Outfit of the Day (#ootd)

[description: bathroom mirror selfie in short shorts and a belly shirt]

I was very excited to wear this belly shirt, now that I've got a stomach flat enough and toned enough to warrant showing off.

[description: closeup of a toned midriff]

I've always enjoyed girls with sexy stomachs who are willing to expose their midriffs in public (e.g., Alexandra Daddario in Texas Chainsaw 3D - second from right). I feel like I got a lot of stares (the good kind). It was a weird experience, wearing a shirt (not, like, a bikini top), yet having the middle of my body exposed. I kept being surprised by the feel of my purse strap against my bare skin. There was even a little bit of sexy flash of my hip bones. But it was great! I felt fantastic. And, after all, summer is the season to wear less!

[description: mirror selfies in the same outfit, taken in different stores]

Here are a couple pictures of this outfit "in the wild".

An Angry Rant

(You have been warned)

The more I think about it, the more I have to wonder if I'm not truly abnormal, in that I want to be surrounded by beautiful, naked creatures on a daily basis. I mean, this is probably not that unusual a fantasy, at least going by the way a stereotypical man's mind tends to function (although a conventional man would probably want something more akin to a roaming orgy, than a living, breathing art gallery).

But in my case, there is little - if anything - else in life that seems quite so appealing to me. I don't care about building a family. I don't care about making money (except insofar as it would make life more comfortable). My personal handicaps make social interaction (including creating and maintaining friendships) often more trouble than it's worth. Being surrounded by beautiful, naked creatures is the only thing I really feel is worth dedicating my life's effort to.

I don't know whether that makes me weird, or if it's just that one weird thing everybody has (okay, maybe not everybody) that they happen to be living for. Of course, going about getting it is one great, big mystery. But the thing that really irritates me is how much other people seem to want to get in the way of me getting what I want, just because it seems weird to them.

Like, you don't have to live in my naked utopia. And, obviously, one of the difficulties of constructing this naked utopia would be finding attractive people who don't mind being naked eye candy. (But it's not like they'd have to stand on pedestals 16 hours a day - they can all lead normal lives, I just want to be around them while they do so).

But there is so much ingrained social programming that stands in the way of anybody even accepting a life like that. Nudism is fantastic, but it's hampered by a serious demographics problem. Granted, the point of nudism is not aestheticism. But the sometimes neurotic lengths to which they emphasize "body positivity" (as opposed to a more classical pro-fitness stance), and their phobia of cameras and "sexualized" depictions of nudity in popular media, demonstrates the problem we have in this culture with appreciating beauty.

To be sure, our culture fetishizes beauty to an incredible extent. Ask any moral conservative, and they'll complain about the "pornification" of culture, all the way down to the clothes children wear in primary school (because keeping a watchful eye on the length of little girls' shorts - and complaining about how distracting they are - is totally not pervy, nuh uh, no way). But in spite of this erotic beauty cult that exists, if you dare to glorify in it, you not only sacrifice your reputation as an upstanding, God-fearing citizen (as if religion should even still matter in this post-modern age), but people will actively try to bar you from indulging in the same things that the advertising industry is trying to sell you!

It's all an artifice. An image that we are exposed to. Inundated with. But we are not allowed to live it. I glory in the beauty I frequently see in the world around me, just walking down the street. But god forbid you should want to take a picture to remember the sight by - you'll have people screaming at you for invading their privacy (in public), calling for you to be subjected to a modern version of branding, with the scarlet letters of "sex offender" - the lowliest of lowly scum that exists in modern society.

Forget the violent offenders - the abusers, the murderers - and the drug offenders (and I don't mean petty weed offenses here). Hell, even the rapists are honored for having the balls to just reach out and take what they want. No, the worst of them all is the pathetic, 40 year old virgin who "pervs" on women and girls in a way that is not actually harmful, but just "creepy". Because we're not allowed to acknowledge the fact that the very reason we exist - the reason we walk and talk and eat and sleep and shit and breathe fresh air - is because of the natural attraction that exists between the sexes.

No, that doesn't mean that we can't talk about healthy and unhealthy ways to express those feelings. But can we at least start with a basic, rudimentary understanding that men are animated by the feelings that they get from women? It is, to a large extent, their raison d'etre. And I don't think it's always necessarily sexual, but I feel like it's related to that fundamental drive.

Because if you're going to take away all the toxic ways that men can demonstrate their appreciation of women - and this is a laudable goal - you must be willing to join us at the table of discussing those healthier ways that men can continue to pursue that sweet nectar of the gods that appears in the form of women. For if you just leave us hanging, unfulfilled, with no outlet for our mania, the pressure will build, and the situation will only get worse.

Listen, if you want to go create a sexless society, where women never have to worry about being hit on, then I support you in your endeavor 100%. Just go and do it already, and stop infecting the rest of us with your anhedonic poison, like a corpse strolling through a beautiful garden, leaving nothing but death and decay in its wake.

(You were warned)

Construction (and Deconstruction)

This week I'm putting together a new desk.

[description: series of portraits of a nude man putting together a computer desk]

That is, when I'm not taking a break to take pictures of me putting together a new desk. (But I knew you'd thank me :p).

