Hoop Teleportation

Here's a wacky idea I had using hula hoops as portals to simulate teleportation technology.

[description: a fully dressed man crawls through a pair of hula hoops and emerges naked]

This was a difficult shoot. I'm super happy with the concept - I think it's a lot of fun. As for execution, it was difficult to get the hoops to stay in place (without bumping them from one shot to the next). Also, the changing sunlight conditions are distracting, but that's an unavoidable risk of shooting on a partly cloudy day. (I didn't have much choice - I wanted to satisfy my creative impulses while I had the chance; which in this case happened to be last minute and first thing in the morning, before I even had my breakfast! It was also brutally hot with high humidity, so I was looking forward to the part of the shoot when I could take my clothes off).

My favorite part of this concept is the idea that the "scientist" enters the portal only to find that when he emerges, his clothes have been unable to make the trip. Call me a pervert if you want - I don't care - but I'm intrigued by the idea in science-fiction or fantasy of any kind of teleportation or transformation technology, or supernatural powers, that have the ability to manipulate organic matter but not textile fabrics. So, you can teleport over large distances, dissolve into mist, transform into a bat - take your pick - but when it comes time to change back, you find that your body has made the journey, but your clothes have not.

Now you're (more or less) unexpectedly naked in a potentially embarrassing or inconvenient situation! But you have a really good, practical reason to be - it's not the result of any deliberate, perverted intention, but just an unforeseen (or unavoidable) side-effect of the technology or powers you've used. So you're a little bit more justified; at least, the responsibility isn't entirely yours. Fictional stories do sometimes acknowledge this contingency - usually for comedic effect - but rarely do they take full advantage of its potential and the opportunity to introduce and showcase nudity in their medium, undoubtedly for fear of censure. But that's something I'd like to see more of.

Censored Brief

I came across this swimsuit patterned to look like a mosaic blur - the most popular alternative to the standard black censor bar - and I thought it looked fun. Naturally, the first question on my mind was, how convincing will it look on my body? Unfortunately, the product was not photographed on a model, as many other swimsuits are. But at the reasonable price of $18.25, I figured I could afford to eat the cost of a novelty, just so I could model and review the suit for other prospective buyers.

It arrived in the mail in a tiny pouch - you gotta love an outfit that can fit into the palm of your hand! I was so excited that I couldn't wait to try it on. But I also wanted to show you what it looks like out in the sunlight:

[description: series of portraits of a man modeling a swim brief patterned like a mosaic blur]

Is it a fun conversation-starter? Absolutely! But does it effectively look like a mosaic blur, or will it have people scratching their heads? I'm not certain. If you're light-skinned, it will at least give the illusion - at a glance - of uncommon exposure. But I wonder if the colors don't blend together a little too much, especially at a distance. Plus, the contouring - the way it wraps around your body, especially given the male anatomy - pretty much guarantees that it will look like fabric stretched over skin, and not a planar blur hovering in front of your body. But that's probably inevitable for a piece of clothing - it's not magic.

Still, I have an academic interest in unconventional (especially ABC-style) clothing. I could imagine a swimsuit that's flesh-toned (and would ideally be marketed in a variety of tones from light to dark*), with something of a skirt over top - like some women's swimsuit bottoms or tennis skirts. But the skirt would be a translucent material, similar in appearance to one of those clear, patchwork-style shower curtains, or a privacy window film. Although I don't know how you would do this with a soft fabric as opposed to a plastic or vinyl material, and it may not hang properly when wet. But you'd be perfectly covered - it would just give the illusion of near-exposure. Sometimes I think I should have been a fashion designer...

*By the way, why is this not more common? I mean, other than the fact that it would simulate nudity, and most people are terrified of nudity. I think it sounds like fun. I'd love to have a true flesh-toned swimsuit. I'll let you in on a secret. One of my dream fashion creations involves a garment that would consist of a flesh-toned thong with a simulated fig leaf stitched to the front. Would make for a very cheeky swimsuit, that's for sure. Or a male stripper outfit. One or the other.

Dress Shopping

Somebody really needs to invent a dressing booth for photographers. I'm surprised, in this selfie-obsessed age, that this hasn't already been done. I know I'm not the only person who takes selfies in fitting rooms (and not just for perverted reasons, either - how are you gonna remember or show your friends how you looked in that dress?), because I've seen them on the internet!

