Thirsty Eyes

(I wrote this while lying in bed, trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep).

The thing with nudity is, people think "ew, naked bodies are gross." And yeah - I'm sorry, but... a lot of naked bodies are gross. As a nudist, you learn to get over it. That's worth consideration on its own, but it's beside the point I want to make right now. Some bodies aren't gross. In fact, they're magnificent! Yeah, there's a subjective element involved. But there's a certain level of objectivity, too. Consider the advertising industry. A certain model may or may not be to your particular tastes, but a professional artist caters to a generalized sense of aesthetics. Repulsion isn't the only alternative to desire.

So, my perspective is this - these objectively attractive bodies? I want to see more of them. That's it. It's so simple. I want to be surrounded by them on a daily basis. Whether it's people in the flesh (the more effective approach), or photographic representations (the far more practical scenario) - either way. I worship at the altar of aesthetic beauty and tasteful eroticism. And the human body - not just any body, but particular bodies, especially those that have been trained for exhibition - that is the most appealing subject to my eye. I'll take as much of it as I can get. And if there's not enough naked beauty in my life to satisfy me, I'll just make my own.

Filter Emojis

Advertising nude photography is challenging, to say the least - I could say a whole lot more about that, but that's not the purpose of this post. Suffice to say, it's a sensitive subject; one that not everyone is comfortable with, carries a lot of stigma, often runs afoul of community standards, and may sometimes even come into conflict with the law (since we humans weirdly have a complex about the bodies we all inhabit, and love to punish people just for looking at them). Nevertheless, while it hasn't been a groundswell by any means, the curiosity I've been met with when hinting about the focus of my artistic work is greater than zero. So, I've been toying with the idea of releasing a gallery portfolio of some of what I feel are my best and most marketable images. Not to shove in anybody's faces, but to provide as a voluntary option for those with some interest.

Of course, I would want it to be as accessible as possible, while also not undermining my mission statement, which is to exhibit the beauty (and sometimes eroticism) of the human body, absent arbitrary and superficial taboos surrounding our anatomy. Toward that end, I've been brainstorming ways to categorize and filter my images, so as to enable viewers to cater the experience of browsing my portfolio to their individual comfort level - so that general audiences could "step into the gallery" (metaphorically speaking, as it would almost certainly be done online), confident that they're not going to be exposed to anything they'd prefer not to see, while at the same time giving bolder viewers the option to see more.

And I think I've come up with a system that's fun, but effective, while also being inoffensive - which is to say, it won't require the most sensitive of viewers to endure a bunch of language or symbolism describing or depicting the very things they wish to avoid. It's based around the usage of common emojis to symbolize levels of exposure that will be encountered in my photography, so viewers can choose how much they're comfortable with seeing. Now, I could have gone with a food-based theme, based on popular trends. But I decided instead to use a space/weather/science theme, which is a little bit less ribald (I mean, looking at symbols of peaches and eggplants is pretty suggestive all by itself), but allows for a pretty effective gradation of exposure and coverage of themes. Plus, I relate more to science and weather than food. Anyway, tell me what you think of it.

[Cloud]
"Fully dressed."
(Basically just a background/default category, but could describe some of my fashion/glamour portraits).

[Mostly Cloudy/Partly Sunny]
"Dressed, but in minimal clothing."
(This could be useful for describing some of my skimpier outfits, including swimsuits and underwear.)

[Partly Cloudy/Mostly Sunny]
"Effectively naked, but with the sensitive bits covered."
(This would be a great category for the safest of my nudes; the kind where I'm either posed coyly or with an object or feature of the environment blocking the view.)

I imagine that the above categories would be revealed by default, since they show nothing scandalous, or that would get anybody into trouble. And though that definitely includes blatant implied nudity, that is the name of the game, after all.

[Crescent Moon]
"Partially exposed buttocks."
(These are relatively safe nudes - all things considered - but slightly more scandalous and less coy than the Partly Cloudy category.)