[description: further portraits of a nude man lying on the floor, legs spread displaying an erection]

Some of these pictures got me thinking about an issue I have with a lot of people's attitudes towards nudity. One of the most common criticisms levied against nudism is the fact that "it's never the people you want to see naked" (which isn't strictly true, but is accurate enough in a statistical sense). Now, as any nudist will understand, this is completely missing the point of nudism. But most non-nudists haven't experienced nudism, and don't know the feeling of going nude, which is why they focus on the seeing, instead of the being. It's also a possibility that only a minority of the population is wired (or conditioned) in such a way as to be able to derive enjoyment from the practice of going casually nude. Which could, in part, explain why nudism is a minority lifestyle that the majority of the population thinks is - at best - weird.

Regardless, there is some truth to the complaint that not every body is nice to look at in the nude. In nudism, you get used to seeing people's bodies, and even getting an eyeful of the less flattering ones tends to bother you less and less. (And I would argue that this is generally a healthy thing, because you become less hung up on bodies and what they look like). But, nonetheless, nobody (barring a small minority I don't doubt exists, who are into this sort of thing) really wants to see, for example, their overweight, aging uncle bending over a desk, without any clothes on - I'm not trying to pass off an absurdist argument here. But you know what is nice? The same view, but of an attractive, twenty year old hottie.

[description: portrait of a nude man on all fours, viewed from behind]

However, sights like this are exceedingly rare in everyday life, given that we feel compelled to censor them for a variety of reasons, including fairness and equal rights (although I would argue that it's worth it to let unattractive people go nude just for the reward of seeing attractive people nude - but this is not the majority's opinion). And while the rarity of such sights might make them feel extra special, I would argue that we don't get to experience them nearly enough (call me a hedonist - although "aesthete" would be more accurate - but I want to be surrounded by beauty, not simply awarded a few furtive glances here and there, scattered throughout a long and miserable life)*.

Not all of us have the good fortune of being able to have the experience of being in an intimate relationship with a supermodel (one of the few contexts in which one might encounter - and be permitted, socially as well as legally, to encounter - this kind of sight with any regularity), and even those of us lucky few who do, tend to get to do so for only a limited period of their lives, before time (or feelings) takes its toll. There is porn, for sure, but I object to the assumption that this kind of thing has to necessarily be associated with sex (sometimes it's nice to get the view without that extra baggage and added pressure), plus it's also more visceral a treat when you get to see it in person.

But this idea that the human body is "disgusting" and offensive to look at - I'm not gonna go so far out of my way as to say that there is no truth to that statement. Sometimes nature - raw and uncensored - can be hard to stomach. And all bodies are not "beautiful" in the same visual, physical way. But you know what? Some of them are. And I don't understand why we can't celebrate that separately from the idea that the human body is taboo.

Yeah, sure, if some ugly guy takes a snapshot of his asshole, chances are it's going to be a disgusting, offensive picture that very few people are going to want to look at (much less appreciate being shown without warning - if posted, for example, anywhere other than an amateur porn site). But why is that an argument against the exhibition of a picture of a beautiful model being depicted tastefully, albeit explicitly? I understand that much of this is subjective, and there is always going to be a grey area, but why are community standards so heavily biased towards the one side? Can't we at least rule fairly on the black and white cases lying at the extremes?

Like everything else, bodies can be depicted tastefully and tastelessly, so why is it that a body tastefully depicted (and I mean being able to see the anatomy, not "tasteful" in terms of the coy, "you can't really see anything" teasing that is so popular in the mass market media) is lumped in with disgusting, distasteful depictions of human flesh? It's all treated as taboo, without distinction. But this idea that there is something fundamentally disturbing about the human body - not in the way it is shot or posed, but intrinsic to its very nature - is extremely unhealthy. Is this not obvious?

How can we go through our lives believing that our bodies - our very bodies! - are such loathful things? Is it any wonder we have serious body image issues in our culture? Not just because we hold ordinary people up to extraordinary standards, but that even the people who have beautiful bodies are made to feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with them - that if, for example, a kid were to see it, it would psychologically damage them for life. And even if it's the case that beautiful naked bodies tend to remind people of sex, why does it make sense for people to be so neurotically sensitive to that topic, which informs most of what we do as animate lifeforms crawling over the face of the planet? I think it's clear where the psychological damage can truly be found.

* You know what, this calls for a full-on rant. But I'll save it for another post.

My Annual Speedo Rant

[description: portrait of a male torso, wearing a yellow Speedo]

Believe it or not, I recently read some comments about swimsuit standards in some parts of Europe, that actually deem "swim trunks" (i.e., the long-legged "board shorts" that are ubiquitous in the United States) unacceptable pool attire - mainly for more-or-less bogus hygiene reasons. Whether or not that's true (and it's plausible, given stereotypes of the speedo's relative acceptance in Europe), it struck me how opposite that was to what I'm used to here in the States, where instead of being pretty much mandatory, speedo-style swimsuits are not only uncommon, but sometimes even restricted! While the only reasonable swimming attire is nudity, I think the European approach makes more sense of the two, because it preserves the notion of getting undressed before going into the water. I cannot believe how prudish and puritanical our standards are here in America. It's insane!

Honestly, if this truly were a free country, then I would not encounter the restrictions against speedos that I've come across. Are speedos for everyone? Of course not! Does that mean that no one should be allowed to wear them? No! Because whether or not you like them should not dictate my decision on whether or not to wear one. Every argument you could possibly make against speedos could also be made about bikinis. But that doesn't stop bikinis from being ultra popular. The only meaningful difference stems from the fact that we live in a patriarchal society dominated by the male gaze. So while it is okay - even encouraged! - for women (and their daughters) to parade themselves around the family pool like pieces of meat, the [straight male] powers that be tend to get uncomfortable when men do the same, and thereby deem it unacceptable.