I'd like a booth with decent lighting, enough space to take full-body shots (without tilting your phone), and a mirror wide enough not to have awkward angled borders along the edges that you can never crop to your satisfaction. And if we're taking the time to design it right, we might as well make it so that there's enough space to hang up clothes, somewhere that doesn't end up creating bulky clutter in the background of your shots. A trick or two with angles and positioning could be enough to accomplish this. If a store wanted to go the extra mile, they could even install some kind of phone mount on which you could hang your phone, in a position convenient for snapping photos (or even video) as you twirl in front of the mirror in each of your prospective outfits. Am I crazy, or does some or all of this sound like a great idea?

You'd have to make a point to keep the mirrors clean, also - which could be a huge job. At the very least, you could provide mirror wipes in each booth, and a small trash can for discarding (applying the same technique for hanging hooks to keep it out of view of the mirror) - like they do for wiping the handles of buggies down at the supermarket. Then, those who are truly serious about their fitting room pictures could take the extra time to clean the mirror, and those who aren't can simply ignore it.

Hotel Pool

[description: a man in a yellow speedo sits in a hot tub and smiles up at the camera]

I had some help this time. Which is great, because when you're in public, and already in an eye-catching outfit, you don't want to draw even more attention to yourself. Selfie generation or not, I still feel self-conscious taking pictures of myself in front of strangers. Then again, as a dedicated hobbyist, my process is fairly involved; and there are some pictures you can't get without another person helping you out, because it's just not feasible to set up a tripod.

It's amazing that I don't attract more photographer friends. Maybe that's an indictment of our increasingly anti-aesthetic culture. As obsessed as we are over our superficial images, carefully preened for social media, it becomes less and less acceptable to admire the superficial appearance of others, at least in person. Lest you be accused of "creeping" and "perving".

Or am I imagining things? Is it all in my head? I just don't see a lot of people in the world like me, and it makes me wonder why. I guess I'm more likely to interpret societal cues in a hostile way because I have a very risk-averse personality. We live in the land of opportunity, and yet our culture seems to be shifting towards the implementation of "safe spaces". Is it ironic that I should hear that phrase and feel threatened?

But then, safety and liberty have always been at odds with one another. It's statements like this that make me feel like I should be a political conservative. But the conservative platform disgusts me. Since when did "rugged individualism" align itself with rigid conformity to an outdated stereotype (i.e., the gun-toting frontiersman)? In my head, it should be synonymous with a hard-line support for tolerance and diversity.

Freedom is the freedom to choose your gender. What kind of sex you have and with whom. Freedom is access to medical treatments. And education. Freedom is opportunity for all, regardless of race or country of origin. Conservatives are just decaying busybodies unable to adapt to a changing culture, dedicated to dressing up their bigotry in fancy words.

[description: series of portraits of a man in a speedo at a hotel pool, and walking through the halls]

Walking back to the room. I'm a little bit intrigued and a little bit intimidated by the fact that the route to the pool always seems to pass through the lobby. What's the protocol? Are you supposed to cover up? You'll see kids running through the lobby in their swimsuits and nobody bats an eye. But I'm worried that when I do it, people are going to think that I'm trying to show off. And so what if I am? If you have the confidence to do it (I know that plenty of people do not), then you should reap the rewards.

Although I can hear in the back of my head the public's cry of, "but the people who want to show off aren't always the people you want to see!" It's very similar to the specious argument that "nudists are always the people you don't want to see naked." So then, what's the solution? Should a person like myself, who is trim and fit, get a free pass? Who decides the cutoff line? We live in a culture that at least superficially promotes equality of opportunity.

The downside to that is when the people choose to play it safe - if there are some people you don't want showing off, and everybody has to obey the same rules, then we'd better just restrict everybody, and sacrifice the joy of seeing beautiful bodies to avoid the "trauma" of seeing those that aren't so beautiful. That's another one of the reasons I like nudism - it takes the opposite tack. The human body is nothing to be ashamed of - and it's worth "putting up with" the not-so-spectacular ones to be able to appreciate the extraordinary ones.

"Bathing" Suits vs. Swimsuits

I grew up referring to the clothes you wear to go swimming in as "bathing suits". But at a certain point in my life (and possibly inspired by Sports Illustrated), I made a conscious effort to retire that phrase, and use "swimsuits" instead. Because it's more accurate. You don't wear them to bathe in, you wear them to go swimming. And, as a nudist, I find the very concept of a "bathing suit" - something you wear while bathing (i.e., not in the pool, but the bath or shower) - offensive. I refuse to acknowledge it.

