Speedos for Feminism

A new local waterpark opened this season, and I took the time to peruse its rules board. Unexpectedly, I had a particular interest in the section labeled "swimming attire". Along with various articles not designed for swimming, and anything see-through, there was a part prohibiting "thong suits" and "men's speedos".

Now, I can understand the prohibition of thong suits. Thongs (for women or men) are deliberately provocative and - most importantly - leave bare nearly a person's entire bottom. But speedos? Aren't speedos basically the male equivalent of a woman's bikini? I mean, I know that speedos are notoriously unpopular in America, and frequently the butt of many a joke, but actually prohibited at a waterpark? That's insane!

Now, I figure, the rules have probably been designed to minimize exposure (read: public indecency), and to maintain a "family-friendly" atmosphere. And speedos are, it's hard to deny, more provocative than the below-the-knee baggy board short style that's popular among men these days. But you can't stand there and tell me that a fit young woman in a flattering bikini (even of the full-backed variety) is not sexually provocative! Yet, they're not prohibited.

So what's the problem with speedos? Is it because they "highlight" a man's package? How is that any different from pokies and camel toe? And if you're worried about genital outlines, there are suits specifically designed to prevent that (I know, I own one). Speedos are not fringe fetish wear, like t-backed thongs. Speedos are designed for swimming, not for lewd exposure. They are far more substantial than the near-mythical pouch-on-a-string (have you ever seen anyone wearing one of those?). Hell, athletes often wear speedos at the Olympics! You can't get much more legitimate than that.

No matter how I look at it, I can't help seeing this as a double standard that disadvantages men. How come women can put on a bikini to look and feel sexy (and minimize unnecessary fabric floating around in the pool, which also takes longer to dry after you get out), but if a man dares wear a speedo, he's viewed as being either overconfident or a walking joke?

Believe me, if you do a search on people's opinions of speedos (and please, feel free to search for yourself), you get a whole lot of this: "speedos should be illegal", "nobody looks good in a speedo", "speedos are gross because they show too much", "speedos look ridiculous even on attractive men", coming from men and women. It's disgusting! And yet, what are people's general opinions of bikinis? "Hot," not gross. "Sexy," not funny. All this, despite the fact that not all men are fat, old, and ugly, and not all women have bikini-ready bodies.

And you know what it sounds like? It sounds like the old feminist argument about the patriarchy sexually objectifying women. I'll tell you what, it definitely smacks of a male perspective. Women in bikinis are hot, because men are attracted to them. But men in speedos? Gross. Why? Because men aren't attracted to them. Seeing a man in skin-tight swimwear raises most straight guys' gay alarm. The thing I don't understand is why women have jumped on that bandwagon, too.

Maybe it's because - as the dreadfully tiring stereotype goes - men are interested in looks while women go for something else (personality? sense of humor? their wallet?). But frankly, I think it's ridiculous to believe that women aren't visually attracted to men in some sense. Or maybe it's because - as another dreadfully tiring stereotype goes - men's bodies just aren't designed to look appealing the way women's bodies are.

Hell, I've said that myself - but I'm not attracted to men's bodies, I'm attracted to women's bodies. And you know what? That sounds a whole lot like more (straight) male perspective. Men are attracted to women's bodies and not to men's bodies (unless you're gay, and being gay is even lamer than being a woman), and so it's politically correct to say that women's bodies are beautiful works of art while men's bodies are ugly, utilitarian machines (though I bet the Greeks would have an argument with that).

And yet the fact remains that there are plenty of women out there without perfect bodies, and at the same time, lots of men who take their appearance seriously. Doubtless, the average guy probably thinks he looks sexier in board shorts than he would in a speedo (and the average woman would enthusiastically agree), but that's more cultural conditioning, if you ask me. We aren't used to treating men's thighs as a potentially attractive part of their body. A little grooming does wonders. And most of the population seems not to have passed the point of maturity where they can acknowledge that men have penises without giggling like little schoolgirls. But the bottom line is, you can't say that no man looks good in a speedo.

As it stands, it seems to me that wearing a speedo (in America, at least) has become a rebellious act. It undermines the straight male culture that holds so much power over society. And feminism is every bit about legitimizing feminine roles (like being the object of someone's desire) as it is about empowering women to adopt masculine roles. Wearing a speedo tells the world that you believe women aren't the only sex that can be objectified, and that men ought to be subject to the same pressures to be attractive as women already are. (And, as a side-effect, they can reap the same benefits - that is, of adoration and the feeling of being desired).

Damn, I could organize a really good protest around this. "Speedos for Feminism!" Unfortunately, though, I don't think there are enough men (or women) in this town who care. How sad is that?