But what really amazes me is how many women go along with this state of affairs. They'll believe that any woman should be allowed to wear a bikini if she feels empowered by doing so, because of freedom and equality and self-confidence and all that, but that even fit men look ridiculous in speedos (like, really?), and should be banned from wearing them on the off chance that permitting them to do so might encourage a not-so-fit man to also wear one. (I tell you, so-called "women's issues" are not limited to women, yet feminists love ignoring half of the population's concerns). Or that somehow the mere suggestion of the shape of a penis is intrinsically traumatizing (either to children, or to women - who are considered in the victim culture to be just as weak and vulnerable as children) in a way that pointy nipples and camel toe are decidedly not.

Um, right. That's totally fair. Simply put, it is sexist discrimination for speedos to be banned anywhere that bikinis are permitted. And the fact that feminists don't even address this issue - not even as a footnote - when talking about the cultural objectification of women makes me feel not only that feminism is not on my side (which is understandable, since I was not born a woman), but also that feminism is not about equality; rather, it is about female supremacy. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so allergic to a truly egalitarian approach to the issue, and they wouldn't be so quick to dismiss what they perceive as a "male" perspective (in spite of it being very unconventionally so). In conclusion, you may not like speedos, but your preferences have no jurisdiction over my choice to wear them. And banning them is antithetical to equality, so long as women continue to bare nearly all in their bikinis. And if you want to ban those, too, then you're quite simply an enemy of freedom.

The Porn Spectrum

I feel like people may be getting sick and tired of hearing about "spectrums" (spectra?) by now. First it was the sexuality spectrum - Kinsey's groundbreaking research into the shades of grey that exist between "gay" and "straight". Nowadays it's the gender spectrum - people existing at disparate points between "male" and "female" (and even living at multiple separate points simultaneously, or somewhere off of the spectrum entirely - more on that in another post). But regardless of whether anyone likes it or not (and why do people not like diversity and inclusivity?), spectrums are a useful way of looking at things. Unless you're a coin, very few things in life are legitimately black or white. Oversimplification can make things easier, but it can also obscure the full nature of reality.

In any case, I just came (that's what she said) to the realization that porn can be viewed as being on a spectrum, too. This isn't a new concept to me - I've argued in the past that most anti-porn activists are committing a logical fallacy by equating all porn with the particular kind (usually abusive) that they don't like. But using the idea of a spectrum - hey, that works great! Most people recognize the difference between hardcore and softcore porn, which is a good place to start. But unless they're trying to get off, few people actually make much of a distinction between the two. In their minds, it's all porn. But not all porn is the same. It shouldn't all be treated the same. And it shouldn't all be subject to the same rules and regulations.

For example, people frequently have a hard time determining whether something constitutes "porn", in order to be able to decide whether or not it needs to be censored - or, barring that, censured. In on-the-fence cases - like fine art nudes and nudist media - there's a wide margin for error, that often results in miscategorization. The fact of the matter is, anyone can use anything for porn. But that doesn't make it sexually explicit. If one person jerks off to a Home & Garden magazine, does that mean we should start selling it on the newsstands in an opaque sleeve, to protect innocent eyes? No, of course not! That wouldn't make sense. The FBI would have to start investigating gardeners for not getting written proof of age for the plants they've shared pictures of on Facebook.

The truth is, porn exists on a spectrum. Actually, it exists on a lot of spectrums. From softcore to hardcore, dressed to nude, non-contact to penetration, solo to group, consensual to nonconsensual, pain to pleasure, vanilla to kinky. All of these things vary in quantity and quality - and popularity. They encompass different acts with varying degrees of repercussions - physically, psychologically, and socially. Some of them are vastly different from the rest. They do not all demand the same treatment. The fact that snuff films (if they are more than just a fantasy) are unconscionable does not, for example, impugn the reputation of naked selfies. And if you like naked selfies, this can not, similarly, be construed as a tacit endorsement of snuff films. Understand?

[description: sexting photo of a nude male torso]
Social evil? Or wholesome fun?

"Gay" and "Straight" are Cis-sexist Terms

As a person with transgender experience, I find the terms "homo-" and "hetero-sexual" (and their colloquial equivalents - "gay" and "straight") to be problematic, because it is not clear whether they are referring to a person's physical sex or mental gender. And the cultural stereotype of the transsexual experience is a person born in the wrong body - whose gender doesn't match their sex, and who must embark on a journey to acquire conformity between their sex and gender. Which is ironically cis-sexist, because it presupposes that sex and gender must align in a stable individual. That, for example, a female-gendered person can't exist comfortably in a male body or vice-versa. Which has not been my experience.

Non-op transgendered individuals surely exist, but their experience is not part of the mainstream consciousness. And anyway, it complicates these terms - "gay" and "straight" - because without indicating whether they are referring strictly to physical sex or mental gender, they presuppose that the two are the same. Imagine that a woman born in a man's body identifies as female. Let's say she is attracted to men. Is she gay, or straight? In her mind, possessing the body she was meant to have - a female body - she would be straight. But let's say that while she still possesses the body of a man, she has a sexual experience with a man she is attracted to. Is the sex they have gay or straight? In the transwoman's mind, it may be straight, but to any outsider (as well as the man who is sexually engaging with a penis), it is a sexual experience between two individuals who each have a penis. How can that be anything other than gay? (I have to credit Liz Taylor from American Horror Story: Hotel for presenting me with this conundrum).

