead of for gas money (which I guess is about all I'm good for). This is not helped by OnlyFans "reminding" me if I go so many days without posting - as if unlimited access to over a hundred videos and over a thousand photos (and counting) isn't worth five bucks a month if I'm not constantly producing new material.
In other words, I just can't win either way. But I guess it's good to be busy, and to have that driving force of motivation lighting a fire under my ass, than to get too comfortable and become complacent. Even the depression that came in the wake of Patreon's mishandling of me couldn't snuff out my passion for creating nude art, as I holed up in a hotel room for a week to escape the stresses of my life, and did nothing but play retro video games, watch cult classic b-movies, and take naked photos of myself all day long.
[description: six naked clones lounge around a hotel room engaged in various activities]
[description: a nude figure floats face down in a lake next to some rocks]
At least I no longer have to parse whether every photo I take is "simply nude" or erotic.
At least I no longer have to parse whether every photo I take is "simply nude" or erotic.
At the start of August I made the determination to return to the practice of processing everything I produce in a methodical and organized manner, preparing it for release. I've been posting material, on average, every other day since the start of the month, which is a pretty brisk pace for me. Over four weeks later, at the end of the month, I am literally - and this is not an exaggeration - still processing photos and videos from just the third day of the month. The third day. It's insane! And there's so much other great material I've taken in these past four weeks that I haven't even gotten to yet, not to mention everything from last month through the spring and back to last fall that hasn't been shared yet.
I don't know what to do but keep plodding along, even as I continue to produce more material almost daily. (Shooting is much more fun than processing). I should be happy that I'll have enough of a harvest to carry me through the less active winter months (and then some, perhaps), but the truth is, I don't like the feeling of barely treading water. And though the passage of time does sometimes bring perspective, I'd prefer to share the fruits of my labors while the excitement of producing them is still fresh. (Also, it's awkward posting fall photos in the spring, or summer photos in the winter).
On the other hand, if I'm not producing a lot of material - to the point that I have a backlog to lean on in times of famine - I get anxious about the steady inflow of content drying up, facing the threat of losing subscribers and once again having to pour my blood, sweat, and tears into creating art pro bono, instead of for gas money (which I guess is about all I'm good for). This is not helped by OnlyFans "reminding" me if I go so many days without posting - as if unlimited access to over a hundred videos and over a thousand photos (and counting) isn't worth five bucks a month if I'm not constantly producing new material.
In other words, I just can't win either way. But I guess it's good to be busy, and to have that driving force of motivation lighting a fire under my ass, than to get too comfortable and become complacent. Even the depression that came in the wake of Patreon's mishandling of me couldn't snuff out my passion for creating nude art, as I holed up in a hotel room for a week to escape the stresses of my life, and did nothing but play retro video games, watch cult classic b-movies, and take naked photos of myself all day long.
[description: six naked clones lounge around a hotel room engaged in various activities]
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
Tweets For Posterity (Volume 7)
I thought I was out, but they pulled me back in! (lol)
I've actually pivoted away from arguing with nudists on Twitter (mostly), but I went back to using the platform to promote my art (and writing), and lately I've been connecting with other artists in the nude genre, which is pretty cool. In the meantime, I've still been posting snippets of insight and what I would like to think is wisdom, so I want to continue to preserve that here on my blog.
Previous volumes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
A penis pointing toward heaven is a beautiful affirmation of life. It should be a divine symbol, really. What have generations of boorish men done to besmirch this holy appendage, and why do I have to pay for their sins?
If it's true that a picture speaks a thousand words, then your thousand-word essay against the pornification of society can be summarily defeated by the publication of a single erotic image. And I can produce these images faster than you can write your essays.
A man cannot control his erections. But that does not mean he is controlled by them. You can hold a man accountable for his behaviors without condemning the feelings he can't control. Many of us handle those feelings just fine.
Selling nude photography isn't antithetical to #nudism. Some people are so inspired by the human body, that they want to make it their career. These people are MORE #nudist than the weekend campers, not less. If it's anti-nudist to charge for nudity, then explain nudist resorts.
I pity those who cannot look at a naked body and experience - without shame or denial or self-loathing - the natural Beauty and pure joy of Eros that bubbles at the core of human being. It's okay to be sexually stimulated by the human form.
I support nonsexual nudism, but I will block sex-negative accounts. Their erotophobic views are toxic, and their holders are frequently hypocrites. I enjoy nudity for its positive vibes, whether erotic or not. I'm not threatened by the prospect of physical pleasure.
Categorization is an exercise for the academic. An artist must follow his instincts. Whether it's nudism, pornography, or something in between, it makes no difference to me - as long as it reflects the transcendent splendor of the human body.
"Free-range nudism" carries the risk of public indecency, and spoiling textiles against nudity as much as normalizing it, but on the list of common vices, is a little naked mischief really such a horrible way to add spice and adventure to your life?
I get that taste is subjective, and I wouldn't say this about every erotic image I've produced, but there is a beauty to eroticism that I don't think is vulgar, and is worthy of broader admiration (if we didn't live in a sex-negative society). Whether or not it's to your personal taste, nudity and eroticism (both) can be depicted tastefully (whether implicitly or explicitly), and I simply feel that the world is a better place with these images available, than it would be with them kept hidden away. Don't like? Don't look. But don't prevent others from satisfying their curiosity.
I know a nature preserve where swimming and alcohol are explicitly forbidden. People swim there all the time, and it's littered with beer cans. If these people can be so shameless, then why should I be afraid to enjoy the preserve the way nature intends - au naturel?
When meeting others on the trail - in theory, one should act naturally. But one may not always feel safe revealing oneself, and others may consider such an encounter to be upsetting. Laws and cultures vary; the situation is not as straightforward as some would like to believe.
It's no wonder the term "gymnophobia" is more well-established than "gymnophilia" - we can't even agree whether it refers to platonic or erotic love. But what about "gymnophoria" - that giddy feeling of freedom and happiness you get from being unshackled from your clothes?
The world loves to see sex workers jump through an endless series of demeaning hoops, just to prove that yes, we have the capacity to consent and really really want to do this, because in most people's minds, it's the most horrible thing imaginable. Celebrating human sexuality and eroticism through artistic photography, in a process that boosts my confidence and self-esteem, while sharing positive vibes with strangers across the globe, bringing me satisfaction and a sense of charitable purpose is NOT a horrible thing.
I'm not frustrated that I live in a country where people are free to argue against vaccines and wearing masks. That's actually one of this country's strengths. I'm just frustrated that so many people are dumb enough to think these arguments represent sound judgment. Maybe we'd all be safer if we gave up our freedoms to account for those not responsible enough to exercise them. But wouldn't it be great if we were all responsible enough to deserve those freedoms? Still, your freedom to harbor dangerous germs ends at the air I have to breathe.
I miss interacting with people who share my opinions on nudism, but isolating myself from that constant barrage of sex-negativity has done wonders for my mental health. It's exhausting constantly evaluating the erotic content of nudity instead of just letting nudes be nudes.
I'm the first person to say that no movement or community should be above internal review and constructive criticism. It just pisses me off when people waste so much energy arguing with other people that are supposed to be on the same side. Whether it's nudists judging nudists for having a sex life, trans people calling trans rights activists TERFs for using the wrong vocabulary, or sex positive individuals legitimizing the claims of moral conservatives. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
We're force fed a particular narrative about sex work - that it's naive or disadvantaged women selling their bodies to predatory men as a last resort. Without denying that this can happen, the ubiquitousness of this stereotype is problematic at best (from a feminist, sex-positive standpoint), and does a disservice to the colorful variety of people who engage in a colorful variety of sex work for a colorful variety of reasons. It's not fair to tar them all with the same brush.
