Straight Model, Gay Audience

An anonymous reader has recently left a comment that has inspired some pretty interesting ruminations about the disparity between my sexual orientation and the demographic constitution of my audience (as an artist and model). I thought my response deserved a post of its own.

"being 'straight' is it awkward knowing men masturbate to you? is it a weird form of turn on? (noting that you have many pictures of you presenting your a55 h0le in your pictures.)"

These are good questions, with complex answers. That most of my audience is male is certainly something I've had to get used to. But as an exhibitionist, I like the feeling of being desired. When I model for erotic art, I'm not looking for hookups - so it really doesn't matter if I'm attracted to the people who appreciate my work. Even if it were women, most of them would still be people I am not specifically attracted to (I have types and preferences; I don't just lust after anything with a vagina). My body of art is for the world to enjoy, not just a few lucky individuals I happen to single out as desirable. That I can contribute to the orgasms of people I am not attracted to - without having to get my hands dirty - pleases me as a sex-positive humanitarian. If I were running for political office, my campaign slogan would be "orgasms for everyone!"

As far as the types of poses I use, I got started out imitating female models because that's what I like - it's what I know. This has actually contributed to my discovery and exploration of my transgender identity. I also happen to enjoy the submissive element, psychologically, of being the receiver in a sexual coupling. It allows me to "feel like a girl". It doesn't necessarily mean that I want a man to be on the other end - a lot of men enjoy anal stimulation and/or penetration, but only from women. That's because the act - the stimulation - can be separated from the person performing it with/on you; it does not rely on a particular type of person (that's why, for example, a woman can enjoy cunnilingus without being a lesbian).

I don't like to get hung up on the "I'm straight" thing, because the fact is, I'm very open-minded, and willing to explore whatever it is that gives me pleasure (and, as a model, what gives other people pleasure, as long as it's within my comfort zone). I also think the terms "gay" and "straight" are problematic for people with non-cisgendered identities. That having been said, I have very little interest or desire in having a sexual relationship or encounter with a man. I wouldn't rule out the possibility completely, and I like to encourage a more fluid interpretation of my sexuality (because there's no virtue in being uptight these days), but sometimes I have to be clear about my interests to avoid undesirable situations. As an artist and model, I am presenting a fantasy to the world - open to interpretation, but not available to take home to bed with you. If you're comfortable with that, then I'm comfortable with that.

Sarong Comparison

As hard as it is to believe that so much time has passed, next year is the ten year anniversary of the Daily Nudes project that launched my erotic photography hobby in earnest. So, I've been thinking back on some of my old photographs a lot lately. I staged a reconstruction of this one photo taken in September of 2008. The photo on the right was taken just recently, more than nine years after the one on the left. This kind of thing fascinates me - to see how closely I can get to the original, even as doing so magnifies the sometimes subtle things that have changed.

[description: a long-haired man in a sarong stands in a shadowy bedroom]

My life was very dark ten years ago - literally, as I lived a more or less nocturnal schedule. There's a lot more sunshine in my life now, although that's not evident in this picture. I'm hoping to do a number of homages to my original Daily Nudes project over the course of the next year. I don't live in the same place, so they may be more spiritual successors than note-for-note recreations, but I think it'll be fun.

Why Nudism? (Part 14)

[description: a "flasher" lays down his trenchcoat for a lady to step over]
Because "decency" is how you behave, not how you dress.

Nudists have another saying - "nude, not lewd" - which is meant to emphasize the difference between a nudist's state of dress, and his behavior - that nudity is simply a state of being, while lewdness is a state of doing. "Indecent exposure" laws often presume that a person exposing their genitals to others (outside of a bedroom context) is doing so for illicit sexual gratification, and will therefore be accompanied by lewd behavior. But this is not necessarily the case. That's why I've taken the stereotype of the "trench coat flasher", and crossed it with the trope of a gentleman laying his coat down over a puddle for a lady to step over. A lot of people misunderstand nudism to be a form of exhibitionism - that nudists get some kind of sexual thrill from exposing themselves to others. Hopefully, this image demonstrates that that's really not the point. Nudists are (generally speaking) naked for reasons of comfort and convenience, and because they don't have the hangups about their bodies that many people have. The point that I think a lot of nudists would like to make is that what you're wearing isn't so important as how you behave - that you can be naked, and still be a perfectly decent human being.