Granted, the transwoman's gender identity makes it more complicated than a straightforward cis-sexual experience - because the mind, and the gender identity of the participants, is an important aspect of a sexual experience. That's one reason why some people are specifically attracted to transgendered and transsexual individuals. You can be sexually oriented towards one sex and another gender. Some people may describe it as being attracted either to tomboys or girly men. In that case, what determines whether you describe a person's sexual orientation as gay or straight? Does it depend on the target of attraction's physical sex, or gender identity (or expression)? And is the answer to that question something that we would all be able to agree on, so that we can use consistent language? I would argue that these terms are simply not adequate to use in a trans-friendly framework - one that presupposes the possibility of a disparity between one's sex and gender.

I've created this graphic to illustrate my point. For the moment, we are ignoring the intersexed, in order to keep things relatively simple. On the left, we have what I call the "cis-framework", because it does not differentiate between sex and gender; they are presumed to be the same. As such, there are only males and females. A male/female pair is defined as being "straight", while a male/male pair is called "gay", and the female/female equivalent is termed "lesbian".

On the right, we have the "trans-framework", which differentiates between sex and gender. The symbol indicates physical sex, while the color refers to mental gender (we are assuming a binary gender, although the reality may be even more complicated than this). Thus, a blue male symbol refers to a cis-male (who identifies as the male gender), and a pink female symbol likewise refers to a cis-female. The previous pairings that are defined as being traditionally straight, gay, and lesbian are duplicated, this time with the matching genders filled in.

But now, you'll notice that we have the addition of transgendered individuals - a male symbol colored in as the female gender, and vice versa. These may be pre-op transsexuals in the midst of transitioning, so as to align their physical sex with their mental gender (and thus satisfy cis-sexual standards), or they could be non-op transgendered individuals who are comfortable having a sex and gender that do not match. Either way, when we start pairing them up with other individuals (whether cisgendered or transgendered), the terms "gay" and "straight" break down.

For example, try to define the pairings listed in the lower right corner. If two people who both identify as female have penis-in-vagina intercourse, is this gay or straight? What about two people who both identify as male? Is it still straight if the one with the penis identifies as female, and the one with the vagina identifies as male? What if they exclusively have anal sex with a strap-on, and never penis-in-vagina intercourse? Is that gay or straight? Is it any different if this same situation occurs between a cis-male and a cis-female? Is it gay if one member of a couple lives as a man, and the other as a woman, but they both have penises? Is it lesbian if they both have vaginas? Do they have to identify that way, even though doing so might "out" the transgendered partner who is trying to pass? Two men with vaginas could get by calling themselves gay, but are two women with penises allowed to identify as lesbian? Can you be "straight by day, but gay by night"? And if so, how does one differentiate this situation from that of a family man who secretly visits gay bars? Should the terms we use refer to romantic pairings or sex acts, since they cannot consistently be applied to both? Can two gay people have straight sex together, or vice versa?

I hope you see by now that when we include transgender individuals, our cis-sexual framework for sexual couplings falls apart. My solution to this problem would be to redefine our terminology for sexual orientation by referring only to who we are attracted to (e.g., man-attracted, woman-attracted), while indicating our own sex and gender separately. I call this SGO Notation (for sex, gender, orientation). But I'll have more to say about that in a future post.

Try This On For Size (Topfree Edition)

[description: fitting room selfie in a casual yellow sundress]

Welcome to another edition of Try This On For Size, in which I try on a series of bikini bottoms. Why just the bottoms? Honestly, because sometimes I feel like a prepubescent girl - bras and bikini tops serve no purpose on my relatively flat chest. In all seriousness, I did try on a few tops, but I didn't find any I absolutely loved, and none of them actually matched the bottoms I had picked up (it was a real mix-and-match crap shoot). Plus - who am I kidding? - the topless look is closer to being naked, and thus much sexier!

[description: topless fitting room selfies in assorted bikini bottoms]

File these under "utterly impractical". Not that they aren't workable (and they certainly look great on me), but modern society is having a hard enough time dealing with a man in a fully contained speedo, let alone a cute pair of bikini bottoms that only mostly holds him in. (Why are only women allowed to put their bodies on display like pieces of meat)? My friend is trying to convince me that I have an addiction to buying clothes I will never have an opportunity to wear. But can you blame me? What kind of world do we live in that I have no outlet - nowhere to go - where I can dress up to look super fricking hot? Without worrying about standards of decency, and adhering to gender stereotypes? I mean, would that be so terrible? I think we need more of that in this world, and not less. Are you with me or against me?

[description: nude fitting room selfies from front and back]

How You Look vs. How You Feel

We currently live in a very politically correct culture. PC culture is one of the bylanes on the highway to Hell - the kind that are paved with nothing but good intentions, but still generally lead you toward misery and suffering. Don't get me wrong. As a highly sensitive person, I don't think we should go around swinging slurs and insulting people, just because we have the freedom to do so. That's not an argument I'm making - that's not who I am. Sensitivity is wonderful. But there is a point where being politically correct can go too far. Where it runs the risk of limiting our freedom of speech, hampering our ability to speak honestly and express genuine feelings, and, as a result, stands in the way of spreading the truth.

Case in point, if you've ever read any kind of fashion guides or magazines (or articles online), you've probably come across a feature that explains how to dress to your body shape. Generally, there are certain kinds of clothes - styles, cuts, and patterns - that look good (from a communally accepted viewpoint derived by professionals, despite the fact that much of this is subjective) on certain body types and not others. This can be helpful advice to those looking to improve their image and learn how to dress in a way that flatters their natural assets (and obscures their biggest flaws). Obviously, this can also serve to make people feel bad about their bodies, because it puts a lot of emphasis on their superficial qualities, and tacitly implies that how you look is critically important.