The disproportionate "sexualization" of female characters isn't necessarily an argument against sexualization. It can actually be an argument for MORE sexualization - of male characters. Which I support. One of the great things about fiction is that you can ignore the practical considerations of reality. Going for realism is one thing, but one of my favorite things about fantasy is the ability to put characters in ridiculously awesome (and sexy) outfits. It's a good thing. And if men are statistically more aroused by visual stimuli than women, leading to a higher visiblity of "sexualized" women in pop culture, I fail to see how recognizing that and indulging it is inherently problematic. If sexualized images of women cause uncivilized men to act inhumanely, the problem isn't sexualized images (that's victim blaming), or what civilized men do with them. The problem is the men who treat women poorly, just because their body parts are showing.
I don't know exactly what everybody means every time they use the term "objectification", but what I think it implies, and what I understand to be the problem, is people treating other people as sexual objects instead of human beings. But here's why I don't like the term. Contrary to dehumanizing stereotypes about men's sexuality, having sexual thoughts or feelings doesn't short-circuit your ability to recognize that what you're attracted to is a person and not an object. After all, most people ARE attracted to people, not objects. But complaints about objectification so frequently focus not on behavior, but appearances. It's not about what men are doing, but what women are wearing. That we blame the men for "putting" women in those outfits, and not the women themselves, doesn't change the fact that we're condemning women's freedom to look sexy for men, and men's freedom to enjoy it when they do, in lieu of teaching men to treat the women who turn them on with respect. Positive sexuality is NOT preventing women from wearing hot pants in public. What the term "objectification" seems to imply is that to have sexual thoughts or feelings about another person is intrinsically dehumanizing. This is the kind of sex-negative view you would expect to hear from radical man-hating "feminazis". Why, then, is it so popular? I believe you can wear a sexy outfit and still be a human being; that you can appreciate another person in a sexy outfit and still recognize their humanity; and that the problem is not women in sexy outfits, it's men thinking it's okay to disrespect women in those outfits.
We place a stigma on "pleasure" that "joy" and "happiness" don't have. It's rooted in religious superstition - that a focus on the flesh is a distraction from the spirit. But why is feeling good bad? In life, we must endure pain; we should be permitted to enjoy pleasure.
Shooting men nude vs. women is different - but not really. If you're creating beautiful art, and an erection occurs, it doesn't arbitrarily become not beautiful, or not art. Showing what men desire may be a cliché, but showing that desire is still taboo in the art world.
I'm obsessed with women's swimwear, jealous of how accepted it is, and frustrated by the assumptions people make when I attempt to wear something similar. I just don't think it's a foregone conclusion that all men look ridiculous in skimpy swimsuits.
Sidestepping the question of why, I shoot nudes because it's a subject that intrigues me more than any other. Nothing fires my inspiration the way nudity does. Nude photography is fun, meaningful, and rewarding. I'm an artist because I like to shoot nudes, and not vice versa.
The "trafficking" scare is as brilliant as it is insidious. By equating sex work with people being kidnapped and raped, how could you possibly argue for it? Which is exactly the point. Make your opponent's position indefensible by any rhetorical means possible.
The bottom line is this: the human body astonishes me. Whether because it is a geometric marvel, or due to sexual conditioning (can't it be both?), is a question for the academic. But does it matter, when the presence of the latter doesn't diminish but enhances that astonishment?
My biggest resentment over the Patreon fiasco isn't having differing opinions of what's fair and just. It's that nobody talked to me like a human being. Even when the other party doesn't agree, people have a psychological need to feel like their side of the story is being heard. But what's worse than insincerity is the hollow illusion of sincerity. I honestly would've been less insulted if I'd been contacted by Compliance Bot, and simply told to fall in line or face deletion, without hope of appeal (because there is no appeal - that's just an illusion). But instead, they give their compliance bots names like "Ariel", put them on a team called "Trust & Safety", and teach them to speak in platitudes, wishing you "all the best" as they rip your guts out. This is exactly what George Orwell warned us against, people.
I'm struggling to remain relevant as the internet continues to evolve. But photography is about freezing moments in time, which I feel is contrary to social media's emphasis on endless streams of content. Fine art is created to be studied, not consumed.
Hypocrisy is another look I don't like for nudism, which should stand for truth and transparency. Yet nudists will argue left and right that nudity is 100% natural, then turn around and act like sex was invented by the devil. So unappealingly old testament. I'm also baffled by how narrow people's open-mindedness can be. You're in a small minority of people who have penetrated the taboo surrounding nudity, and yet you lack the imagination to see how a more positive attitude towards sex could improve society?
You can sexualize an outfit. You can sexualize an object. You can sexualize an action, or a comment. Because these things are all up to interpretation. But you cannot sexualize a person, because humans are already fundamentally sexual beings. And that's all natural, baby.
If your only context for sex-positivity is "letting perverts get away with creepy behavior", then you're engaging in confirmation bias, and you need to confront your hang-ups about sex. Sexual anarchy isn't the only alternative to shame and repression.
The idea that women's bodies are objectively more appealing than men's is toxic garbage (especially coming from a straight male). And I used to believe it, too. The male gaze just places more pressure on women to look good. But this is an obstacle that can be overcome.
I was thinking about what sex-positive nudist advocacy should look like, and the truth is, it isn't any different from regular nudist advocacy. You don't need to add any kind of sexual element. You just have to refrain from making those statements that are blatantly sex-negative.
I don't think tastefully erotic images should be treated as porn. They're artistic, and beautiful. If something is so broken in your mind that these images disturb you, then you should seek therapy before I'm ever censored or ostracized for sharing them. #therapynotcensorship
Kinsey discovered about 75 years ago that sexuality is on a spectrum. Fight me if you want, but I think everyone is at least 1% bisexual. It's okay to have strong preferences (I have them, too), but sexuality is fluid, stimulation is stimulation, and labels can be cloistering.
I get that exhibitionism can be confusing. Standing naked in doors and windows excites me, yet I don't actually want to disturb or alarm anyone. I just wish people would talk to exhibitionists before forming opinions about them, and not judge us all by the behaviors of some.
I feel tremendous pressure to conform to gender stereotypes (whether male or female) when using a public restroom, and as a gender fluid individual, this causes me great distress. Where are the queer-friendly facilities for unconventionals who just need to do their business?
I pity those who are incapable of seeing sexual expression as anything other than exploitation, like looking at the sun and seeing only the destructive power of its fire, and not the light and warmth that gives life to this planet. But I pity them only to a point, because their repressive views are stifling, and commit harm under the hypocritical banner of concern. Like snuffing out the sun, and dooming all life to wither and die, while calling yourself a savior.
"Sexualization" is a complaint that arises from a discrepancy of intent versus interpretation. The implication is that one can help what one finds sexy, when the real issue is a matter of decorum: how one reacts to such thoughts given what is appropriate in that context.
I like to apply an intellectual approach to the academically overlooked subject of human sexuality, and I feel like that puts me in a unique position to provide poignant insights, yet I often feel like I get treated as the dork who brings a text book to an orgy.
What I bring to the art I create is an acknowledgement and celebration of the psychological impact of the human form, aesthetically and erotically. I endeavor to manufacture, in isolation, instants of beauty like we sometimes encounter in life, but are not nearly common enough.
I feel like wider acceptance of queer identities is at least partly due to more exposure to real queer people, as opposed to the fear-driven stereotypes we'd previously been fed. Turns out queer people are really cool, if you take the time to actually get to know them.