Granted, in a perfect world, there would be no such thing as swimsuits, either. People would swim naked, because that's what makes the most sense. But in this world, people do wear suits to swim in (unlike bathing, which most people - nudist or not - do naked). And I like to preserve the notion of "getting undressed" to go swimming; so I prefer swimsuits that look more like underwear than outerwear - e.g., briefs rather than shorts.

At the same time, I'm tickled by the idea of of swimsuits doubling as clothing, because I like the idea of wearing them even in contexts outside of swimming. (My fantasy is the beach resort town where everybody wears briefs and bikinis to go shopping, eat at restaurants, etc., because that's just the relaxed culture of the place). Why? Because they're skimpier than regular clothing, and I'll take any excuse to dress down in public. Obviously, adding coverage to make swimsuits more versatile completely defeats the purpose in my mind (although a sexy swim wrap that's at least partially see through is an acceptable compromise).

But people are always angling for trade-offs, because they don't want to be seen as being too permissive, too liberal, too hedonistic. It's this or that - you've gotta balance it out. You can never show too much skin. It's shorts or a crop top. Never both. But I wanna see as much skin as you're willing to show! The more the better. Is there something wrong with that? Does it make me a bad person? No. You wanna go shopping in a string bikini? You've just made my day.

World Naked Staring Out A Window Longingly Day

So, it's World Naked Gardening Day, and I know that WNGD purports to be a non-political event - preferring to stay light-hearted and avoid weighty discussions of the law and society. But while this is a laudable approach, it's very hard to dwell on the virtues of nudism without butting up against the myriad issues that keep this lifestyle pushed to the margins. So it is that I can't help thinking about the politics of nudity and the law every time WNGD comes around, due in no small part to the fact that I don't feel, in this ostensibly "free" country, that I am actually free to participate in this holiday to the extent that I'd like.

So, as an act of protest (albeit born of necessity, I'm afraid), I am not sharing a photo of me gardening naked (indeed, I have done no naked gardening this day), because I do not currently live alone, and I may not have as sufficiently private a yard as I thought (due to a neighbor's overhanging porch), and, altogether, I do not feel that my individual liberties are sufficiently protected in this country for me to participate in this celebration today.

[description: a naked man stands staring out a window, with hands on hips]
I hereby designate this day, instead, to be
World Naked Staring Out A Window Longingly Day

Consider, as a hypothetical, if it were "Doing Yard Work In A Skirt Day" instead. Although women would barely be affected, men the nation over could choose to celebrate this holiday by putting on a skirt and doing yard work, and the worst possible repercussion they'd face is social ostracization. The difference is that for nudity, people can use the law against you. So there is not only social, but very real legal discrimination at play here. And insofar as nudity is inextricably linked to sex in our cultural consciousness, there are some extremely heavy penalties possible for committing what could be construed as a "sex crime". Maybe a little public indecency charge isn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it lies on the tip of a very large and threatening iceberg, and do you really want to gamble on the possibility of ending up on the Sex Offenders Registry? This is what we call "the chilling effect" in action.

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Now, an argument could certainly be made that I've spent a lot of time on this blog blurring the line between nudism and exhibitionism. And I have no ragrets about giving voice to the grey area that separates the regions of black and white on this issue. But it took a conversation with my SO to realize something. I was lamenting the injustice of having to cover up before stepping outside, and she inquired as to whether my desire to go outside unclothed was in any way motivated by the thrill of being seen naked. And, indeed, I realized that it was not.

By way of proof, I considered whether, if I had a place where I could go outside and be naked with 100% certainty that nobody else would ever see me, would I still do it? Yes, absolutely! In fact, that's exactly what I want. Because when you introduce the possibility of being seen, it doesn't get me excited, it actually makes me nervous, because I'm afraid somebody's not going to like what I'm doing, and then that freedom will be taken away from me.