My perspective on these kinds of things is that they're just a guide. And there is some validity to them (although individual results will always vary). I've learned, just in my own experience, that there are some clothes that look better on me than others. I have incredible legs - so I like to wear things that emphasize and show off my legs. One thing I've learned is that, while I love tank tops - since they actually cover up less of your body - I look better in sleeved shirts (even if the sleeves are very small). The reason for that is because the sleeves de-emphasize my broad shoulders, which works against the image I'm usually going for, which is femininity (note that another person who finds broad shoulders attractive might come to a different conclusion than I have). In the swimsuit realm, I've learned to avoid the bandeau-style tops (even though I love them), in favor of the stringed triangle tops, because the latter "break up" my shoulders better, the broadness of which is just emphasized by the "straight across" approach of the former.

[description: fitting room selfie in a loud-patterned pink bikini]

I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have a "bikini body" at all - although that's a hollow victory, because, mainly due to my anatomical equipment, I cannot realistically wear a bikini anywhere except maybe some kind of a fetish ball where having a very noticeable bulge, if not my genitalia hanging completely out, would not be a problem. But that's another thing. There's a movement - one which I wholeheartedly support, in intention, if not technical terms - that tries to claim that there is no such thing as a "bikini body". Anyone can wear a bikini to the beach (or pool, or waterpark, or whatever). And this is true. If you like bikinis, or for any reason want to wear a bikini, my view is that you should. But that doesn't change the fact that some bodies look better in bikinis than others.

Here's where sensitivity rubs up against truth in an uncomfortable way. The truth is that you may or may not look good in that bikini. But the bottom line is that if you want to wear it, for reasons other than "looking good" in some external, narrowly-defined way (including your subjective opinion that you do look good in it, despite what any pop culture fashion designer wants to claim), then you shouldn't be discouraged from wearing it. If wearing it makes you feel good (e.g., "fuck it, I'm wearing a bikini!"), then that's good enough. I want to see you at that beach owning that bikini!

[description: infographic emphasizing the importance of wearing what you like]

The conceptual problem here, I think, is that we assume that looks have more importance than they really do. And looks are important. But they're not the only thing that's important, and they're not even necessarily the thing that's most important - even when we're talking about clothes. How important that is is entirely up to you. These people telling you what you can and can't wear - looks are very important to them. But that doesn't mean they have to be important to you. I mean, there are professionals you can pay to have them tell you what colors you look good in. If you really care about your looks, then maybe that's something that would be worth doing. But if, on the other hand, you really like that outfit, then for the love of all that's holy, you should wear it and feel good in it, no matter what anyone else's opinion is!

[description: closeup of a torso in the fitting room wearing a loud-patterned teal bikini]

It's how you look and how you feel, and anyone who has ever criticized your looks is missing part of the equation. That doesn't mean that all this looks business is bogus - it's just that it's only part of the equation. So try to keep that in mind. We do not need to go around preventing people from giving advice (to those who care) about how they can improve the way they look (according to this or that narrowly-defined standard), just because we happen to have a terrible body image problem in this culture. Body image problems stem from believing that image is more important than it really is. The solution is not deluding ourselves into believing that image is meaningless - lies take a lot of work to maintain, and hamper our ability to judge reality. The solution is to simply place more emphasis on the fact that looks are not the end of the story. If you feel good, then what difference does it make how you look?

That's something I've learned as a nudist - not to judge people by how they look. Some people look good, and they're fun to look at. But that's not the end of the story. That doesn't determine that person's worth as a human being. If you're a looker, that's fine. If you're not, that's fine, too, because there are a million other good things you can be, like a friend, a companion, fun, funny, smart, insightful, athletic. And none of that depends on how you look or what you're wearing. So don't let your looks be the sole determinant of your self-worth. There's more to life than that.

tl;dr - it's not a bad thing to care about how you look, and want to improve your image. But there's a point at which caring about it too much becomes unhealthy. And you shouldn't convince yourself that you have to wait until you have the perfect body until you can start enjoying life. Looks are just the cherry on top of life. Do they make it better? Yeah. But you can still have a sundae without them!

Oral Fixation

[description: a face, tongue outstretched, approaches the genitalia of a nude torso]

Chalk this one up to an experiment in clone mischief. And the fact that, ever since I joined deviantART, I've been fascinated with the limits of permitted eroticism on that website. You can't post anything explicitly "pornographic", but a perusal of some of the on-the-edge works that go undeleted is like a crash course in pushing the boundaries, including not a few semi-erect penises, mouths positioned suspiciously close to another person's genitals, and, surprisingly, even a few hands-on demonstrations. By sight, this looks like a failure of the rules to prevent sexual images from surfacing, but in reality, it's a glowing success for the near-magical power of suggestion. If you permit images of genitals, and you permit images of tongues, you can restrict images of tongues on genitals, but that doesn't cover images that happen to contain tongues and genitals, not necessarily in contact with one another. Otherwise, you wouldn't be allowed to post a harmless picture of a naked man sticking his tongue out. You might not like this state of affairs, but I call it a victory for the human imagination.

[description: closeup portrait of a tongue about to touch the tip of a penis]

I had to try one myself. This last one would never be permitted on deviantART, however. God forbid, because a little bit of tumescent tissue makes it a completely different picture, doesn't it? Yeah, right. What kind of puritans are running the show that expressions of physical pleasure are considered an affront to common decency? Miserable penises are fine, but happy ones are unacceptable? Why?