[description: a lady in a pink dress and heels holds an umbrella while looking up toward the sky]

This pink dress worked out perfectly for this theme. I was very happy to be able to add a gender-bending clone shot to this series, since it's so characteristic of my work. I was very excited about this theme in general - I thought it was pretty clever. The shoot was challenging though, because it was cold - the high that day was under 50 degrees - and raining, and I was out taking pictures with nothing on half the time. Totally worth it, though. I was concerned about getting some good shots in such a short time frame (so I could go back inside and warm up), but I think it worked out nicely!

Why Nudism? (Part 12)

(Don't worry, I'm completely aware that I posted Part 13 out of order. I just thought it was the perfect theme and the perfect number for Halloween. The order of these posts is pretty much arbitrary anyway. I'll probably reorder them in the final series when it's done, if it even matters what order they're in).

[description: a nude hiker with backpack and walking stick stands in a forest]
Because it makes me feel at one with nature.

Freehiking - the practice of hiking nude, usually in state or national parks that are not specifically designated for nudism, but are spread out enough to allow for a moderate expectation of privacy - is a popular nudist pastime, especially for those nudists who do not have convenient access to a gated club (and sometimes those who are developing an interest in nudism, but haven't worked up the courage to visit an organized community yet). It also dovetails quite nicely with the ethos of "naturism" - nudism from a naturalistic standpoint. What better way to enjoy the great outdoors than to do so naked, the way Mother Earth intends? If it were up to me, all state and national parks would be clothing optional, and freehiking would be as popular a pastime as skinny dipping.

On Top of the World

[description: series of erotic nude photos taken atop an observation tower in the mountains]

So, we were on top of this tower with a commanding view of the countryside - and of the path leading up to the tower. What's more, you have to climb four flights of rickety steps to get to the top, so there's plenty of time to make yourself "presentable" if you see or hear somebody coming. (Although there's less coverage in the fall when the trees thin out).

At the tail end of an impromptu photo session, I was preparing to perform a back bend for the camera, when my partner noticed a few people coming up the trail down below. She was, understandably, a bit skittish, but I knew I had plenty of time, so I went ahead with the back bend anyway (knowing there were people approaching), trusting my partner to hurry up and get the shot before she went into panic mode.

And I still had plenty of time to get dressed before the visitors reached the top of the tower, none the wiser for what had just been transpiring there, at which point the two of us took our leave. But the real kicker was that the new arrivals were wearing t-shirts indicating that they were part of some church group. :-3 But hey, no harm, no foul.

Visions From The Fitting Room

Eventually it gets to a point where all the dresses begin to blur together...

[description: fitting room selfies in a variety of formal dresses]

The first one was beautiful, but wouldn't stay up on me, and the tightness leaves nothing to the imagination. It had little floral accents, and though it looked incredible as is, I thought it would make a great elven dress in a nice forest green color.

I put the second one on, and I instantly loved it. So slinky and sexy! It made me feel amazing. But it was completely impractical. I hate that I even have to consider these things (why can't I just wear what I like?), but there's no hiding my anatomy in it, and I imagine it would take constant effort to keep in place. The only place I could possibly wear it is to a kink party or some such, and I don't go to very many of those.

This consignment shop has an unrivaled assortment of dresses in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but I must say, the high, overhead lighting in the fitting rooms is not very flattering for faces.

[description: more fitting room selfies in several different white formal gowns]

I've been looking at some potential wedding dresses for a themed photoshoot. I'm usually attracted to short, skimpy dresses (also colorful), and wedding dresses tend to be very...full (although that's what makes them look so extravagant and formal). I've learned, though, that these dresses look a lot more attractive on the body than they do hanging up.

I have this fantasy of going into a bridal shop (I've toured a couple but been too timid to do anything more than poke around the racks), and get the full treatment - trying on this and that dress, working with trained professionals to find something that flatters me and is in a style I like. But the thought of actually going through with it makes me anxious for two reasons.

[description: fitting room selfie with a dress unzipped all the way down the back]

Firstly, I'm not actually planning a wedding, and I don't want to be seen as treating a very serious occasion in many people's lives too flippantly - also, people tend to go all out for weddings, and are therefore willing to spend a little more money than usual, while my budget remains pretty tight; I'd hate to go into a store hoping to find something spectacular while being limited to whatever the cheapest wares are on hand. That would just seem to display an unrealistic sense of expectations.

Secondly, there's the issue of my sex not lining up with my gender - so to have all that scrutiny on me while I try on different dresses (all pretty much designed for human beings with breasts and no discernible bulge between their legs) would make me pretty uncomfortable. I don't doubt that I could find somebody very accepting to help me out (although it's the luck of the draw), but the very thought of having to go through that conversation with a stranger whose reaction I cannot predict leads me to err on the side of caution. Ah, well.

[description: fitting room selfie in a pair of red brief underwear]