Cosplay Malfunction

Preface: Back when COVID hit, I was working on a homemade version of the iconic metal bikini that Princess Leia wears in Return of the Jedi (because the mass-produced Halloween costume that I bought was too conservative for my tastes). Last weekend was the first time I got to trot it out in public, at the first convention I've attended since the pandemic. It is, by nature, a very skimpy cosplay, that is held together by a series of small snaps. I've done my best to ensure that the costume is secure, and indeed my experience wearing it went off without a hitch. However, there was a moment while I was taking some self-portraits on the rooftop patio of the convention center, that one of the snaps popped open while I was maneuvering myself into a lying position on a bench, leaving me briefly exposed from the back as the self-timer counted down (hence the photo evidence - I swear this situation wasn't contrived :-p). I was in a remote location when it happened (which is the reason I felt comfortable taking so many liberties with my poses), and nobody else was around to witness this temporary wardrobe malfunction. Nevertheless, it got my imagination running.

[description: a figure in costume lies on a bench, backside exposed to the camera]

What if - hypothetically speaking - this had happened in the middle of a crowd of convention goers? Now, I'm an exhibitionist. Skimpy outfits bring me joy - whether I'm the one wearing them, or somebody else is wearing them. I'm wearing a thong under my costume, because I want to be covered (for liability purposes), but I don't want to be covered any more than I have to. I'm not shy. I would walk around the convention in just the thong if it were socially acceptable. In fact, I have walked around this city in a thong before (in the right circumstances). But this is a convention, and I'm supposed to be in costume, not undressed just for the hell of it.

So let's say I'm walking around in a skimpy costume, and a wardrobe malfunction occurs. My skirt is held on by a series of snaps, and if a single one fails, the entire skirt would collapse to the floor. Even if I were to grab for it the instant I notice it falling, chances are there would still be a brief moment where I could potentially be flashing a crowd of people - even if I made every effort to cover up as quickly as possible. I'm sure staff would say, "if there's any chance of your costume falling off, you should be covered up underneath." But in my case, that would defeat the very nature of my costume. And in my defense, I saw women walking around the convention in little more than a thong without even a skirt covering their butt. It's not like there would be any point at which my genitals would be exposed.

Regardless, let's suppose it happens. Now consider what you would do if you were a bystander who, like me, enjoys skimpy outfits, and happened to be holding a camera in your hands when the malfunction occurred. I think that under normal community standards, it would be considered impolite to snap a picture of a person thuswise indisposed, under the assumption that they are exposing something they weren't intending and probably aren't comfortable exposing. But in my case, I'm only covering it up to satisfy community standards. If I were the one experiencing the malfunction, I'd want somebody to snap a picture, because it's the only way I could be thuswise exposed without incurring fault. I'd want somebody to document that moment. And I'd want everybody who witnesses it to enjoy it - if that's the sort of thing that floats their boat - guilt-free. Because although society tells us this sort of thing is taboo, I say we should be allowed to enjoy it.

I guess what makes it tricky is that you don't know who's an exhibitionist and who's not (unless you already know the person), and it's better to play it safe and avoid the risk of embarrassing someone at the cost of missing the golden moment. On the other hand, I'm not saying "cosplay is consent" (consent to what, exactly?), but if you're walking around a convention in a skimpy outfit that's in danger of potentially exposing you at any moment, chances are you're not super uptight about complete strangers getting a look at your body. I wish people would snap more candid pictures of me in various positions (especially from behind!), instead of having to ask for my permission and then getting a canned pose, or worrying that I would be offended if I ever saw the picture they sneakily snapped of me while I was lounging unawares (I want to see those pictures, too!). I'm not walking around half naked because I don't want people looking at me! I guess I just have rare insight because I know what it's like both to be the sexy cosplayer and the hopeful voyeur. We could all learn something if we spent a little time walking in the other guy's shoes.

[description: a cosplayer in metal bikini and stiletto heels gazes out a window]

Or the other girl's heels, as the case may be.

No Excess Baggage

Sex has so much baggage. And while we place some of that baggage onto sex artificially, there will always be a certain amount that legitimately comes with the territory. Sex is messy. Sex tugs at people's heartstrings. Sex can carry health risks. And in certain couplings, sex carries the risk of pregnancy. Which is a big deal.