[Full Moon]
"Fully exposed buttocks."
(Pretty self-explanatory. Definitely cheeky, if you'll forgive the pun, but still tamer than full frontal nudity. This is stuff they don't even bother to censor on Naked and Afraid.)

[Sun]
"Full frontal nudity."
(Here's the bread and butter of my artistic showcase. I think many of my frontal nudes are relatively innocuous, but society has this weird hangup about genitals. Go figure.)

[Dark Side of the Moon]
"Explicit nudity from the back."
(Because sometimes you can see everything from the back - and I don't mean just the butt. And I feel like that's, in a way, more explicit than seeing it from the front.)


The next two categories probably won't be included in a public gallery. Not because I don't have a lot of great art that crosses the line into explicit eroticism, but because anything that could credibly be described as "pornographic" runs the added risk of legal complications. But I include them here for the sake of completion.

[Star]
"Absolute exposure - nothing is left to the imagination."
(Reserved for images that feature graphic nudity, in a way that is less likely to be considered tastefully erotic, and more likely to be interpreted as outright pornographic.)

[Rocket]
"Contains explicit themes of sexuality."
(I've gotta have a category for my beautiful erection photos, right? I mean, not for public consumption, I guess - but theoretically speaking...).

Finally, we have three more designations that could be added as modifiers. The first two to temper the severity of a given category, and the last to enhance it. I could imagine using them to gently guide viewers to step outside of their comfort zone (only with their consent), or in the last case, to caution viewers about particularly arresting images (with the option, of course, to disable such warnings if desired).

[Fog]
"Anatomy is visible but partially obscured."
(There are always going to be images that straddle the line or defy categorization. This way I can denote those exceptions without excluding or misidentifying them.)

[Telescope]
"Anatomy is visible, but only from a distance."
(Because I feel that at a certain distance, even full-on nudity loses much of its sting, and that fact deserves recognition.)

[Microscope]
"Anatomy is visible up close and in detail."
(I don't know how many close-up shots I would include in a public gallery, but they definitely pack more of a punch, and I feel that deserves its own warning.)

Anyway, this is just a proof of concept. There's still the matter of implementing such a filtering system in the context of a photo gallery, which I'm not sure yet how I'm gonna manage (I'm better with ideas than implementation). But I really like the concept. I think it's playful, and I think it suits my needs quite well. And it's fun to look through my photos and figure out how each one would be categorized under this system. There are borderline cases of course, but I think it's fairly comprehensive!

Pride and Shame

I'm not immune to social stigma; in fact, I'm pretty sensitive to it. So it's definitely a little embarrassing to think that of all things - particularly in light of my intellect and upbringing - I might be remembered (in the final analysis) for how much I like[d] to take pictures of myself naked. But listen, it was a fun and harmless hobby that I initially kept to myself (and, well, internet strangers seeking out that sort of thing, whom I would never meet or have a conversation with in real life), but that turned out to have a rich artistry that I've come to appreciate deeply.

Yes, it's a fine line - tiptoeing between the thrill of transgressing a taboo (while shining light on the natural beauty of something that carries undue stigma within polite society - it's because the taboo feels unjust that I delight in transgressing it; I'm not trying to tear down the fabric of society here) and crossing over into the territory of scandalous indecency. Actually, it can be an exciting dance to perform; and I won't lie, my studies of the aesthetics of the human body have taken me in various directions, in the absence of certain preconceived notions about its "proper" depiction in the realm of fine art, denuded (if you will) of any overt sexual connotation.

But I understand context and audience, and I maintain that there is a level on which nude art may be appreciated, not completely sterilized of its sometimes erotic undertones, but by a somewhat more reserved and sophisticated eye - the way that Michelangelo's David or the Venus de Milo can stand proudly (and publicly) in a museum, to the adoration of any who pass by.