As a nudist, another thing I like to do is capture images of everyday activities, performed in the nude. Opinions vary on the validity of photographing a lifestyle that decries voyeurism, but I'm not here to judge. I just like to create images that I personally find interesting.
Taking a peek at r/nudism, my stance on exhibitionism as it relates to nudism is simply this. I want there to be a middle ground between condemning public sex on a nude beach, and treating wearing swim briefs on textile beaches as detrimental to the nudist cause. I just think nudists can be so frustratingly uptight, puritanical, judgmental, and dogmatic sometimes. You can be a nudist and still enjoy the human experience of physical attraction, without it being an excuse to engage in sexually explicit behaviors in public!
As an artist locked into a lifelong battle with censorship, I'm not just frustrated, but actually offended that "free speech" ever became a rallying cry for conservatives. Free speech is for standing up and asserting radically progressive notions that threaten the dominant power structure, like "my body, my choice", "black lives matter", "love is love", "transwomen are women", and "sex work is work".
Nudism can be very dogmatic, and I think we should normalize it being okay to have beliefs that go against the grain, without it putting your nudist cred in jeopardy. Nudists are individuals, not a hive mind, but sometimes they sound like fanatics chanting in unison. Ex: this notion that everybody is beautiful and skin is an outfit that always fits. Not to be rude, but I don't actually believe that. It's a utopian ideal, and I recognize its rhetorical purpose, but I don't like clinging to desperate illusions. Did I mention I'm an atheist?
I'm a purist who thinks mermaids should always be topless, and fairies and elves should be naked. Typical human projection, to assume other species would have the same hangups about our bodies we do, when in reality, we're the only species on the planet that wears clothes.
It's a confusing experience, being called an exhibitionist by nudists, then browsing public sex and literal pornography pictures that are labeled as "nudism" and finding that I agree with the nudists' opinion that this is outrageous. But that's why we need a middle ground. For the record, I support these kinds of pictures, but I would never label them as "nudist". THAT's the part that I find offensive. But I also recognize a sort of fantasy being depicted - an alternate reality where nudism is hot naked people having sex in front of each other. It's kind of like how pornography sexualizes delivery persons, except I acknowledge that nudism has more to lose from this misrepresentation. I THINK IT'S OKAY TO CRITICIZE THIS USAGE of the label "nudism", but that doesn't justify a widespread regime of shame and judgment.
The truth is, I like pornography. But my heart's not in it. My heart's in producing art. I just want to be able to make art without arbitrary limits on eroticism. But society is telling me, if you want to create erotic art, then we're not gonna let you be an artist. You have to do pornography. Because of the stigma. So maybe spreading my legs is just what I have to do to fund my art. But don't pretend that it's not the prudes who are actively driving people INTO sex work with their shame and judgment.
It's horrifying, sometimes, watching old movie stereotypes of queer people. Humans are amazingly bad at contextualizing what they don't understand. Like, a guy dressed up as a woman? He must literally be a homicidal maniac who wasn't even loved by his own mother...
To be fair, it's rarely appropriate to ask a woman to take her clothes off. But it takes a special kind of creep to consider how a woman is dressed (or not), and demand that she "put some clothes on". I will never understand or respect that mentality.
I, too, like looking at naked women more than men. But in my journey as an artist, I've learned to appreciate the male form, too. I like when artists talk about nude art in a way that doesn't distinguish sex, especially when they're conscious of not being reduced to porn. Like, I get that our attractions often give form to the beauty we perceive in the human body. "We artists cannot tread the path of Beauty without Eros appointing himself as our guide." It's just that, one sex does not have an objectively more artistic form than the other. I also get that modeling is one of the few fields dominated by women. I have no desire to take that away. But as someone who was not born a woman, I do feel marginalized. All I want is to be acknowledged in a way that doesn't make me feel like my anatomy is a handicap. Like, "men are beautiful, too, but women are just perfect, luminous beings" isn't helping, y'all.
I have an issue with the term "desexualize" especially when used in the context of nudity. I think it confuses more than it clarifies. I agree that NOT "all nudity is sexual", but I do not believe that all "sexualized" nudity is bad. If you were to create a Venn diagram, there would be an intersection between the circles for nudity and sexuality. They are two separate concepts that can exist independently. But sometimes they overlap, and that's okay. It's a good thing, even.
I've been an artist for well over a decade, and I've never gotten over the feeling of emptiness you get after releasing a piece of art to the world. If you're lucky, you get a handful of likes and comments, which is always great. But then what? It just fades into obscurity? I'm not saying the creation of the art work isn't gratifying in and of itself. That's why I'm still doing this all these years later, even though it doesn't pay the bills. But I feel like art deserves a life beyond that initial share, and I don't know how to give it that. It feels narcissistic to say, "I want people to talk about my art." But my art is my voice. It's a form of self-expression. I WANT it to start conversations. You don't share yourself on social media without wanting attention, even if sometimes you're scared of getting it.
"Every Body Is Beautiful" - this is one of those cult-like things nudists often say. Maybe some of them even believe it. But it's okay to think some bodies are more beautiful than others, as long as you treat people with respect REGARDLESS of what they look like. THAT is what nudism is about.
I know I have the excuse of creating art, but let's be honest. Playing in the woods is fun. Climbing trees, splashing in streams. And doing it naked is just that much MORE fun. Am I wrong? And also, have you tried it?
The problem I have with most porn isn't that it's sexually explicit. I don't mind seeing genitalia or witnessing sex acts. The problem is that it's so inartfully expressed. I've seen snapshots of people's dinner plates that make the food look gross because of presentation. I don't care if you have a dildo sticking out of your ass. If you're a person artists would want to take pictures of anyway, and you light that scene and frame that composition, you're good. It's not the subject that's unappealing, it's how it's being presented.
I think a well-rounded individual should seek to expand their range of experiences for a more balanced perspective on life. Being trans gives you unique insights into the ways we socialize gender, by seeing from both sides of the aisle. A lot of things we take for granted as oppressed minorities can be generalized to human nature, and sometimes even applied to what those minorities deem the oppressors. Women are undoubtedly disadvantaged in our society, but men are victims of sexism, too. Conservatives complain that their views are being censored, and it's easy to want to call that out as bullshit, but the truth is, shadow banning is a weapon social media platforms wield without reservation. I'm subject to it as a progressive artist. Going from nudism to the art community, I find it interesting the paradigm shift between demographics of people who are comfortable nude. In nudism, it's the men who always want to get naked and share pictures, and complain that their wives and girlfriends won't join them. But in the art world, you see almost nothing but naked women. To the point that artists sometimes lament the imbalance, and encourage more men, who are statistically more likely to be behind the camera, to get more comfortable being in front of it. I came to art via an uncommon path. I always wanted to shoot women, but I never had any to shoot. So here I am, more visibly in the role of model than photographer (although I do both). And I see the difference. Women get the attention. The likes, the shares, the comments. If you really want to see more men getting comfortable in front of the camera, then you need to start giving attention to the ones who already are. But I don't hold any delusions that naked men will ever be as popular as naked women are. At least, not as long as men hold most of the power in society. Because men may like to get naked, but they'd rather look at naked women. I don't know if women are as interested in seeing naked men, but if they are, it wouldn't be hard for them to find volunteers. And yeah, I know, gay men are a demographic interested in looking at naked men, too. I'm not discounting them, but even if we include the openly bisexual population, they're still a minority and will never balance whatever demand the straight majority has.
Human beings are a social species. They have a tendency to adopt the beliefs of their tribe in order to promote a sense of belonging. As an asocial loner, I have been insulated from this impulse, and that has given me the gift of independent thought.
