I'm that one guy on American beaches wearing a speedo, and I want to open a dialogue. I know you're curious, and maybe a little bit confused. I've seen the looks. I've overheard the remarks. My goal isn't to make anyone uncomfortable. I'm just living my truth, wearing what makes me happy. I know you have questions. Let me try to answer a few of them.
But first, a note on terminology. I'm using the term "speedo" in this post because that's what most people are familiar with. I don't usually call my swimsuits "speedos", as that is a brand name, and most of my swimsuits are not Speedo brand (also, Speedo makes a variety of swimsuits, not just the kind most people associate them with). It's like how we call tissues "Kleenex" and colas "Coke". The generic term - and the one that I normally prefer to use - is "swim brief".
Now, on to the questions!
Q: Are you European?
A: No. I was born and raised in the USA (for better or worse). I've never even been to Europe, although I'd like to visit someday. I've heard that speedos are pretty much the norm over there (although reports are varied).
Q: Are you gay?
A: The answer might surprise you! This is, in my experience, the number one assumption people make when they see a guy in a speedo. No, I am not gay. I love and support the gay community, and I'm pretty open-minded; it just so happens that I am predominantly attracted to the female sex. What puzzles me is why so many people think the swimsuit I'm wearing has any bearing whatsoever on my sexual orientation. If a woman puts on a thong bikini, does that make her a lesbian?
Q: Why do you wear speedos, then?
A: You might be surprised to learn that there are a lot of good reasons for a man to wear a speedo. Maybe you're a swimming athlete. Maybe you want less noticeable tan lines. Any single reason would be justification enough for the decision to wear a speedo; I've got three!
1. I'm a nudist. I realize this puts me in the minority, but I am actually more comfortable the less I am wearing. Especially when my clothes are going to be getting wet. I would prefer to be swimming nude. So although a speedo is less than you would expect me to wear, it's more than I want to be wearing. It's a compromise.
2. My gender identity is complicated. I go back and forth on what to call myself, but suffice to say, I am gender non-conforming, and my gender presentation is predominantly feminine (on the other hand, I am not interested at this time in chemical or surgical intervention). Wearing men's swimwear - the baggy, knee-length shorts that are ubiquitous in this culture - gives me gender dysphoria. But I can't wear women's swimsuits because they are obviously not practical for my anatomy. So, once again, speedos are a compromise. Also, as a gender non-conforming person, I'd like to mention that I do not appreciate the double standard whereby it's considered perfectly normal for women to wear skimpy swimsuits, but scandalous when a man does it. That doesn't really seem fair.
3. I'm a model. Contrary to stereotype, I am not old and fat. Although I am not quite as young as I look, I am not that old, either. I'm pretty skinny, and try to keep in good shape. I model, so you can bet I'm pretty confident in my skin. I like to show off what I've got. Women do it all the time. Why not give them something to look at, too? If just looking at a man's body makes you uncomfortable, then I don't know what to say. It's not my responsibility to prevent you from having gay thoughts.
And while we're on the subject of appearance, I don't understand people who say "nobody looks good in a speedo." For a subjective opinion, this is one that is demonstrably untrue. Just because men aren't typically held to the same grooming standards as women doesn't mean that there aren't men with bodies worth drooling over. I put effort into my appearance because I want to look good.
At the same time, I'm a nudist, and I believe that people have the right to feel comfortable in their skin, no matter what they look like. Do you think everyone at the beach looks good, and that the ones who don't should leave? Why does anyone need your approval on their fashion choices, and why is your approval more important than anyone else's? I dress to satisfy myself, not to impress some random stranger I don't know.
Q: Where do you wear speedos?
A: Wherever I go swimming, unless there's an explicit rule forbidding them. I've worn speedos on the beach and at lakes. I've worn them in hotel pools, and even waterparks. In beach towns, I've walked through the streets, shopped in stores, eaten at restaurants, and played minigolf, all while wearing just a speedo. I've worn them around family and friends, young and old, and complete strangers, too.
Q: Isn't it indecent to walk around in public with the outline of your genitals visible?
A: Is it? Ask all the women wearing bikinis. Outlines will vary depending on the suit (including color - black is pretty discreet) and conditions (e.g., lighting, wet vs. dry), but this is also true of many women's swimsuits. I know the sexes have different anatomy, but I'm not sure they should have different rules about visibility and what is or is not acceptable. The suits I wear are not "fetish wear" that emphasizes or enhances my manhood (there's a whole rabbit hole of those that it's easy to tumble down when searching for non-traditional men's swimwear online). They're just basic swim briefs - the kind you might see on Olympic athletes, or your local high school swim team. In fact, they're actually modest compared to what a lot of women wear.