That's not to say that I'm placing myself alongside the greats of art history. I don't even create beauty; I just steal it from nature. In the grand scheme, I don't consider myself to be a terribly accomplished artist. However, I believe I do very well within my limited means. I have no classical training, and mental illness constitutes a significant obstacle to my ability to grow and collaborate within a larger community. That said, I've been working on honing my craft consistently for the past fifteen years, and there has been considerable improvement.

I may not be the best right now that I will ever be, but I also have to consider that age is beginning to place its own limitations on my abilities to work both in the physically demanding capacity of a self-portrait model (which involves a lot of muscle tension and a surprising amount of running around), as well as that of a photo processing editor, which involves a mind-numbing volume of repetitive actions performed while sitting stiffly in front of a monitor - hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and so on, however long it takes until the work is done.

I don't know if I'll ever be better than I am now, but I know that I am better than I was in the past, and even if the best I'll ever be isn't good enough to warrant any kind of critical attention, or even justify the pride I feel at what I've accomplished (knowing every step of the journey I've taken to reach this point), it's all I've got. It's all I have to show for myself. Whether it's enough or not - whether I'm enough or not - it represents all that I am. It's the most sincere and original product to come from my passionate and creative mind thus far in my life. For better or worse, you can take it or leave it. I've done what I can. How you regard it - how you regard me, and the deficit between your expectations and my reality - is up to you.

[description: a nude figure with legs crossed lies on the floor in front of several framed art prints]
But please be kind, because I can't rewind.

Afterword: I wrote this as a creative exercise while brainstorming ways to introduce my family to my nude photography. Not that it's any big secret that this is part of who I am and what I've done with my life. It's just that, when you start taking naked pictures of yourself, it's something that you instinctively compartmentalize from other aspects of your life.

Like, it was originally something I did for my girlfriend when I was a teenager, which makes this all a little bit awkward. But my interest in the art form (which emerged very early on) has evolved far beyond the purposes of my private sex life. I see myself as a legitimate artist, and not just a "purveyor of smut". And the people who are important to me - I'd love to fold them more into that, so they can share with me in the pride of my successes (such as they are), the way people in just about any other line of work (and especially the creative arts) can do.

That is, assuming I'm not deluding myself about whether there is any merit to the art I produce beyond its superficial value as masturbation fodder. If I were to create a great work of nude art - that is not simply erotic (although it may be that), but is technically accomplished and aesthetically satisfying - does it deserve a position on the refrigerator? Or does it only belong inside somebody's locker? I guess you could say that's my goal as an artist - to take pin-ups out of the locker, and put them on the refrigerator. But I have to ask myself, what is my motivation? Am I trying to legitimize an unfairly stigmatized genre? Am I trying to defang a python, and domesticate it so it can be kept as a pet? Or is this all just an expression of my exhibitionism - the desire to display... well, desire out in the open?

But it's not as though I'm unconcerned with matters of taste and aesthetics. And I don't say that just to make excuses. I think people should cringe at the thought of low effort porn being exposed to the light of day (in the privacy of your bedroom, however, you should feel free to go wild). While at the same time, I feel that a masterpiece of artistic eroticism should be plastered on billboards without an ounce of shame. And, I mean, it kind of already is, if you look at the glamour and advertising industries. But there's still this completely arbitrary taboo on nudity. Unclothed bodies can be just as tastefully artistic as a pop star in skin-tight gold lamé (and moreso, if you ask the nudists); it's not about how much is shown, but how it's shown.

Anyway, I'm undecided as to whether I should try to aim for relatability and address the elephant in the room ("I know it sounds weird, but here's what I think is great about taking off my clothes and trying to make art"), or if it would be better to take a more dignified approach and not give voice to those doubts, and just let the people who think it's weird feel like they're the ones who are weird for thinking that in the first place ("if you'd ever studied art history, you'd know this is normal"). I could see the merit in either approach.

Watermarks

(The following is something that came to mind while I was methodically watermarking my images one day).