The world would not fall apart if tomorrow we decided to stop arbitrarily and superstitiously crushing people's spirits for daring to pursue the business of giving people orgasms. And if religion is in any way responsible for this sordid state of affairs, then God should be dragged from the Heavens to stand trial for this atrocity of inhumanity.
Mainstream politics is becoming more radicalized these days. The left is promoting radical tolerance, while the right is promoting radical hate. I'd prefer to stay nonpartisan, but one of these is not like the other. By the way, the difference between ACAB and religious bigotry is conservatives engaging in racially-motivated homocide without consequence versus conservatives denying health care to people who need it. There's a common enemy in both of those circumstances.
I never miss an opportunity to get naked in nature. And no matter how many times I try, I can never adequately describe how it feels. You just have to do it! Wish there wasn't so much stigma surrounding the human body. Putting my clothes back on is always the worst part.
Lizard brain: sees naked body, thinks it's time for sex. Monkey brain: sees naked body, realizes it's just a person in their natural state, and that it's no more time for sex than if you came across somebody clothed. I get the confusion, but let's try not to be lizard brains, ok?
Even as experienced a nudist as I am, the first time back to social nudism after a pandemic-driven hiatus, it struck me how weird it was to be in a place where people are randomly naked. Yet, as always, in very little time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. We need to accept that, despite the irony of how natural it is, nudism presents a significant barrier of entry to a textile-minded public. If only more people were open to trying it, in order to get over that hump. Nudism is an activity that sounds crazy, but feels natural.
I've actually pivoted away from arguing with nudists on Twitter (mostly), but I went back to using the platform to promote my art (and writing), and lately I've been connecting with other artists in the nude genre, which is pretty cool. In the meantime, I've still been posting snippets of insight and what I would like to think is wisdom, so I want to continue to preserve that here on my blog.
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A penis pointing toward heaven is a beautiful affirmation of life. It should be a divine symbol, really. What have generations of boorish men done to besmirch this holy appendage, and why do I have to pay for their sins?
If it's true that a picture speaks a thousand words, then your thousand-word essay against the pornification of society can be summarily defeated by the publication of a single erotic image. And I can produce these images faster than you can write your essays.
A man cannot control his erections. But that does not mean he is controlled by them. You can hold a man accountable for his behaviors without condemning the feelings he can't control. Many of us handle those feelings just fine.
Selling nude photography isn't antithetical to #nudism. Some people are so inspired by the human body, that they want to make it their career. These people are MORE #nudist than the weekend campers, not less. If it's anti-nudist to charge for nudity, then explain nudist resorts.
I pity those who cannot look at a naked body and experience - without shame or denial or self-loathing - the natural Beauty and pure joy of Eros that bubbles at the core of human being. It's okay to be sexually stimulated by the human form.
I support nonsexual nudism, but I will block sex-negative accounts. Their erotophobic views are toxic, and their holders are frequently hypocrites. I enjoy nudity for its positive vibes, whether erotic or not. I'm not threatened by the prospect of physical pleasure.
Categorization is an exercise for the academic. An artist must follow his instincts. Whether it's nudism, pornography, or something in between, it makes no difference to me - as long as it reflects the transcendent splendor of the human body.
"Free-range nudism" carries the risk of public indecency, and spoiling textiles against nudity as much as normalizing it, but on the list of common vices, is a little naked mischief really such a horrible way to add spice and adventure to your life?
I get that taste is subjective, and I wouldn't say this about every erotic image I've produced, but there is a beauty to eroticism that I don't think is vulgar, and is worthy of broader admiration (if we didn't live in a sex-negative society). Whether or not it's to your personal taste, nudity and eroticism (both) can be depicted tastefully (whether implicitly or explicitly), and I simply feel that the world is a better place with these images available, than it would be with them kept hidden away. Don't like? Don't look. But don't prevent others from satisfying their curiosity.
I know a nature preserve where swimming and alcohol are explicitly forbidden. People swim there all the time, and it's littered with beer cans. If these people can be so shameless, then why should I be afraid to enjoy the preserve the way nature intends - au naturel?
When meeting others on the trail - in theory, one should act naturally. But one may not always feel safe revealing oneself, and others may consider such an encounter to be upsetting. Laws and cultures vary; the situation is not as straightforward as some would like to believe.
It's no wonder the term "gymnophobia" is more well-established than "gymnophilia" - we can't even agree whether it refers to platonic or erotic love. But what about "gymnophoria" - that giddy feeling of freedom and happiness you get from being unshackled from your clothes?
The world loves to see sex workers jump through an endless series of demeaning hoops, just to prove that yes, we have the capacity to consent and really really want to do this, because in most people's minds, it's the most horrible thing imaginable. Celebrating human sexuality and eroticism through artistic photography, in a process that boosts my confidence and self-esteem, while sharing positive vibes with strangers across the globe, bringing me satisfaction and a sense of charitable purpose is NOT a horrible thing.
I'm not frustrated that I live in a country where people are free to argue against vaccines and wearing masks. That's actually one of this country's strengths. I'm just frustrated that so many people are dumb enough to think these arguments represent sound judgment. Maybe we'd all be safer if we gave up our freedoms to account for those not responsible enough to exercise them. But wouldn't it be great if we were all responsible enough to deserve those freedoms? Still, your freedom to harbor dangerous germs ends at the air I have to breathe.
I miss interacting with people who share my opinions on nudism, but isolating myself from that constant barrage of sex-negativity has done wonders for my mental health. It's exhausting constantly evaluating the erotic content of nudity instead of just letting nudes be nudes.
I'm the first person to say that no movement or community should be above internal review and constructive criticism. It just pisses me off when people waste so much energy arguing with other people that are supposed to be on the same side. Whether it's nudists judging nudists for having a sex life, trans people calling trans rights activists TERFs for using the wrong vocabulary, or sex positive individuals legitimizing the claims of moral conservatives. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
We're force fed a particular narrative about sex work - that it's naive or disadvantaged women selling their bodies to predatory men as a last resort. Without denying that this can happen, the ubiquitousness of this stereotype is problematic at best (from a feminist, sex-positive standpoint), and does a disservice to the colorful variety of people who engage in a colorful variety of sex work for a colorful variety of reasons. It's not fair to tar them all with the same brush.
The disproportionate "sexualization" of female characters isn't necessarily an argument against sexualization. It can actually be an argument for MORE sexualization - of male characters. Which I support. One of the great things about fiction is that you can ignore the practical considerations of reality. Going for realism is one thing, but one of my favorite things about fantasy is the ability to put characters in ridiculously awesome (and sexy) outfits. It's a good thing. And if men are statistically more aroused by visual stimuli than women, leading to a higher visiblity of "sexualized" women in pop culture, I fail to see how recognizing that and indulging it is inherently problematic. If sexualized images of women cause uncivilized men to act inhumanely, the problem isn't sexualized images (that's victim blaming), or what civilized men do with them. The problem is the men who treat women poorly, just because their body parts are showing.
I don't know exactly what everybody means every time they use the term "objectification", but what I think it implies, and what I understand to be the problem, is people treating other people as sexual objects instead of human beings. But here's why I don't like the term. Contrary to dehumanizing stereotypes about men's sexuality, having sexual thoughts or feelings doesn't short-circuit your ability to recognize that what you're attracted to is a person and not an object. After all, most people ARE attracted to people, not objects. But complaints about objectification so frequently focus not on behavior, but appearances. It's not about what men are doing, but what women are wearing. That we blame the men for "putting" women in those outfits, and not the women themselves, doesn't change the fact that we're condemning women's freedom to look sexy for men, and men's freedom to enjoy it when they do, in lieu of teaching men to treat the women who turn them on with respect. Positive sexuality is NOT preventing women from wearing hot pants in public. What the term "objectification" seems to imply is that to have sexual thoughts or feelings about another person is intrinsically dehumanizing. This is the kind of sex-negative view you would expect to hear from radical man-hating "feminazis". Why, then, is it so popular? I believe you can wear a sexy outfit and still be a human being; that you can appreciate another person in a sexy outfit and still recognize their humanity; and that the problem is not women in sexy outfits, it's men thinking it's okay to disrespect women in those outfits.