Correlating Homophobia with Transphobia

Homophobia ("gay bashing") is as much about enforcing rigid gender roles as it is about opposition to homosexuality. Which I find confusing, because I consider a group of guys bonding over hypermasculine rituals a whole lot gayer than a man painting his toenails with a bunch of girls. I know as well as anyone that your interests, activities, and gender expression do not determine your sexual orientation, but it's not unheard of (nor hard to believe) for guys heavily involved in masculine culture to turn out to be gay. Yet the stereotype for homosexual men is to have effeminate style. Meanwhile, I wear pink dresses and panties with princesses on them, and I'm the straightest guy I know, strictly in the sense of being attracted to girls. It just so happens that I'm so attracted to girls that I'd rather wear girls' clothes and underwear (among other things) than men's. And so, the weightlifter with his bulging pecs represents, to me, in all his masculinity, homoeroticism far more than my decision to don a skirt and brush my hair. But all of this confusion is, ultimately, a symptom of the fact that we've got the concepts of sex, gender, and orientation all mixed up together. Still, I find it the height of irony that I have to put up armor against gay bashing attitudes from hypermasculine brutes all because I adore females a little too much...

Actually, when I think about it, maybe what's happening with regards to gender policing is that men see feminine cues in me, and it makes them uncomfortable because they're instinctually attracted to those feminine cues. So when they discover that I'm not "really" a woman, they realize they've just felt potential feelings of attraction towards a man. The homophobia kicks in, but ironically, instead of recognizing the source of the problem in themselves, they project it onto me, claiming it's my fault they were attracted to me, because I tricked them by donning the "guise" of a female (this is the mentality behind the phenomenon of "traps"). This could only be possible in a culture where having even a mistaken and transient male homosexual attraction is something frightening that threatens a man's very humanity.

I have, on occasion, seen guys that look like girls and thought at first that they were attractive. Upon realizing that they are guys, the attraction mostly fades - not because I'm scared of being attracted to guys, but merely because there is something about guys that turns me off, and something lacking in them that girls have that turns me on, and so knowing that they are guys does undermine the attraction significantly. I can, however, still recognize that the guys are pretty, or attractive in an objective sense (like being "model pretty" or aesthetically beautiful), and without at any point feeling threatened that I was mistakenly attracted to a guy. I guess I can have confidence in my sexual orientation, both because I've reached a point where even if I did turn out to have some gay feelings, I'd know there was nothing wrong or bad about it, and also because I've explored my sexual feelings pretty far, and I have a pretty solid understanding of what they are.

I can just imagine the following scenario:

Buff guy: Me and the buds are going to the gym to lift weights. You in?
Effeminate guy: Nah, I promised the girls I'd go tanning with them.
Buff guy: Pff, that's so gay.
Effeminate guy: Right. And while you and "the buds" are all sweating together, complimenting each other on your buff bodies, I'll be stripped to my skivvies with a bunch of girls rubbing tanning oil all over their nearly naked bodies. If that's gay, then I'm a flaming homosexual and proud of it.
Buff guy: Ugh, dude, save it for the parade...

Why I don't identify as a "sissy"

It's actually very simple. Sissification is a process of humiliation via feminization. But I don't feel humiliated by my own feminization - I feel empowered by it! Girls are not, to me, inferior beings; they are better than men in almost every way!

Now, I understand the sexual appeal of humiliation. And I don't want to rain on anyone's sexual fantasies (believe me, that's the last thing I want to do) - and as long as you understand the difference between those fantasies and reality (i.e., not humiliating real females outside the bedroom), then play on.

But it does seem kind of unfortunate, the sexist implications of sissification - and I think it would be nice if we could accomplish the goal of sexual humiliation in a less gender-rigid way. So, like, instead of identifying everything feminine as something humiliating, you could focus on the submissive aspect, and various roles (like servant, housekeeper) and outfits (something unglamorous like rags, or embarrassing like a clown costume) that don't carry a direct gender-specific connotation.

That'd be nice, but I do understand that you can't just reason your sexual desires to be whatever you want, and that, especially, non-PC roles can be extremely thrilling in large part because of how 'bad' or 'wrong' they are.

But, if you've ever wondered why I, personally, don't identify as a sissy, it's because I don't find feminization humiliating. It turns me on, to be sure, but for a wholly different reason: that is, I'm attracted to femininity itself, and the idea of being feminine; humiliation doesn't come into the picture at all.

Legs Are In

I am so totally in love with contemporary fashion right now. Feminism be damned, girls are being decked out like gemstones in bright pastels and glittering sequins. And to hell with modesty, when you're out in the summer sun, the name of the game seems to be 'dare to bare'. I mean, girls aren't even waiting to develop their figures before they start strutting around the pool in their two-piece bikinis!

And a super popular trend these days - which also happens to be my top favorite off-the-beach summer look - is the short shorts and flip flops combo. Both of these pieces are popular; they're simple and ultra-versatile, and yet they come in so many different styles! It almost doesn't even matter what's on top - although a belly-baring tank top is a sweet and sassy choice. Cool, yet oh so hot. But the key to it all is bare legs, from the feet all the way up to the top of the thigh.

Yes sir, legs are in. This is, no doubt, a fantastic time to be a leg man. And unlike the sultry sophistication of heels and stockings, bare legs are casual, everyday fare in the summer, and practically every hottie is sporting them - from the parks to the supermarkets to the local mall, you can see them everywhere! Between the glistening bikini bods and the long-legged ladies of the neighborhood, skin has never been so in. Goddess be praised!