My watermarks aren't really designed to prevent theft. Because even though I could make it more frustrating for thieves to steal my work, there's a tradeoff point at which it starts to detract from the art. And let's be honest, if a thief is determined enough, he'll find a way. I don't condone it, but I'm not gonna wring my hands and let it ruin my enjoyment of sharing the art I create. Plus, I don't just produce images, I consume them too, so I know what it's like to be on the other side of the screen, and I know how the photo sharing community operates. I don't position myself in opposition to a community I identify with, and I'm not out to condemn perfectly reasonable fair use applications of my work, because I don't want to be a hypocrite.

The reason I use watermarks is partly to claim my copyright in an official capacity, but mostly as a tool to aid the relationship between art and audience - so that people who see my work will know who made it, and will be able to seek out more like it. Yes, it helps me by establishing my brand and serving as a low-key form of advertising, but it's also for the benefit of fans. I don't want to be obnoxious or pretentious, so I try to maintain the right balance, but I do also respect the value of copyright, and the importance of an artist to confidently claim ownership of their work. That's why I continue to watermark my images, even though it increases my workload, and can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

When I'm deciding how to put watermarks on my images, I approach the process primarily from a perspective of good faith, and not with the intention to deter bad actors. Some might call me idealistic and naive, but I prefer to think of it in terms of positivity and kindness. Because if you're not respecting my copyright (and really, I'm quite lenient, as long as you follow common sense - my main concern is other people taking credit for my work, as well as any money that should rightfully be going into my pocket), then you're not respecting me. And if you like the art I produce, then why would you disrespect the person who produced it? We are all vulnerable to exploitation in this world. My goal is to spread happiness and joy, while counting on being someone that I would hope people would not WANT to exploit. And it may simply be because I'm just not that popular, but so far, it has worked for me.

Naked As The Day

Chapter 1

I was born naked. I wasn't raised that way, but I eventually found my way back - in fits and spurts. I remember running through the sprinkler at 8 years old, being startled by the neighbor girl peeking through the fence. Around 14, I borrowed my parents' camcorder for a school science project, and satisfied my curiosities about the human body (before destroying the evidence). In college, I didn't see any reason to carry anything more than a towel through the halls of my dorm on the way to the shower. As an adult, I'd take summer strolls through my suburban neighborhood in the middle of the night, always on alert for passing cars, getting spooked by the occasional motion sensing porch light. I kept these excursions a secret due to social convention and the fear of being accused of indecent exposure (soon to be an antiquated concept), but I was never bothered by the fundamental idea of being seen without being dressed.

[description: a distant figure stands silhouetted by the foggy lights of a tree-lined street at night]

Which is why I was intrigued when I first heard about the U.S. government voting on a provision to guarantee its citizens the unassailable right to spend their birthdays in what is colloquially referred to as their "birthday suit". In other words, naked as a jaybird. I'm not gonna lie, it's a pretty radical experiment. But we're living in exciting times, after all. Having spent years on the brink of global catastrophe, the ever-growing rift between political factions has finally imploded - mostly on account of elder conservatives dying off and being replaced by younger, more progressive activists. As it goes. For once, I feel excited about the future. We're even finally taking measures to combat climate change - and one of them is a dramatic overhaul of the textile industries.

Fast fashion has given way to fashion fasting - that is, abstaining from clothing. It is by no means widespread - yet. But search the hashtag on TikTok and you'll see an endless stream of people embracing the "No Laundry" challenge, lounging at home in their underwear - or less. Slowly, but surely, our culture is becoming less scandalized and more accustomed to skin exposure, as the planet heats up and the clothes come off. Social media algorithms are in the process of being reprogrammed NOT to flag the human body for censure. The Guardian recently reported on Mark Zuckerberg's procurement of the web domain for Skinbook, pivoting focus from his floundering metaverse (rejected by a generation grown up in lockdown, and bored with social isolation), likely in anticipation of the wave of nudes that will begin to be shared once society realizes it's no longer taboo.