[description: closeup portrait of a tongue reaching for the balls at the base of an erect penis]

Raw Bodies

[description: portrait of a nude man's lap, legs crossed and penis erect]

I like to create beautiful art, because one of my goals as an erotic artist is to prove that you can take pictures of naked bodies and sex acts in a way that is tasteful, and aesthetically appealing, by adhering to the classical rules of composition, and by striving to flatter the subject even in what are sometimes considered unflattering poses and situations. I try to avoid vulgarity partly because it simply doesn't appeal to me, and also because it tends to undermine this goal. That having been said, I'm not going to say that I will never (and have never) produced vulgar works, because I don't like to limit myself as an artist, and you have to push yourself to see where the lines - yours as well as those of society - will be drawn. And I've found that, on occasion, there is a certain draw to a raw, naked body, just lying there, unselfconsciously exposed, that is probably primal in nature. What do you think? Do you occasionally have the urge to just get down and dirty?

[description: similar portrait as above, this time with legs spread]

Clone Mischief

[description: a naked man stands, erection in hand, in front of another seated in a chair]

I would absolutely love to do some sexually explicit photoshoots. Not for the obvious reasons that GWCs tend to have - a pseudo-legitimate excuse to get girls to take their clothes off. If all I wanted was to see a naked girl, I could just look on the internet (which I do pretty much daily - for research purposes :p). What I want is an opportunity to create something beautiful. You know how serious I am about art. I want to apply my approach towards erotic art to sexually explicit encounters, to see what kind of beautiful, erotic portraits and bodyscapes I can create. To prove my claim that human sexuality can be depicted tastefully, and beautifully.

But there's a limit to what I can do with just one model. (And it's harder when that model's yourself). Not to disparage solo sexual acts - I consider masturbation to be sex as much as anything else (it's the safest form of sex, and one of the most important sexual skills a person can learn). But there's a limit to what one person can do with his own body (in terms of simple mathematics, the more bodies you have, the more combinations are possible -_^), and there's an added thrill when sex involves other people.

I've been using clones to play around with that idea, but it can only take me so far. Without contact, there's a wall I keep running up against. Exhibitionism is hot, but how many times can I depict one person watching another masturbate, or two people masturbating in front of each other, or three people masturbating themselves to the sight of a fourth, before it gets boring?

Okay, well, maybe it'll never get boring, but I'd still like to do more. But, with all the stigma out there about pornography and sexual expression, coupled with my extraordinary inability to cultivate a social network, it's just about impossible for me to find an attractive, photogenic subject willing to have sex on camera for anything other than private purposes, no matter how genuine my artistic intentions might be. So, I'm pretty much screwed. (And not in the fun way).

The Trouble With Thongs

[description: rear view of a man's torso in thong underwear, with insufficient containment]

The trouble with thongs - or, more accurately, the trouble with men wearing women's thongs - is that they don't hold your "stuff" in place. Now, you could argue that this is a bonus - and, hey, it might be sexy - but the situations where this sort of arrangement is practical are exceedingly rare. My perspective is that if there's no problem with your stuff hanging out, then why are you wearing a thong in the first place? You might as well go full monty!

Chances are, if you're wearing a thong, it's because you want a sexy pair of underwear that nevertheless keeps you "legal" and contained. Maybe it's to go under a skirt and contribute to the feeling of being as bare as possible, while still being dressed. Maybe it's to go under a dress and reduce visible panty lines. In any case, it's helpful to keep the equipment in line, and from swinging about freely, while also reducing the embarrassing need to constantly adjust yourself in public.

All of these are reasons why women's thongs are just not practical for men. But that's not to say that there are no good reasons for wearing them. While there do exist thongs for men that are designed for better containment, they are not always an ideal solution. For one thing, they tend to be far more difficult to find in stores, compared to the women's variety. And the ones you do find are almost exclusively designed with men's "tastes" in mind. Sure, you can find men's thongs in leopard prints and whatnot, but those are just generically sexy. Good luck finding a pink one with a heart print.

The truth is, for those of us men who like thongs because they are more feminine, it can be practically impossible to find a style designed for men, but with pretty, feminine colors and patterns. Also, since men have more to contain, it's harder to find the skimpier (and, thus - in the opinions of some - sexier) styles of thongs - t-backs, g-strings, and the like. All of these things may be available at niche boutique stores that can be found online (carrying a multitude of erotic inventory), but they can tend to cost you a lot of money (especially when factoring in shipping), and lack the convenience of simply being able to pick some up while you're at the store.

None of these obstacles, however, should stop you from seeking out and wearing thongs - whether they are designed for men or women, bought at the store or online - if you happen to like wearing thongs, or are curious and have yet to try one out. Certainly, thongs can be an acquired taste for some, and they do unfortunately carry a certain level of stigma (but don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself just because you want to look or feel sexy!). Some people think they are extremely uncomfortable, while others find them the most comfortable kind of underwear in existence - it's just a matter of taste. Don't be afraid to discover your own. :-)

Can Gender Identity Determine Sexual Orientation?

Short answer: No.
Long answer: One may influence the other in some cases, but not in a deterministic way that would enable accurate prediction. Read on - the following is basically my thoughts on the hypothetical situation where, upon learning that someone is "trans", a person might assume they can deduce that person's sexual orientation. Or, in other words, the "only gay men wear dresses" fallacy.