We place a stigma on "pleasure" that "joy" and "happiness" don't have. It's rooted in religious superstition - that a focus on the flesh is a distraction from the spirit. But why is feeling good bad? In life, we must endure pain; we should be permitted to enjoy pleasure.
Shooting men nude vs. women is different - but not really. If you're creating beautiful art, and an erection occurs, it doesn't arbitrarily become not beautiful, or not art. Showing what men desire may be a cliché, but showing that desire is still taboo in the art world.
I'm obsessed with women's swimwear, jealous of how accepted it is, and frustrated by the assumptions people make when I attempt to wear something similar. I just don't think it's a foregone conclusion that all men look ridiculous in skimpy swimsuits.
Sidestepping the question of why, I shoot nudes because it's a subject that intrigues me more than any other. Nothing fires my inspiration the way nudity does. Nude photography is fun, meaningful, and rewarding. I'm an artist because I like to shoot nudes, and not vice versa.
The "trafficking" scare is as brilliant as it is insidious. By equating sex work with people being kidnapped and raped, how could you possibly argue for it? Which is exactly the point. Make your opponent's position indefensible by any rhetorical means possible.
The bottom line is this: the human body astonishes me. Whether because it is a geometric marvel, or due to sexual conditioning (can't it be both?), is a question for the academic. But does it matter, when the presence of the latter doesn't diminish but enhances that astonishment?
My biggest resentment over the Patreon fiasco isn't having differing opinions of what's fair and just. It's that nobody talked to me like a human being. Even when the other party doesn't agree, people have a psychological need to feel like their side of the story is being heard. But what's worse than insincerity is the hollow illusion of sincerity. I honestly would've been less insulted if I'd been contacted by Compliance Bot, and simply told to fall in line or face deletion, without hope of appeal (because there is no appeal - that's just an illusion). But instead, they give their compliance bots names like "Ariel", put them on a team called "Trust & Safety", and teach them to speak in platitudes, wishing you "all the best" as they rip your guts out. This is exactly what George Orwell warned us against, people.
I'm struggling to remain relevant as the internet continues to evolve. But photography is about freezing moments in time, which I feel is contrary to social media's emphasis on endless streams of content. Fine art is created to be studied, not consumed.
Hypocrisy is another look I don't like for nudism, which should stand for truth and transparency. Yet nudists will argue left and right that nudity is 100% natural, then turn around and act like sex was invented by the devil. So unappealingly old testament. I'm also baffled by how narrow people's open-mindedness can be. You're in a small minority of people who have penetrated the taboo surrounding nudity, and yet you lack the imagination to see how a more positive attitude towards sex could improve society?
You can sexualize an outfit. You can sexualize an object. You can sexualize an action, or a comment. Because these things are all up to interpretation. But you cannot sexualize a person, because humans are already fundamentally sexual beings. And that's all natural, baby.
If your only context for sex-positivity is "letting perverts get away with creepy behavior", then you're engaging in confirmation bias, and you need to confront your hang-ups about sex. Sexual anarchy isn't the only alternative to shame and repression.
The idea that women's bodies are objectively more appealing than men's is toxic garbage (especially coming from a straight male). And I used to believe it, too. The male gaze just places more pressure on women to look good. But this is an obstacle that can be overcome.
I was thinking about what sex-positive nudist advocacy should look like, and the truth is, it isn't any different from regular nudist advocacy. You don't need to add any kind of sexual element. You just have to refrain from making those statements that are blatantly sex-negative.
I don't think tastefully erotic images should be treated as porn. They're artistic, and beautiful. If something is so broken in your mind that these images disturb you, then you should seek therapy before I'm ever censored or ostracized for sharing them. #therapynotcensorship
Kinsey discovered about 75 years ago that sexuality is on a spectrum. Fight me if you want, but I think everyone is at least 1% bisexual. It's okay to have strong preferences (I have them, too), but sexuality is fluid, stimulation is stimulation, and labels can be cloistering.
I get that exhibitionism can be confusing. Standing naked in doors and windows excites me, yet I don't actually want to disturb or alarm anyone. I just wish people would talk to exhibitionists before forming opinions about them, and not judge us all by the behaviors of some.
I feel tremendous pressure to conform to gender stereotypes (whether male or female) when using a public restroom, and as a gender fluid individual, this causes me great distress. Where are the queer-friendly facilities for unconventionals who just need to do their business?
I pity those who are incapable of seeing sexual expression as anything other than exploitation, like looking at the sun and seeing only the destructive power of its fire, and not the light and warmth that gives life to this planet. But I pity them only to a point, because their repressive views are stifling, and commit harm under the hypocritical banner of concern. Like snuffing out the sun, and dooming all life to wither and die, while calling yourself a savior.
"Sexualization" is a complaint that arises from a discrepancy of intent versus interpretation. The implication is that one can help what one finds sexy, when the real issue is a matter of decorum: how one reacts to such thoughts given what is appropriate in that context.
I like to apply an intellectual approach to the academically overlooked subject of human sexuality, and I feel like that puts me in a unique position to provide poignant insights, yet I often feel like I get treated as the dork who brings a text book to an orgy.
What I bring to the art I create is an acknowledgement and celebration of the psychological impact of the human form, aesthetically and erotically. I endeavor to manufacture, in isolation, instants of beauty like we sometimes encounter in life, but are not nearly common enough.
I feel like wider acceptance of queer identities is at least partly due to more exposure to real queer people, as opposed to the fear-driven stereotypes we'd previously been fed. Turns out queer people are really cool, if you take the time to actually get to know them.
As a nudist, another thing I like to do is capture images of everyday activities, performed in the nude. Opinions vary on the validity of photographing a lifestyle that decries voyeurism, but I'm not here to judge. I just like to create images that I personally find interesting.
Taking a peek at r/nudism, my stance on exhibitionism as it relates to nudism is simply this. I want there to be a middle ground between condemning public sex on a nude beach, and treating wearing swim briefs on textile beaches as detrimental to the nudist cause. I just think nudists can be so frustratingly uptight, puritanical, judgmental, and dogmatic sometimes. You can be a nudist and still enjoy the human experience of physical attraction, without it being an excuse to engage in sexually explicit behaviors in public!
As an artist locked into a lifelong battle with censorship, I'm not just frustrated, but actually offended that "free speech" ever became a rallying cry for conservatives. Free speech is for standing up and asserting radically progressive notions that threaten the dominant power structure, like "my body, my choice", "black lives matter", "love is love", "transwomen are women", and "sex work is work".
Nudism can be very dogmatic, and I think we should normalize it being okay to have beliefs that go against the grain, without it putting your nudist cred in jeopardy. Nudists are individuals, not a hive mind, but sometimes they sound like fanatics chanting in unison. Ex: this notion that everybody is beautiful and skin is an outfit that always fits. Not to be rude, but I don't actually believe that. It's a utopian ideal, and I recognize its rhetorical purpose, but I don't like clinging to desperate illusions. Did I mention I'm an atheist?
I'm a purist who thinks mermaids should always be topless, and fairies and elves should be naked. Typical human projection, to assume other species would have the same hangups about our bodies we do, when in reality, we're the only species on the planet that wears clothes.