As for what does motivate me to want to engage in nude recreation, I've just spent the better part of the last year exploring the myriad potential reasons. In this case, what motivates me on a fine, summer-like day to want to go outside clad only in the sky tends toward the spiritual - being at one with nature, and feeling closer to the Earth. There is something psychological about the nude state - it is raw, it is taboo, it is forbidden and can be beautiful. There is a thrill to it, no doubt. But it's not necessarily sexual, and it's not necessarily the thrill of being seen, so much as the thrill of simply being - the way we were intended to be, unfiltered by the at-times arbitrary and counterintuitive mandates of a man-made society.

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Now, I'm not denying that there is a potential thrill in being seen naked - even a sexual one. But context is key. I don't want to force my nudity on random strangers, because I don't know if they'll like it, and I have no desire to shock or offend anyone. But I do know for a fact that there are people out there who do like seeing people naked (especially when those people are attractive). I know - because I'm one of them. And that's why a lot of my naked alone time involves taking pictures. It's not because the only joy I get out of being naked is the thought of being seen. It's because I know that being seen can be an additional joy, and that by pursuing this pleasure through photography I can not only apply an artistic touch, but share that joy selectively with those whom I know are likely to appreciate it.

Now, I might argue that I should be allowed to go naked in front of random strangers (surely, I do argue this from time to time?). But it's not because I'm dying to be seen by them (and admired, I suppose). It's because being naked feels good to me, and I'd prefer to be able to practice it more regularly, and under less isolated circumstances. What I'm really arguing for is not the freedom to shock and offend unsuspecting passersby (even if this is ultimately what it boils down to). Rather, I'm arguing for a higher standard of humanity - that is, people who recognize, like me, that naked bodies are not worth getting worked up over, and who have the maturity to simply look away if they see something they don't like, understanding that in a free country, not everybody is going to look and act the same way.

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Allow me to make one last point. I would argue that nudity is the natural state of being, and that I am more "normal" (as nebulous as that word is) than the majority of the population (at least in this one respect). But I understand the nature of our society, and that one cannot simply go around nude, just because one sees it as natural (even if it's true). Yet, even discarding the rational basis for my preferred state of dress, and if we were to assume that my desire to go nude is some unnatural, fringe inclination, it is still an inclination I possess, and one that I take much pleasure in. Whatever your opinion of it, it is harmless to me, and I cannot see any reasonable argument against my participation in it - at the very least, in private.

I'm not asking the world to join me in this activity. I invite the world to join me, but I will not force them to, if they'd rather not. All I require, at a bare minimum, is enough space and privacy to enjoy my nudity - alone if need be - on a regular basis (indoors and out). I don't believe that I am necessarily entitled to have this - that the government or somebody owes it to me - but I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want it, either. Because it means enough to me in my life that I want to pursue it, as an integral part of what I consider to be my happiness. And I'm willing to make it a priority. But opportunities are limited.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'm willing to come to a compromise. I don't demand to be able to walk down the street naked (even if I think this should be a guaranteed freedom in any enlightened culture). It's when designated nudist spaces are constantly under threat from the pressures of "community standards", and above all when I can't go naked on my own property, because somebody who doesn't like it could find out, just by looking - and god forbid anyone should visibly engage in an alternative lifestyle that's not approved by the mainstream, inappropriately flaunting their individual liberty in the faces of well-behaved, conforming citizens - I say, it's these situations that raise my hackles. And not unduly, I hope.

No Pant(ie)s Day

I suppose you could accuse me of trying to "cheat" my way through No Pants Day - wearing dresses and skirts and substituting "no pants" for "no panties" - but it's only because I really like the concept and want to celebrate the day, but I don't feel like I could really get away with celebrating it straight. If you have a whole group participating, people will think it's a thing - strength in numbers, and all that. But when it's just one person, well, then it's just one weirdo in public without pants on. Anyway, it's still fun having an excuse to try to find ways to technically go without pants, and feeling justified in pushing the boundaries maybe just a little bit more than you would usually allow yourself to do.

I really think people get too uptight about "upskirts", "panty flashes", and things like that. I mean, yeah, technically this could be considered indecent exposure, but the difference is, you're not puttin' it all out there - you're still covered up; there's just a few chinks in the armor here and there. If somebody gets a flash, big deal. The world's not going to end if somebody sees your underwear (or even what's under it). We bend over backwards to do things like put shorts inside skirts and it's ridiculous. It's anhedonic and erotophobic. It's like banning candy bars because they're unhealthy, with no consideration to the pleasure they can bring, to those who are capable of indulging in them responsibly.