But we're not there just yet. A trendy minority might be having clothing optional house parties with friends (and friends of friends), but I don't see random people walking around naked in public. With the passing of this new law, however - guaranteeing citizens the right to dress down (all the way down, to their skin) on their birthdays - that's exactly what I'm expecting. It'll probably be a few years before the practice really takes off (if it ever does), but I'm excited to be on the vanguard of this revolutionary social change. I can't pass up this opportunity - I was born for it! How many people will take advantage of their newfound freedom the first year? Not many, I imagine. That's why it's up to people like me to show them the way. There's just one problem: my birthday's in January.

[description: a man stands outside in the snow wearing only a birthday sash and party hat]

(To be continued...?)

Obsessed With Nudity

"Am I obsessed with you?
I do my best not to want you.
But I do all the time - want you all the time."

These lyrics are from Obsessed - one of my favorite deep cuts by Miley Cyrus (who also sang, more recently, "I'm completely naked but I'm making it fashion"), from the same EP that gave us Party in the USA.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with nudity. If I think about it rationally, I probably wouldn't even be that thrilled about a world where public nudity is mainstream, just on account of the fact that most people aren't that great to look at. And if the typical nudist mindset is any indication, it may well be the case (at least on a statistical level) that people who are more attractive will cover up to avoid attention, while the ones who do undress will be the type who don't give a damn about appearances. I hate to give voice to a common nudist myth ("it's never the ones you want to see naked..."), but we are talking about my fears and anxieties here. And on that subject, not everyone is as meticulous about hygiene as I am...

But when I think about it emotionally, there is 1) that apparition of beauty that haunts me, causing me to envision a nudist utopia where everybody is beautiful, coupled with 2) the simple knowledge of the sensation of how great it feels to be naked and exposed, indoors and out. The former is basically voyeurism, and the latter borders uncomfortably on exhibitionism. Which begs the question, why are "pure" nudists even that invested in nudism, if the more you "like" nudity, the more of a pervert you must be? And would I be so invested in it, if I weren't such a beautiful creature to begin with, that I get to look at in the mirror on a daily basis?

[description: a dashing male figure with long hair stands naked before a bathroom mirror]
Please don't make me cover this up!

Certainly, there's nothing wrong with having a fantasy in my head of a world filled with naked supermodels, but am I crazy to try to apply my desire for that to the real world? Am I opening a door expecting models to flood out, when really there are just "average" people waiting on the other side? Would I really like going out in public naked, hanging out with friends and family, only to discover (and I'm just speculating here) that my enjoyment of nudity has a fundamental sexual component? How awkward that would be! (In my defense, I have demonstrated not only an interest in nonsexual social nudism, but the ability to engage in it without incident).

In the meantime, the concept still thrills me, and if nothing else, it's something that gives me joy to explore - partly in my head, but also partly out in a section of the real world, mostly isolated from others. And isn't that just how tribes gather and practice their interests? Do I need nudism to be mainstream, or is it that what I really need is just more nudist friends? It's lonely being the only person you know in any meaningful radius that has any kind of dedication to a lifestyle that your identity is suffused with. I can't just sign up for the local nudist league, because there isn't one!

[description: fifteen identical nude figures gather for a backyard barbecue]
I tried creating my own, but the only person that showed up was me.

And what if nudists aren't the right people, after all? What of the potential erotic component? I'm not looking for hookups or sexual partners or to engage in any orgies. But if there's a little bit of a naughty edge to the proceedings, I don't want to be ostracized for it. But I also probably don't want to share that with just anyone - it has to be someone I like and trust and am comfortable being around, yet probably also someone who isn't looking to have a sexual relationship with me, and won't feel that they're being "led on" - why does it have to be so complicated?!