It's a confusing experience, being called an exhibitionist by nudists, then browsing public sex and literal pornography pictures that are labeled as "nudism" and finding that I agree with the nudists' opinion that this is outrageous. But that's why we need a middle ground. For the record, I support these kinds of pictures, but I would never label them as "nudist". THAT's the part that I find offensive. But I also recognize a sort of fantasy being depicted - an alternate reality where nudism is hot naked people having sex in front of each other. It's kind of like how pornography sexualizes delivery persons, except I acknowledge that nudism has more to lose from this misrepresentation. I THINK IT'S OKAY TO CRITICIZE THIS USAGE of the label "nudism", but that doesn't justify a widespread regime of shame and judgment.
The truth is, I like pornography. But my heart's not in it. My heart's in producing art. I just want to be able to make art without arbitrary limits on eroticism. But society is telling me, if you want to create erotic art, then we're not gonna let you be an artist. You have to do pornography. Because of the stigma. So maybe spreading my legs is just what I have to do to fund my art. But don't pretend that it's not the prudes who are actively driving people INTO sex work with their shame and judgment.
It's horrifying, sometimes, watching old movie stereotypes of queer people. Humans are amazingly bad at contextualizing what they don't understand. Like, a guy dressed up as a woman? He must literally be a homicidal maniac who wasn't even loved by his own mother...
To be fair, it's rarely appropriate to ask a woman to take her clothes off. But it takes a special kind of creep to consider how a woman is dressed (or not), and demand that she "put some clothes on". I will never understand or respect that mentality.
I, too, like looking at naked women more than men. But in my journey as an artist, I've learned to appreciate the male form, too. I like when artists talk about nude art in a way that doesn't distinguish sex, especially when they're conscious of not being reduced to porn. Like, I get that our attractions often give form to the beauty we perceive in the human body. "We artists cannot tread the path of Beauty without Eros appointing himself as our guide." It's just that, one sex does not have an objectively more artistic form than the other. I also get that modeling is one of the few fields dominated by women. I have no desire to take that away. But as someone who was not born a woman, I do feel marginalized. All I want is to be acknowledged in a way that doesn't make me feel like my anatomy is a handicap. Like, "men are beautiful, too, but women are just perfect, luminous beings" isn't helping, y'all.
I have an issue with the term "desexualize" especially when used in the context of nudity. I think it confuses more than it clarifies. I agree that NOT "all nudity is sexual", but I do not believe that all "sexualized" nudity is bad. If you were to create a Venn diagram, there would be an intersection between the circles for nudity and sexuality. They are two separate concepts that can exist independently. But sometimes they overlap, and that's okay. It's a good thing, even.
I've been an artist for well over a decade, and I've never gotten over the feeling of emptiness you get after releasing a piece of art to the world. If you're lucky, you get a handful of likes and comments, which is always great. But then what? It just fades into obscurity? I'm not saying the creation of the art work isn't gratifying in and of itself. That's why I'm still doing this all these years later, even though it doesn't pay the bills. But I feel like art deserves a life beyond that initial share, and I don't know how to give it that. It feels narcissistic to say, "I want people to talk about my art." But my art is my voice. It's a form of self-expression. I WANT it to start conversations. You don't share yourself on social media without wanting attention, even if sometimes you're scared of getting it.
"Every Body Is Beautiful" - this is one of those cult-like things nudists often say. Maybe some of them even believe it. But it's okay to think some bodies are more beautiful than others, as long as you treat people with respect REGARDLESS of what they look like. THAT is what nudism is about.
I know I have the excuse of creating art, but let's be honest. Playing in the woods is fun. Climbing trees, splashing in streams. And doing it naked is just that much MORE fun. Am I wrong? And also, have you tried it?
The problem I have with most porn isn't that it's sexually explicit. I don't mind seeing genitalia or witnessing sex acts. The problem is that it's so inartfully expressed. I've seen snapshots of people's dinner plates that make the food look gross because of presentation. I don't care if you have a dildo sticking out of your ass. If you're a person artists would want to take pictures of anyway, and you light that scene and frame that composition, you're good. It's not the subject that's unappealing, it's how it's being presented.
I think a well-rounded individual should seek to expand their range of experiences for a more balanced perspective on life. Being trans gives you unique insights into the ways we socialize gender, by seeing from both sides of the aisle. A lot of things we take for granted as oppressed minorities can be generalized to human nature, and sometimes even applied to what those minorities deem the oppressors. Women are undoubtedly disadvantaged in our society, but men are victims of sexism, too. Conservatives complain that their views are being censored, and it's easy to want to call that out as bullshit, but the truth is, shadow banning is a weapon social media platforms wield without reservation. I'm subject to it as a progressive artist. Going from nudism to the art community, I find it interesting the paradigm shift between demographics of people who are comfortable nude. In nudism, it's the men who always want to get naked and share pictures, and complain that their wives and girlfriends won't join them. But in the art world, you see almost nothing but naked women. To the point that artists sometimes lament the imbalance, and encourage more men, who are statistically more likely to be behind the camera, to get more comfortable being in front of it. I came to art via an uncommon path. I always wanted to shoot women, but I never had any to shoot. So here I am, more visibly in the role of model than photographer (although I do both). And I see the difference. Women get the attention. The likes, the shares, the comments. If you really want to see more men getting comfortable in front of the camera, then you need to start giving attention to the ones who already are. But I don't hold any delusions that naked men will ever be as popular as naked women are. At least, not as long as men hold most of the power in society. Because men may like to get naked, but they'd rather look at naked women. I don't know if women are as interested in seeing naked men, but if they are, it wouldn't be hard for them to find volunteers. And yeah, I know, gay men are a demographic interested in looking at naked men, too. I'm not discounting them, but even if we include the openly bisexual population, they're still a minority and will never balance whatever demand the straight majority has.
Human beings are a social species. They have a tendency to adopt the beliefs of their tribe in order to promote a sense of belonging. As an asocial loner, I have been insulated from this impulse, and that has given me the gift of independent thought.
The world would not fall apart if tomorrow we decided to stop arbitrarily and superstitiously crushing people's spirits for daring to pursue the business of giving people orgasms. And if religion is in any way responsible for this sordid state of affairs, then God should be dragged from the Heavens to stand trial for this atrocity of inhumanity.
Mainstream politics is becoming more radicalized these days. The left is promoting radical tolerance, while the right is promoting radical hate. I'd prefer to stay nonpartisan, but one of these is not like the other. By the way, the difference between ACAB and religious bigotry is conservatives engaging in racially-motivated homocide without consequence versus conservatives denying health care to people who need it. There's a common enemy in both of those circumstances.
I never miss an opportunity to get naked in nature. And no matter how many times I try, I can never adequately describe how it feels. You just have to do it! Wish there wasn't so much stigma surrounding the human body. Putting my clothes back on is always the worst part.
Lizard brain: sees naked body, thinks it's time for sex. Monkey brain: sees naked body, realizes it's just a person in their natural state, and that it's no more time for sex than if you came across somebody clothed. I get the confusion, but let's try not to be lizard brains, ok?
Even as experienced a nudist as I am, the first time back to social nudism after a pandemic-driven hiatus, it struck me how weird it was to be in a place where people are randomly naked. Yet, as always, in very little time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. We need to accept that, despite the irony of how natural it is, nudism presents a significant barrier of entry to a textile-minded public. If only more people were open to trying it, in order to get over that hump. Nudism is an activity that sounds crazy, but feels natural.