It is obvious to me (more so than it apparently is to some others) that sex and gender are two very different things (and that orientation is something else altogether). One of them has more to do with your anatomy and physiology, and the other has more to do with your psychology and personality. That there are two obvious sexes and two obvious genders (at least - gender is a far more nebulous concept than sex), and that the majority of the population goes through life never seriously questioning the traditional pairing of these (i.e., men are masculine, and women are feminine), explains why those who experience life otherwise are a commonly misunderstood (or downright ignored) minority. But it doesn't diminish the value of their experiences, the legitimacy of their identity, or their claim to the same rights and freedoms the rest of us have.

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that sexual orientation and gender identity are completely independent of one another. I believe they can have strong influences on each other. But the fact is that different people ultimately come to different conclusions (about what gender they identify with, and what "sex" they are attracted to), and the determination of one isn't enough to predict the other. Just as some males can be masculine and others can be feminine (and some females can be feminine while others are masculine), a person who identifies as the male gender may be attracted to either males or females (or both, or something else altogether), and the same can be said of a person who identifies as the female gender. The antiquated notion that if a man identifies as female, for example, he must be sexually attracted to men, is blatantly heteronormative - denying the existence of females who are attracted to other females - and gender normative - assuming that no "red-blooded" male who is attracted to females could have stereotypically feminine interests.

I can't, personally, say that my sexual orientation hasn't influenced my gender identity, in the sense that I am fascinated by females so much, I began to think I'd enjoy being one; and after experimenting, discovered that it fit me so much better than a male identity ever has. In a different case, a person with a sexual attraction to males (who, as a male, would be labeled "gay"), might begin to identify more with females from something of a vaguely heteronormative (which is NOT to say homophobic) perspective, in the sense of wanting to be the "female" to a male's desire. To be true, this is not how all (or probably even most) gay men feel. And the sex (or sexes) that one is attracted to does not necessarily impact the gender they identify with - they are two different feelings, two different "senses". But it's just one of a variety of fabulous possibilities.

Which is why I can't say that sexual orientation and gender identity are completely independent of one another, in all cases. But at the same time, it should be kept in mind that they are not determinant predictors of one another, either. In logical terms, if A may influence B or C, then it could be said that there is a connection between them, but knowing that something is A is not sufficient to predict whether it will align with B or C - as both possibilities exist. You cannot look at a woman and know with a glance whether she is straight or lesbian (or something else). It is no less true that you cannot look at a man wearing a dress and know instantly who or what he is sexually attracted to.

Nude Camping

[description: front and back portraits of a nudist carrying a camp chair and volleyball]

So I went nude camping the other weekend. Played a little volleyball. Got some sun (but not too much). Being out of the lifestyle for several months (over the winter), it's always an interesting experience coming back. By now (this being my seventh year in the social scene), it's all very familiar to me, but there are still some things that one tends to look at in different ways as one's mindset changes. Having read much discussion online about one of organized nudism's biggest challenges - drawing a younger audience to replace the aging nudist population (I have to be honest, I consider the fact that most kids raised in nudism abandon the lifestyle in their teens to be a critical failure of nudism) - it was interesting for me to consider just how little the typical nudist camp experience (at least as I've known it) appeals to a stereotypical younger demographic. I mean, even the whole "drinking and partying late into the night" thing which all the aging attendees love to do (contrary to anyone who might think otherwise) seems less appealing when you're in a clubhouse with old and sagging bodies, instead of a nightclub filled with hot, young, nubile flesh.

I hate to be superficial - I really do. One of the amazing things about nudism is that you learn to judge people based on their personality, and not their looks. Somebody with a nice body could be a total a-hole, while someone else with a decidedly less "aesthetic" figure could be a total sweetheart. And seeing what happens to everybody's bodies as we grow older puts things into perspective. One of nudism's enduring and most redeeming features is its support of body acceptance. At the same time, I've never considered this position incompatible with the truth that beauty (even just pure, raw, physical beauty) is a virtue in and of itself, deserving of admiration. And one of the tenets of nudism that I regret to see has gone somewhat by the wayside these days is the emphasis on fitness.

I'm an all-inclusive kind of person, and if you want to drink and smoke and get piercings and tattoos and sit on your ass and grill steaks on the barbie, then have at it. It's [nominally] a free country, and if that's what makes you happy, then by all means, don't let me get in the way of your happiness. At the same time, I wouldn't mind seeing those of us who do appreciate physical fitness (both as participants and as spectators) having more opportunities and being given more leeway to indulge those interests. I know, there's a whole judgment culture that goes along with that that tends to be damaging to a body acceptance perspective. I'm not saying there aren't pitfalls to navigate. But I think they're worth navigating, instead of just picking a side. Like how I've explained my perspective on beauty pageants (a mostly outdated tradition in modern nudism - at least of the American variety). The competition aspect is perhaps not all that positive (although it still seems to be accepted in terms of athletic demonstrations, for better or worse), but I don't see what's the harm in continuing to celebrate, if in a more egalitarian manner.

Anyway, another one of my enduring regrets about the organized nudist scene is the total fear of cameras. It's a justified fear, to be sure, but it's still one I think we'd be better off overcoming. To be realistic, I don't see that happening anytime soon (although a nudist revolution - perhaps sparked by a younger demographic attached to their mobile devices, if it weren't so nonexistent - could introduce drastic and unforeseen changes). But I'm dedicated to it enough not to give up on it. To me, the risk of some stranger taking my picture is smaller than the gains I could receive from being able to photograph the nudist lifestyle. Granted, I'm in a somewhat unique position in that I don't have a reputation that needs to be protected (there are already naked pictures of me on the internet - put there deliberately by none other than myself; and I have nothing to lose by anyone learning that I am a nudist - indeed, I do not make that fact a secret), and that I happen to be a photographic artist (with the interest and the talent to create beautiful works of art on the subject of nudism, and not simply snapshots of naked people to share with my friends and laugh at/jerk off to, as the case of your worst nightmare might be - although, notice how neither of those contingencies are exactly end-of-the-world scenarios).