Q: What about children and abuse survivors? Even the suggestion of the sight of a penis can be traumatizing to some people.
A: I believe that phalliphobia (fear of the penis) is not a healthy mindset, and that it is not good for society to coddle it. In order to change my mind, you would have to convince me first that men and women are not equal, and deserve to follow different standards of public decorum (unless you are arguing that women shouldn't wear bikinis either, which is not the common stance I'm addressing here), and second that innocent people deserve to have their freedoms restricted due to the behavior of criminals and scoundrels, purely on the basis of having similar anatomy.
In this culture, there is typically a lot of skin on display wherever swimming is involved. If you are someone who is bothered by this, then I would suggest you try to avoid public pools and beaches in lieu of demanding that everyone else cover up. Nudism teaches us that the sight of the human body does not carry an inherently sexual context. (Whether or not you think someone has "sex appeal" is beside the point - that's a thought in your head, not a behavior of their body). Nor are children intrinsically harmed by exposure to the human body. That's something they have to learn - and frequently do learn, from their parents, their peers, and from society. And we're not even talking about nudity, here - we're talking about swimsuits!
It's not that I don't think you can make an argument that I'm prioritizing my own comfort over the comfort of others. You can. But I'm arguing that fear of the human body (although really just the male body in this instance) isn't more valuable to us as a society than the freedom of individuals to wear different styles of swimsuits (some more revealing than others, perhaps, but without breaching the legal standard for indecency). What's more, considering that women already have this freedom (nearly uncontested, except by fringe minorities) makes the argument rather moot.
Q: Do you have a large penis? If not, are you worried about people making fun of you? Or do you get off on the humiliation?
A: I understand that many men have anxiety about their penis size. Thankfully, I have been insulated from this toxic form of competition for most of my life. The truth is, some men are showers, and some are growers. What you see is often not what you get. I have been called both "tiny" and "massive", depending on the state of arousal, and I've never had trouble satisfying a woman. So what somebody else thinks about my size is inconsequential to me. In a similar vein, I know that lots of women have anxiety about their chest size. But that doesn't mean that a woman with A cups can't rock a bikini and look damn fine doing it.
Q: What are some good brands of non-Speedo swim briefs?
A: I'm not brand-loyal. Men's swim briefs are hard to come by, so I tend to search online, and try out whatever looks good. I have owned actual Speedos. One of their top competitors is TYR, atlhough I had a TYR swim brief that didn't last as long as some of my others. My favorites are by a company called Sporti. They have a low-rise brief that better approximates the look of a bikini bottom. I have a black one that I like so much, I bought matching pairs in blue, green, and red. I also like Kiniki brand tan-through suits. They have a variety of styles, including classic briefs. They're composed of a thinner, mesh-like material, so they're a bit less modest (personally, I find the coverage to be perfectly adequate unless you're deliberately scrutinizing it), but I love how quickly they dry.
Q: What's the worst thing that's happened while wearing a speedo?
A: Two incidents come to mind. One time I was kayaking near a busy marina, and I got chewed out by a park ranger for not wearing a life jacket, because he literally thought I was twelve years old! (I can only guess why, but I imagine the fact that I'm scrawny, hairless, and was riding a kid-sized kayak were all contributing factors). On the positive side, I took his lack of comment on my swimwear as tacit approval (or at least allowance), him being an authority figure and all.
Another time, I left the beach wearing my speedo, and on the way to my car, I turned a corner only to stumble upon a group of twenty or more kids sitting in a circle having class outdoors on the lawn. They all started pointing and whispering, even as their teacher droned on. Children are naturally curious, and there is, of course, no harm in them seeing a man in a swimsuit within sight of the shore. But I can appreciate how it might have looked to an outside observer, taken out of context. I didn't want to draw any more attention to myself or make a production out of covering up, so I tried my best to ignore them and kept walking casually to my car.
Q: What's the best thing that's happened while wearing a speedo?
A: If this hadn't actually happened to me, I wouldn't believe it myself, but I was lying out on the beach one day when a group of college girls came over and invited me to play volleyball with them. Afterward, we went skinny dipping. That alone makes up for every disparaging look and dismissive comment I've ever received while wearing a speedo. =D