Monday, July 18, 2022
Structure
I experience a drive to create. I love to get outdoors and be active. And when I'm surrounded by nature, I have the urge to get naked. And when I'm naked in nature, I feel compelled to create art. It's something I enjoy doing very much, and it keeps me physically fit.
Few activities are as grueling as the repeated burst of energy expended from sprinting back and forth from camera to pose while the timer counts down each time. Especially in situations where there is the added suspense of being caught with my pants down, so to speak, while I'm focused on making art.
That said, I enjoy taking pictures (as a model as much as a photographer) more than I enjoy sitting in front of my computer editing them. It's a necessary evil, and though there is an excitement in sifting through the dirt in search of gold - those pictures that really stand out and make me proud to show off - I do feel in the back of my mind that it is a cost (and a limitation) that comes with every image and video I create in the field.
I felt some pressure constantly producing content for my now-defunct Patreon account, with the fear in the back of my mind that if I hit a dry spell, my subscribers would rebel against me. I'll admit that being freed from that pressure is somewhat of a relief. But at the same time, I had the most consistent workflow during that period, and my photography was the most organized it's ever been. Even if I was working through a backlog, I still had everything in order, and that just meant I had a buffer of content in case production dropped off temporarily for any reason.
That organization is one of the things I miss most. Not having that structure for releasing content, stressful though it sometimes was, is taking its toll, as I continue to produce content that languishes in folders unfinished and unshared, and builds up, compounding the problem over time. I want that structure back, but I have yet to find an adequate replacement.
Few activities are as grueling as the repeated burst of energy expended from sprinting back and forth from camera to pose while the timer counts down each time. Especially in situations where there is the added suspense of being caught with my pants down, so to speak, while I'm focused on making art.
That said, I enjoy taking pictures (as a model as much as a photographer) more than I enjoy sitting in front of my computer editing them. It's a necessary evil, and though there is an excitement in sifting through the dirt in search of gold - those pictures that really stand out and make me proud to show off - I do feel in the back of my mind that it is a cost (and a limitation) that comes with every image and video I create in the field.
I felt some pressure constantly producing content for my now-defunct Patreon account, with the fear in the back of my mind that if I hit a dry spell, my subscribers would rebel against me. I'll admit that being freed from that pressure is somewhat of a relief. But at the same time, I had the most consistent workflow during that period, and my photography was the most organized it's ever been. Even if I was working through a backlog, I still had everything in order, and that just meant I had a buffer of content in case production dropped off temporarily for any reason.
That organization is one of the things I miss most. Not having that structure for releasing content, stressful though it sometimes was, is taking its toll, as I continue to produce content that languishes in folders unfinished and unshared, and builds up, compounding the problem over time. I want that structure back, but I have yet to find an adequate replacement.
Tuesday, July 5, 2022
#30 Days of Pride (A Retrospective)
This year, in response to the troubling news I've been hearing out of the south, I decided to spend the month of June celebrating trans pride, and expressing my own gender non-conforming identity, by posting my thoughts and opinions on subjects related to gender daily on Twitter, accompanied by self-portrait images I've taken over the years. For the sake of posterity (once again), and because it's probably easier to read them together as a blog post than separate, scattered tweets, I'm copying them here.
#30daysofpride
As much as I love being naked, I also have a passion for fashion. It's a way for me to express my feminine identity, and demonstrate that cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. That's why every day this June, I'll be sharing my transgender pride.
Cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. I hate that our culture teaches budding transgender individuals that the best "a man in women's clothes" can look is either hilarious or repulsive. It's time to flip the script.
I've had women tell me I look better wearing the clothes they've given me than they did! I may not have curves in the same places, but we all fit clothes differently. There's nothing stopping either sex from dressing feminine and looking good - unironically.
In truth, I have mixed feelings about the term "cross-dressing", because it makes it sound like a costume I'm putting on, or something I only do on the weekends, or in the bedroom. This is my day-to-day wardrobe. These aren't women's clothes, they're MY clothes.
On the other hand, I don't fit the conventional stereotype of being "born in the wrong body". But transgender is an umbrella. Not only are we all on different parts of our journey, some of us are on different journeys altogether. We can still support one another.
Honestly, I started growing my hair out as a teenager due to laziness. I kept it long because I was into the music scene from the '60s and '70s and it jibed with the fashion from that era. Later, it became an asset when I started experimenting with gender.
I struggle with the terms gay and straight because in my mind, sex and gender are perpendicular axes that are conflated merely because they happen to align in a majority of cases. I enjoy heterosex, but "straight male" doesn't begin to convey my unconventionality.
I call these my ruby slippers. I love getting a new pair of shoes, but I think the obsession is more about the role of coordination and variation in women's fashion. When I dressed like a guy, all I ever wore was jeans and tennis shoes and a different t-shirt.
From certain angles, I look feminine even naked. From the start, I've always tried to imitate female models in my photography. Over the years, I've had lots of NUDE self-portraits invited to galleries that exclusively feature women. It tickles me pink every time.
For gender-conforming individuals (whether cis or trans), the bathroom debate is moot. It's the unconventional non-binary and genderfluid folk who are most affected. I don't enjoy having an identity crisis every time I need to use a public restroom.
I like dressing up. I have two closets, and one of them is filled with formal dresses. But I never have an excuse to wear them. I wore a tuxedo to my senior prom, but I wish I could go back and do it again. I would wear the most dazzling dress.
The first piece of women's clothing I ever wore was my girlfriend's panties in high school (yes, I asked first). Women's clothing IS sexualized - and it's sexy. But that doesn't mean you can reduce a cross-dresser's interest in fashion to a sexual fetish.
I don't know why people conflate gender presentation with sexual orientation, unless it's just holdover gay stereotypes. I've adopted a feminine persona not to attract men (although it does), but because I like girls SO much, I want to BE one.
Bikinis are my favorite clothes. I envy girls' ability to wear them, and the double standard against guys who wear skimpy swimsuits. Bikinis can look good on me, but for swimming, the top never stays in place, and the bottom leaves nothing to the imagination.
I hesitated the first time I shaved my legs, because I thought they would still be too masculine. But I was wrong. I've never regretted it, and I've never gone back in twelve years. There are small things you can do that go a long way in communicating gender.
I don't relate to the term "androgynous". In my head, it means an inscrutable blend of characteristics, or a juxtaposition of extremes. I can't avoid having some masculine features, but my compass is strongly oriented towards the feminine.
My perspective may be a little skewed, but my definition of "femininity" doesn't depend on anatomy. Long, curly hair and pink, frilly panties looks girly to me. It doesn't matter that I don't have breasts, or that there's a bulge in my panties. Sex =/= gender.
Ballet, cheer, gymnastics - these are stereotypically feminine activities. But while men do perform them, their costumes and roles are different. Were I to participate, I wouldn't want to be a "ballerino", I'd want to wear a pink tutu and be one of the girls!
I don't want to abolish gender, I just want to make it optional. Associating girls with pink sparkles is fine, so long as you're not forced to be a "girl" (or barred from it) based on your anatomy. It's about choice. Gender is in your brain, not your genitals.
I think "gender reveal" parties are stupid and transphobic. It's impossible to tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl until they've grown up enough to decide for themselves. I'm not talking about their anatomical sex, I'm talking about their GENDER.
Sundresses and flip flops, short shorts and crop tops, bikinis and photo ops. Summer is my favorite season for fashion. In my opinion, the best clothes are the ones that show off the body (the skimpier the better!), not the ones that cover it up.
Pronouns don't define me. They're just a tool. I mainly use masculine ones, because it's what I grew up with; it's what's most familiar. And I don't want to be accused of "appropriating". But it really depends on how I'm presenting on any given day.