I've spent a lot of time thinking about a way to get around this obstacle - of wanting to shoot a subject that doesn't like to be shot at - but it's a thorny problem with no clear solution, especially to one such as me who has a hard time in the "social networking" game, and is also just liberated enough to make most people uncomfortable. That's all I can say for now, as it's an open case. Suffice to say, I'd love to take action shots of myself or others (but I could settle for myself) engaged in interesting physical activities like playing volleyball out in the sunshine, but until I can work out a solution to this problem, you'll have to settle for something decidedly less genuine. Just...use your imagination.

[description: portraits at different angles of a nudist simulating hitting a volleyball]

Try This On For Size (Frustrations)

Come join me once again in the fitting room. It's easy! All you have to do is grab a few things off the racks, take them to the fitting room, and then get naked!

[description: fitting room selfies in casual clothes, and naked]

Okay, you'll probably want to keep your underwear on while trying on clothes. But don't let that stop you from stripping nude just to take a few pictures! Because how often do you get to do that while you're out shopping?

Now, let's try on some clothes!

[description: fitting room selfies from front and back, in a light pink dress]

This pink dress was just adorable, but, unfortunately - and not for the last time this day - it was kind of a little, shall we say, "transparent". It's too bad, because the lacy strip through the middle that shows off a little skin is super flirty. Now, if you ask me, wearing a dress that practically amounts to a "second skin" is kind of sexy in and of itself, but I really don't think those high-definition nipples and obvious bulge would go over very well among the general population, especially when I'm trying to go incognito. (I'd prefer not to have to go incognito, and just have everybody accept me as a beautiful man in a dress, without trying to pass as a girl, but society doesn't work that way...yet).

[description: fitting room selfie in an open black robe, naked underneath]

This thing here was something between a black dress, a trench coat, and a one-piece suit. I thought it might be an interesting and more feminine alternative (for formal occasions) to a women's-cut business suit, but the fact that I was more interested in what was underneath it doesn't bode well. In fairness, though, black outfits really don't photograph well in this light. (It's a good thing I'm so pale!).

[description: fitting room selfie in a thin, jade green dress]

Oh my god, this shirt-dress thing was so soft and comfortable! I could totally see myself lounging around in it like a pair of pajamas. Unfortunately, though, like the pink dress above, it leaves nothing to the imagination. I have very little "body dysphoria" directed at my genitals (they serve their purpose -_^), but if ever I've hated having a penis, it's when I'm trying on clothes designed for vagina-bearers. I loved this piece to death, but it just didn't make sense for me to buy it, because 1) I could never really wear it out, and I'm getting sick of filling my closet with beautiful things I can never actually wear (it's getting depressing), and 2) I would probably never wear it as pajamas or "just around the house" because - let's be honest, if I'm in a setting where I don't have to hide my penis, I'm not going to be wearing anything. So that's that. :-\

[description: fitting room selfies from front and side, in a frilly strapless coral prom dress]

I'm still looking for that elusive perfect prom dress. Add this one to the long list of ones that just don't fit me. A shame, because I loved this one - the cut, the style, and my god, the color! It was more of a reddish orange (coral, really) than the pink it looks like in this picture, but regardless, it was beautiful. But I couldn't even zip it up all the way. By far, the number one issue I have with fancy dresses like this is that they don't fit around my [apparently] massive rib cage. Not that I don't have a thin enough waist, or wide enough hips, or even a chest that's too flat (although that one is often a problem, depending on the cut of the dress). No. It's my stupid ribs. Or in some cases, my wide shoulders. I swear to god, somebody needs to start a clothing line designed for men who like ultra-feminine, girly dresses and other clothing (including shoes! - my god, it's impossible to find cute shoes in my size; all the size twelves tend to be super-tacky - like, why? just because I have big feet doesn't mean they aren't cute!). A niche audience, perhaps, but one that's under-represented! Hell, I'd even volunteer to be the spokesmodel!

Anyway. Here are a couple more nudes - because, why not? Life can always be improved by a few more nude selfies. Don't forget to share!

[description: nude fitting room selfies]

See you next time!

Outfit of the Day (#ootd)

[description: car selfie wearing a short pink minidress]

This little pink "pool slip" is one of my favorite things to wear when I'm headed out to a nudist resort, because it's so simple and skimpy (I like it so much, I own two!). It's just one piece - easy to slip on and off (yet the tie at the top helps keep it in place so it's not constantly slipping down, seeing as I don't have breasts to help hold it up with) - and it doesn't cover very much (short of baring my midriff - it's about as skimpy as a one piece slip can get), but keeps me "legal" for things like stores and restaurants (which a simple pair of shorts, or a skimpy swimsuit, might not do). Plus, it's always fun to wear really short skirts with thongs underneath, for a more "naked" feeling. (I'd go commando if it weren't for the fact that I need to put my "equipment" in a tool box - sadly, society is not yet ready for a dong flopping about underneath a skirt - the bulge is enough for me to worry about as it is). It's cute, and flirty, and represents the best of what summer is all about - showing off skin!