I'm open-minded, but I don't want to have or be surrounded by people having indiscriminate sex all the time. That's why I support people being able to be naked together absent a sexual context - i.e., nudism. But sometimes nudism takes it too far in de-emphasizing sexuality, to a point where it no longer even matters what people look like, and it's almost considered a sin to admire another person's body.

I want to spend time admiring people's bodies. Attractive people. As little dressed as possible. I feel like this is so hard to find - looking, for the sake of looking, without the expectation of a sexual coupling (and the frustrations, on both sides, when that turns out not to be a mutual goal). I mean, sure, we do it all the time, but we have to hide our intentions, and you can never get enough of an eyeful without either committing to a sexual relationship, or coming off as a total creep.

That's why I like art - the exhibition of aesthetic beauty, for viewing without further commitment - and why I support, as nudism does, a culture where nudity isn't treated as an invitation to sex. I just don't want to lose the part where we get to experience delight at the sight of the human body. Because it gives me so much pleasure in life, and it's a harmless joy (paradoxically feared by so many people) that I never feel I can get quite enough of.

To summarize, in a textile culture, you don't get to see people naked unless you're in a sexual relationship. In a nudist environment, you can see people naked but you're not allowed to enjoy the view. I'm just looking for the middle ground, where we can appreciate naked beauty - even for its erotic appeal - yet without comitting to a sexual relationship.

Unnatural

Human nature makes a lot more sense when you consider that man is just another animal driven by instinct. Civilization is, largely, a positive influence, but exposure to it tends to foster the illusion that it is the norm rather than the exception.

So, I was talking to a person who enjoys the conjunction of nudism and swinging (a taboo subject among conventional nudists), and I was struggling to formulate a response that is respectful of nudism, yet neither hollowly dogmatic nor judgmental of an open and unrestrained approach to sexuality (which I support - in principle; it's much harder to put into practice). How do you tell someone who likes walking around naked in front of strangers and openly having sex, that walking around naked is perfectly natural, but openly having sex is not? I mean, isn't that pretty much our prime directive?

And I came to a conclusion. What if nudism isn't natural, after all? I mean, the kind of nudism that's just as buttoned up (maybe more so) as textiles are on the subject of sex. Sure, it's perfectly natural to walk around naked without draping man-made fabrics over our bodies to preserve a completely arbitrary sense of dignity. But what if it's also perfectly natural for people to constantly be having loads of sex, out in the open, with multiple partners? Speaking in an evolutionary sense, our sex drives are a powerful instinct. There may be risks inherent to indiscriminate sexual activity, but you can't argue that nature favors the "spray and pray" method. It's civilization that seeks to dampen this wanton sexual behavior.

Now, I believe in the merits of civilization. And I think we should be more discriminate in who and how we fuck. I'm ruled by the complex intelligence of my brain, not solely by my baser instincts. But the fact remains, it may be no more natural to pretend that we shouldn't be fucking around all the time than it is to pretend there's any good reason to wear clothes. This would explain an awful lot of the difficulty nudism has trying to convince the world that naked people hanging out doesn't automatically carry a sexual connotation, and why it seems (to non-nudists and sexual progressives alike) so hypocritical on its face for nudists to go to the trouble of shattering the nudity taboo but then come to the decision to still preserve our taboos around sex.

Let me state this clearly. I believe in the non-sexual version of nudism. I support it, and I actually prefer it to the alternative (which is a nude-friendly swingers' lifestyle - and why wouldn't swingers be nude-friendly?). But let's not kid ourselves into thinking it's natural or even obvious. And let's stop getting endlessly frustrated with the multitudes of people who get it wrong. That's like figuring out calculus and letting every person who never got past algebra drive you up the wall. Accept that this misunderstanding is, by necessity, going to be widespread, and then work on trying to correct people with more patience and empathy, instead of writing off everyone who ever gets it wrong as an idiot or an enemy. Most people alive don't get as much sex as the force of natural evolution (and their appetite) intends. So let's give them a break.