"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Can't tell you how many times a guy has expressed interest in me, knowing that I have male anatomy, while identifying himself as straight. I think some people are just more attracted to gender than sex.
Some men are so terrified of their own anatomy, they think the "trans agenda" is designed to trick them into dating a girl with a penis. It's not. You can acknowledge the reality of anatomical sex without that automatically making you "gender critical".
I believe that transwomen are women. But there are different kinds of women, and a person who grows up with a penis isn't going to have the same life experiences as a person who grows up with a vagina. That doesn't make them "less", it just makes them different.
Not wanting to have sex with a woman who has a penis doesn't make you transphobic - it's using your insecurities to deny and harm trans people that makes you transphobic. People deserve dignity and liberty independent of whether you would have sex with them.
I can't get past the double standard by which you'll see women dress in men's clothes and it's become so common and accepted that it's not even called "cross-dressing". But the instant a man puts on a skirt or heels, he's like an alien from another planet.
People complain about the "sexualization" of women's Halloween costumes. Sexy costumes aren't the problem - a lot of people like them. The issue is the expectation tied to gender. But there's nothing stopping women from shopping in the men's department.
Sometimes it feels like the truest girls anymore are the trans-girls. I see so many GGs disavowing feminine stereotypes. Which, more power to them, but I LIKE the female gender. TGs are better at slaying femininity because they know what boys like.
Sometimes I wonder how much of progress is bright minds uncovering the staggering complexity of life, obstructed by the frustration/resentment of the rest of the population too dumb to wrap their minds around why their oversimplified approximations are inadequate.
#30daysofpride
As much as I love being naked, I also have a passion for fashion. It's a way for me to express my feminine identity, and demonstrate that cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. That's why every day this June, I'll be sharing my transgender pride.
Cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. I hate that our culture teaches budding transgender individuals that the best "a man in women's clothes" can look is either hilarious or repulsive. It's time to flip the script.
I've had women tell me I look better wearing the clothes they've given me than they did! I may not have curves in the same places, but we all fit clothes differently. There's nothing stopping either sex from dressing feminine and looking good - unironically.
In truth, I have mixed feelings about the term "cross-dressing", because it makes it sound like a costume I'm putting on, or something I only do on the weekends, or in the bedroom. This is my day-to-day wardrobe. These aren't women's clothes, they're MY clothes.
On the other hand, I don't fit the conventional stereotype of being "born in the wrong body". But transgender is an umbrella. Not only are we all on different parts of our journey, some of us are on different journeys altogether. We can still support one another.
Honestly, I started growing my hair out as a teenager due to laziness. I kept it long because I was into the music scene from the '60s and '70s and it jibed with the fashion from that era. Later, it became an asset when I started experimenting with gender.
I struggle with the terms gay and straight because in my mind, sex and gender are perpendicular axes that are conflated merely because they happen to align in a majority of cases. I enjoy heterosex, but "straight male" doesn't begin to convey my unconventionality.
I call these my ruby slippers. I love getting a new pair of shoes, but I think the obsession is more about the role of coordination and variation in women's fashion. When I dressed like a guy, all I ever wore was jeans and tennis shoes and a different t-shirt.
From certain angles, I look feminine even naked. From the start, I've always tried to imitate female models in my photography. Over the years, I've had lots of NUDE self-portraits invited to galleries that exclusively feature women. It tickles me pink every time.
For gender-conforming individuals (whether cis or trans), the bathroom debate is moot. It's the unconventional non-binary and genderfluid folk who are most affected. I don't enjoy having an identity crisis every time I need to use a public restroom.
I like dressing up. I have two closets, and one of them is filled with formal dresses. But I never have an excuse to wear them. I wore a tuxedo to my senior prom, but I wish I could go back and do it again. I would wear the most dazzling dress.
The first piece of women's clothing I ever wore was my girlfriend's panties in high school (yes, I asked first). Women's clothing IS sexualized - and it's sexy. But that doesn't mean you can reduce a cross-dresser's interest in fashion to a sexual fetish.
I don't know why people conflate gender presentation with sexual orientation, unless it's just holdover gay stereotypes. I've adopted a feminine persona not to attract men (although it does), but because I like girls SO much, I want to BE one.
Bikinis are my favorite clothes. I envy girls' ability to wear them, and the double standard against guys who wear skimpy swimsuits. Bikinis can look good on me, but for swimming, the top never stays in place, and the bottom leaves nothing to the imagination.
I hesitated the first time I shaved my legs, because I thought they would still be too masculine. But I was wrong. I've never regretted it, and I've never gone back in twelve years. There are small things you can do that go a long way in communicating gender.
I don't relate to the term "androgynous". In my head, it means an inscrutable blend of characteristics, or a juxtaposition of extremes. I can't avoid having some masculine features, but my compass is strongly oriented towards the feminine.
My perspective may be a little skewed, but my definition of "femininity" doesn't depend on anatomy. Long, curly hair and pink, frilly panties looks girly to me. It doesn't matter that I don't have breasts, or that there's a bulge in my panties. Sex =/= gender.
Ballet, cheer, gymnastics - these are stereotypically feminine activities. But while men do perform them, their costumes and roles are different. Were I to participate, I wouldn't want to be a "ballerino", I'd want to wear a pink tutu and be one of the girls!
I don't want to abolish gender, I just want to make it optional. Associating girls with pink sparkles is fine, so long as you're not forced to be a "girl" (or barred from it) based on your anatomy. It's about choice. Gender is in your brain, not your genitals.
I think "gender reveal" parties are stupid and transphobic. It's impossible to tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl until they've grown up enough to decide for themselves. I'm not talking about their anatomical sex, I'm talking about their GENDER.
Sundresses and flip flops, short shorts and crop tops, bikinis and photo ops. Summer is my favorite season for fashion. In my opinion, the best clothes are the ones that show off the body (the skimpier the better!), not the ones that cover it up.
Pronouns don't define me. They're just a tool. I mainly use masculine ones, because it's what I grew up with; it's what's most familiar. And I don't want to be accused of "appropriating". But it really depends on how I'm presenting on any given day.
"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Can't tell you how many times a guy has expressed interest in me, knowing that I have male anatomy, while identifying himself as straight. I think some people are just more attracted to gender than sex.
Some men are so terrified of their own anatomy, they think the "trans agenda" is designed to trick them into dating a girl with a penis. It's not. You can acknowledge the reality of anatomical sex without that automatically making you "gender critical".
I believe that transwomen are women. But there are different kinds of women, and a person who grows up with a penis isn't going to have the same life experiences as a person who grows up with a vagina. That doesn't make them "less", it just makes them different.
Not wanting to have sex with a woman who has a penis doesn't make you transphobic - it's using your insecurities to deny and harm trans people that makes you transphobic. People deserve dignity and liberty independent of whether you would have sex with them.
I can't get past the double standard by which you'll see women dress in men's clothes and it's become so common and accepted that it's not even called "cross-dressing". But the instant a man puts on a skirt or heels, he's like an alien from another planet.
People complain about the "sexualization" of women's Halloween costumes. Sexy costumes aren't the problem - a lot of people like them. The issue is the expectation tied to gender. But there's nothing stopping women from shopping in the men's department.
Sometimes it feels like the truest girls anymore are the trans-girls. I see so many GGs disavowing feminine stereotypes. Which, more power to them, but I LIKE the female gender. TGs are better at slaying femininity because they know what boys like.
Sometimes I wonder how much of progress is bright minds uncovering the staggering complexity of life, obstructed by the frustration/resentment of the rest of the population too dumb to wrap their minds around why their oversimplified approximations are inadequate.
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