Honestly, I had a lot of hope for the community of artists I was interacting with online a couple of summers ago. These were people who not only understood the artistic drive, but were experienced working with nudity, accepting of the erotic arts, yet still (as far as I can gauge) respecting of personal boundaries. (Also, they weren't people who were already drooling over my body). These are the kind of people I want to hang out with. To collaborate with. But they're scattered, and preoccupied with modern trends I don't follow, and I don't have the people skills OR possibly even the artistic pedigree (that's a matter of opinion, but I don't think I'm the most unbiased person to ask) to demand their time or attention (let alone being valuable enough to have them demanding mine), and not simply be a desperate hanger-on.

[description: a nude figure hangs limply from the trunk of a fallen tree]
But I am desperate. And at this point, I'm just hanging on.

Not to end on a depressing note, but I'm going to end on a depressing note. It seems to me that the only way I can get anyone interested in me as a person, or in the workings of my beautiful mind, is if I can first get them addicted to my body. Is my obsession with naked beauty a distraction from what else I have to offer? Am I doing myself a disservice by focusing on it to the exclusion of other things? But I do genuinely value it, and I don't want to have to jettison that aspect of my passions. And frankly, I'm afraid to dump the one part of me that has the tiniest bit of traction, for fear of being trapped in an empty auditorium, my words echoing off the walls, as I stand there listening to myself talk.

It's not that I don't have confidence in what I have to offer - my position may not be very relatable, but I think I have a very insightful perspective to share with the world. But if I put myself out there time and time again, only to be greeted by none other than my dear old friend, the crickets - at a certain point I have to start wondering if the problem is me. Am I just not that interesting? Or am I operating on a level beyond what most people are capable of perceiving? And if so, why do I even exist? What's my purpose? Because it's definitely not to lead a conventional lifestyle - being a mindless breeder worker bee. I have human desires, but I lack normal human abilities. My life is a cosmic joke.

Birthday Suit Prompt

So, I watched the Purge movies this past Halloween, and I think the idea of a holiday where crime is legal is a fascinating thought experiment. But the movies are unfortunately preoccupied with violence, when there is so much more you could do with the idea, especially on the subject of "consensual crime".

Now, I've had this thought for a while, but every year around my birthday I think about how I want to spend it in my birthday suit, and how it feels unjust that I can't go to my own birthday party without covering up (and if I'm just spending the day naked at home alone, then how is that any different from a regular day?). And this year it led me to hammer out what I think would be an intriguing writing prompt.

Maybe this would never work in a million years in the real world, but I think it would make for some pretty interesting stories, that could explore various facets - both positive and negative - of a world not terribly unlike our own, being exposed to public nudity (without being completely inundated with it, which would take us even further from reality). Here it is:

Writing Prompt: The government passes new legislation defending every citizen's freedom to go nude in public on the annual date of their birthday (as confirmed by official ID). All other laws remain in effect (including restrictions on public displays of sexuality), except those which would render it a crime to simply be undressed (e.g., indecency, harassment, etc. require offending behavior above and beyond mere exposure of the genitals). Businesses cannot restrict access or otherwise engage in discrimination based solely upon a person's state of dress. Jobs that require special equipment or uniforms for reasons of health or safety must provide alternate provisions, such as paid time off.

For this prompt, I would expect writers to explore what would happen in the wake of the passing of this new law. What pitfalls, expected or unexpected, might result? Who would take advantage of this new freedom? Would you? And what would that look like? Would some people end up getting themselves into trouble? What kind of longterm effects would this experiment have on society? Would public nudity eventually be completely normalized, or would citizens rally together and overturn this new law? Optionally, you might choose to consider what conditions led to the passing of the birthday suit law. Was it a groundswell of public opinion? A libertarian experiment? Or a nudist candidate imposing a "tyranny of the minority"?

I wish I myself had more experience writing stories. I love to pose hypothetical thought experiments like this one, but I always get boggled down in details - so many people would approach the situation so differently, it's impossible to predict what kind of effect it would have at any kind of scale. And how do you reconcile a premise that contradicts reality (e.g., a society that will defend by law a person's right to be naked in public on their birthday, but still considers it a heinous crime to do the same thing any other time). I dunno, I might try writing one anyway. Just for fun.